Being friends with a gay teacher

[Wanderer95]

So, I am 18 years old, gay and out to everybody but my family, and I study in an international school in Bulgaria. Speaking of school, the school year started just yesterday and as every year there was an introduction of all the new teachers, and there on the stage among the other teachers was a very handsome and absolutely stunning man, who turned out to be openly gay. He turned out to be 28 year old English teacher from the US, but is not teaching me and as that is my last year at school he never will be teaching me, unless I sign up to his elective, which will be about poetry, so it's really impossible for him to teach me. So what I want is to go and introduce myself in a totally not creepy and dirty way, I really want to stick to be friends with him and probably help him out with some advices on what's what here in Bulgaria as it is a relatively homophobic country.. I am very far from the idea of trying to flirt with him as I had just found a boy with whom I would like to have a relationship. However I don't know how to approach that teacher and introduce myself and suggest that I want is to be friends simply because I had never even thought about being friends with a teacher, but I feel pitty for him not being able to find out all these things such as what gay clubs are actually safe, because most are extremely dangerous due to some perverts and drug dealers.. And as I doubt any of you had actually been to a Bulgaria, it is a very beautiful country but only if you go to the right places and with sufficient knowledge of what to watch out for. That's why I ask you for advices and thank you very, very much in advance

[tavi]

Hi Wanderer, maybe the best things is honesty and tell him exactly as you told us cos i think that might be just the sort of advice he needs to here but he is a teacher still and you a student, your title of threads a little mis-leading cos you havent spoken to him yet, he may not want to get involved with a student outside of school topics, think how it might look like on him.

[Wanderer95]

I do realize how creepy it may seem to him, that's why I was asking for some advice on how approach him as he doesn't know me, so I can't just go into his room to introduce myself and directly start telling him where it is dangerous to go and what places are gay friendly, lessons that I had learned the slightly hard way sadly, right?

[tavi]

I dont know how you can approach somebody without simply introducing yourself, without mutual friends or work etc it is difficult, sorry i cant think of anything non-creepy, hope u find a way though.

[Geminize]

You also need to be sensitive to his situation. Any teacher must be careful about relationships with students, even those that are not in their classes. Even if you only want to be friends and offer him advice, just being seen with you outside the school setting could be a problem for him. Being new to the school only adds to the problem. If you know he's gay then so do others, and you say you are out.

I'm not saying you shouldn't approach him as a friend. Just be ready if he declines your offer. It may only be to avoid the appearance a relationship that could cause trouble for him and his job.

[Wanderer95]

No and no to your questions. My life is just fine, it is a bit complicated with the applications to universities and trying to figure out how to come out to my parents, and whether I should come out to them at all, but other than these things, which I've gotten used to, my life is great. The things is that I just want to be friends with that guy, I'm not asking him for anything so bizarre, people have friends who help each other, right. And the thing is that most of you are afraid that his carear might get in trouble, but you have to remember that I'm leaving in a former soviet country, so the laws are from times when no one ha even considered such things..

[Wanderer95]

Ok, so I wanted to share with you guys what I did and what happened. After I listen to your advices and thought about it for a while, I realized that I could never go under any circumstances to him, but than I remembered I can go introduce myself and ask him if wants to supervise my school club. So I went, introduced myself, shook his hand (it was an excellent handshake - neither too loose, nor too hard) and his was able to sense his amazing perfume... So I strictly got to the point and he right away said no. I must have looked very baffled because he immediate told me that he has already agreed to supervise another club. So I made the puppy eyes excused myself for the interruption and headed back to other classes, that's was in and out of his room in less than two minutes, which made me kind of unhappy. So I thought what would be a logical follow-up and I waited for two days and write him an anonymous email in which I introduced myself, without actually saying my name, but I told him that I am strictly not looking for a relationship or any romance with him, but rather to befriend him and to help him out as he is new to the country. I really put a lot if effort into it and managed to make it sound absolutely not creepy or joke-ish. So I send it a couple of days ago to his email at school, which I know that all teachers are required to check at least a few times a day, but so far he has not responded to it, so it's game over for this friendship... I know that it's not good news, but I felt like I should keep you posted and just to thank you again for the help the other day

[Homer]

Wanderer95, you sound like a very nice guy based on what you have posted. I suggest that you try to be his 'friend' through social media. Like someone posted earlier, if he is rumored to be involved with a student outside of school, it is a very serious matter for him as a teacher. I have been in a university setting where students staged scenes to appear that the professors behaved inappropriately toward them and succeeded in getting a few fired. So I have a rule of not allowing students to touch me and be near me unless other adults are present or the CC camera is on (in a school setting). If you want to be friends with your professors, it is less of a problem in a university setting.

[sitchblap]

lol just approach him when he is off from school. it isnt appropriate to do so in school. people talk