It it ok to be a virgin at 30 years?

[Anonymous]

What would you think of a man who’s virgin at the age of 30? Well, that’s me. I’m 30 years old and I’ve never had sex. And I would appreciate if you wouldn’t laugh about it.

I’ve been thinking if that’s okay. It’s not that I hadn’t have chances to have sex, I’ve had lots of them. I am not ugly, no Brad Pitt of course, but I am not ugly. I’m not fat or skinny either, I’m physically and mentally normal man, however I’ve never felt desire to have sex with another person. I like to masturbate, but I don’t want to have sex with a person. I like handsome guys very much, but still I prefer them with their clothes on, I don’t want to get into bed with them.

I had a boyfriend once. We were together for 2 years and our relationships were very good as far as the emotional goes. I was really in love with him; I loved to care about him, to help him whenever he needed it, to make sure he’s happy and satisfied with everything. But when it came to physical love, few kisses were all I could offer to him. He was wonderful, very handsome and very sweet, but I just didn’t want to make love with him. Eventually he didn’t want to put up with it anymore; he started to doubt my love and claimed that if I don’t want him, I don’t really love him. But that’s not true, I did really love him. I just didn’t want to have sex. Later we broke up, because I realized that it wasn’t fair to him to be in a relationships where he wants something I cannot give him.

I don’t think I’m an asexual, because I can get horny and I like to masturbate, but I like to do it alone and by myself. In fact I don’t think I could ever sleep with another person. I don’t think I could be naked in front of someone I like, I’m very shy. I realize don’t have to be ashamed of my body, I’m quite fit, but still. It might happen that I’ll be virgin my whole life and actually I wouldn’t mind it, but sometimes I’m thinking why am I like this? I mean, men will usually jump at sex, right?

[matty7]

been a virgin is not the problem I don't think ,,, shoot me down in flames but I guess been intimate is the block in your mind for whatever reason and you cant get past it ,,this can be anything from upbringing to many many reasons, maybe im jumping the gun there but maybe a chat with .... dare I say it ,,,sex therapist would help = there was a sex education show on uk tv and they had a few cases very similar to yours ,,, they just couldn't let themselves go ?? if im miles off base then I apologies mate - either way , don't get hung up on been a virgin,, its just a word at the end of the day

[Evan]

Let me start by saying there is absolutely nothing wrong with being a virgin at 30. It's your body, and if you haven't met the right person, or you haven't (yet) felt the desire to have sex, then that is completely fine.

I know quite a few guys who don't have any desire to have sex with other people. Some of them do get aroused and do masturbate, others don't get aroused at all. Why? I don't know, and neither do they. It just is. Some of them call themselves asexual, others don't. Remember that it's just a label that some people use to describe how they feel. You don't have to label anything. You seem to be pretty sure about your feelings, so who cares about labels, or why you feel that way? The truth is lots of guys feel the same thing, and there's nothing wrong with that.

I'm sorry to hear things didn't work out with your boyfriend. To be honest, I can understand him perfectly well. I wouldn't necessarily feel like you didn't love me, but I would miss that intimate part of the relationship. If you really feel like you will never, ever want sex, that may lower your chances of finding someone to be in a relationship with. However, I don't think it's impossible at all, even if you don't want sex. Like I said, there are plenty of guys out there who aren't interested in sex.. it's not impossible to find someone who would be okay with no or very little sexual acts. Or, pehaps if you meet the right person, you might change your mind one day. Who knows.

One thing that caught my attention, though, is you say you're too shy to be naked in front of anyone. I'm gonna assume that's not the reason you don't want sex. However, if it is part of the reason, then that's something you may want to work on. No one should have to be insecure about their body, for whatever reason. Shame and insecurity can be very powerful, and can even be the reason you don't feel like having sex.

Also, "men will usually jump at sex, right?" Not necessarily. As I said, there are guys who aren't interested in sex at all, and the ones that are interested in sex oftentimes want some kind of emotional connection as well, not just a physical one (especially starting at your age).

So don't worry, there's nothing weird about you being a virgin, and there's nothing wrong with wanting to stay one either.

[Anonymous]

Im a 27 year old virgin... If I met you, and learned you were 30 and a virgin... I'd be completely fine with it..

And if we ever became a couple, I'd even be a bit more comfortable with you, simply because we are in the same boat.

there is nothing wrong with being a virgin 25+ in my books. to bad most people think otherwise (in my experience)

[Anonymous]

(Same Anon as above)

Alck of sex just means more emphasis on cuddles, acts of romance, etc. How can that be a bad thing ^_^

[MisterTinkles]

My first time was when I was 29 years old.

I think people "blow this issue out of proportion". Who cares. If someone likes you, they like you.
If they are so vain and shallow as to hate "virgins", then (pardon the pun) fuck them.

I prefer virgins myself.

[southbiochem]

I'll probably hit 30 a virgin...so, If it happens that people are not Ok with it, at least you won't be alone!

[starbelly]

I'm still a virgin if that makes you feel any better. I avoid thinking about the fact as much as I can because despite what I may say to some people, it is actually pretty painful and a bit sad when taken into consideration. I'd like to come across someone with whom I have mutual interest, but it's so hard for gay guys unless we're REALLY willing to put ourselves out there, to the point that it's almost obnoxious, and I'm not mentally up for that at this point in my life. Being a virgin sucks, I can only hope that one day I meet someone decent who I can share that with before I die.

[Pix]

I prefer a virgin to one who can't keep it in his pants (that is no self control and often no ethics or respect for self and/or others). Just to be clear I'm NOT using the virgin/whore model that others use.

[SolemnBoy]

The biggest regret of my life so far is probably giving in to some of the virgin pressure and losing it with someone I wasn't truly comfortable with. You don't want to go down that road, there's nothing wrong being a virgin at any age.