How to fight with being in love with someone?

[Anonymous]

So I'm gay and unexpectedly a love has came into my life. I'm 29 and I've been a loner from the birth already and I never knew what it's like to be in love, until I met him. The worst thing is that he feels the same way for me, he told that to me.

However I cannot be together with him. Don't ask me why, I have my reasons, that I don't want to discuss, but they're serious enough. I'm not a good person and I want him to find someone else and be happy without me. He doesn't know I love him, I always lie and say I'm not interested and I hope that he'll distance himself from me, but he doesn't. There hasn't been a single day when he hasn't came up to me and just talk about something. I have to see him almost every day and it's really hard.

I need to get away from these feelings, but I don't know how. There must be some way. Have you tried to do it? Should I really change my job, my place of living, basically my whole life?

[southbiochem]

I would seriously recosider how serious those reasons are...if they mean you have to be miserable when you could be happy with this guy...

but since I don't know the reasons, I can't pass judgement...

I can only give you my best, since I myself have tried to do the same with no success what so ever...

I really hope that things turn out to be good for you

[Geminize]

I can't advise you to suppress your love for someone when he feels the same towards you.

My advice is to get over your terminal uniqueness, too many of us suffer from it. Lots of us have been loners: it's usually a way of protecting ourselves from getting hurt. In the process we do ourselves greater harm by isolating and denying love.

In my life I've noticed that most of my big choices are between love and fear; expansion or contraction. Contraction sucks. Be outrageous. Let your life be an unexpected adventure!

(Of course, I don't know what else you're dealing with. Since you won't share that with us, I'll just ignore it.)

[matty7]

i have no insight of your life or who you are but the one thing I do know - im 44 now - if I had that chance at 29 like you I would grasp it with both hands and be damned with everyone else.....don't get to 44 and regret it !!!!!

[Anonymous]

I never regret anything and I will forget him, now matter what. The reasons why am I doing is are very personal and I wouldn't want to discuss them in a public forum.
I was just wondering, if someone here has gone through the same situation and how did you cope with it.

[Waylon777]

Hmm. Whatever the personal reasons are gonna be, it's going to be a long and a very VERY painful days for you to fight against being in love with someone. I really wouldn't recommend it because if you have the chance to meet someone like that, you better not let go. You might actually regret it later, you never know. If you really want to know how to fight it, then I think the best way is to cut off any ties with the person. First, tell him why you can't and then cut off ties. I have to warn you that it's going to be SUPER painful and it's NOT going to easy. You are literally going to have to shatter your own heart as well as his. Picking up the pieces of heart is never ever easy. So, if you can do anything about this personal problem, even if there is a slightest of the chance, be with that guy. You don't get chances like this in life often, miss it, and you might not get it again. Take any chances that you can be happy for yourself.

[Vigilias]

We cannot possibly begin to help if we don't know what it is you feel is preventing you from having a relationship with someone who wants to have a relationship with you.

Perhaps you'd like to send me a private message, I promise to treat your information with the sensitivity and privacy it deserves. Once I've read, understood and responded to your message, I'll delete what you've sent me. I'm not medically qualified or qualified as a therapist, but I like to think I can penetrate a matter to it's heart.

If your issue is a medical one - see a doctor. If it's an emotional one see a counsellor. Those issues that fall in between can usually be sorted out by allowing many heads to come together and offer thoughts on the situation that you may not have considered. You're posting anonymously, what do you have to lose?

Some time last year, I think, there was a post from a guy with Anal Atresia or Imperforate Anus, that is to say he was born without an opening to his anus. He had a surgical stoma but he didn't let THAT get in the way of having a relationship with someone even though he wanted to bottom for his guy. I think in the end surgery was an option.

So you see, even if you think there is no hope for you, the truth is, that often there is. Maybe you've just closed your mind off to there being a solution.

Wanna give it a try? I'll be waiting if you do.

[TimeSage]

You're posting anonymously, none of us will know who you are so feel free to tell us the details so we can help.

[Anonymous]

Guys, I appreciate your answers and your opinions very much, however what I'm asking from you is something a little bit different. My reasons are not important, because I have made my decision and I won't change it no matter what. I know that it won't be easy and it will be painful and I'm ready for it.

I would like to know how to avoid him, how to suppress my feelings? We're colleagues, I see him almost every day, so it's kind of hard to cut all ties with him. I've been thinking about leaving my job, but I'm not sure will I find a new one fast enough. Is this really the only option? I've been also thinking about becoming harsh and cold with him, maybe then he would distance himself from me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I have been in love too few times to actually bother with fighting it.

"I'm not a good person" - typically bad people can't admit they are bad - only the good see their own faults and see them as 'good reason' to not do things like love a person.

you are 29 - I fear your days of finding a mate are coming to a close soon. Soon you will be too old for anyone to consider and this may be your last chance.

But if you want to throw it away, fine - its not like I care...