Finding a "bum"

[Patrocles]

Normally, I would look for other men (friends, mates etc.) in a web dating portal.

Unfortunately, I've always been mostly attracted to rougher, tougher men with beards, men who have lived through hard times and from which I can learn . With one word: to "bums" (or homeless men or men on the street etc.). And you don't find a "bum" via Internet.

My question is: Do you think that there are any elderly "bums" who might be interested in knowing me (an elderly academic who works in an office)?
And have you any idea how I can get to know them?
Have you heard or read anything at all about man-man sex between/with "bums"? I suppose that it happens, but nobody seems to speak about it. Please let me know.

[jimcrackcorn]

Well,,,, it is getting harder to find "Bums" nowadays. Most of the folks standing on street corners begging for money are not real bums in my opinion,, cause they work in packs and live in motels.

You might have better luck at one of the Homeless Shelters or Food Banks. They might be willing to do what you want if your pockets are deep enough (smile)...

[MisterTinkles]

If you want a homeless boyfriend, there are tons. Most "bums" are either teens or elderly people. You have to be careful though, a lot of the elderly that have been homeless a long time usually have some mental issues going on. Not to mention the cleanliness factors and possible diseases.

If you want to 'scope it out' then I would suggest volunteering at homeless shelters, soup kitchens, and places like that.

Would be interested to know what turns you on about homeless guys???

[Matty71]

Interesting.

I have a friend, a younger female, who until this year never had a boyfriend. She always wanted one.

Some time ago, before she started dating this great guy, she would sit and talk to me. She would tell me she wanted to date a homeless person, a "bum" her age. I never quite understood this. She is a pretty girl and could surely meet a nice guy.

In retrospect, I believe her feelings had to do with her childhood; Her Mother, now deceased from an overdose, was a prostitute and spent much time on the streets of New York City, strung out and turning tricks. Sometimes the Mother would take my friend with her while she lived this way. My friend was exposed to some of the worst scenarios imaginable.

[Pix]

At least in America many of the homeless have phones that connect them to the internet (and they'll text each other). Even lappies weren't unheard of and when I volunteered to work with the homeless I learned a real problem with the services and even shelters providing a computer for job searches (and sometimes email for family) was that the homeless with lappies were illegally downloading music & movies (to their lappies) which then got the services & shelters in trouble for piracy (so that some quit providing such services or weren't able to even if they wanted to continue doing so).

It may be different in Germany.

Granted, I doubt they spend much time perusing dating sites because what would be the point for them? I doubt they go to message boards at all (but then they get bored like everyone else).

If I were in your shoes I supposed (offhand) I'd do two things:

1. Go to libraries, this is where many go as they won't be chased off. (To make friends offer a drink or cigarette, outside the library of course.) Be warned that many have severe problems of all kinds as well as manipulative in the extreme...also be aware that some have had problems with johns from their teenage years and may become quite hostile, even violent, toward you should they pick up your interests sooner rather than later (and they probably will).

2. Check the stoner boards (that is for recreational drug use and/or political action to legalize). This would be preferred by me since some (a sizable minority anyway) are fairly stable but their illegal hobbies and habits tend to make life hard on them (amazing how many landlords don't like it when people try to grow pot inside their homes out of view of the cops :tongue: ) and can easily wind up homeless over and over again. Many seem to be more open minded about things like homosexuality, too (though not all). If you're willing to take the legal risks involved then it seems to me this would be the best bet. That said it's a rare stoner who have any interests in academics (though they do exist and there are some very literate people, even with advanced degrees, who are homeless and/or stoners).

No scratch that...having had more than a few seconds to contemplate it I'd just go to the LGBT centers, there are gays who lose their home all the time for a wide variety of reasons, and a great many have their own hard luck stories. Actually, I'm amazed when anyone can reach 40 without some hair raising stories to share (though I understand many don't want to dwell on it let alone talk about it). Life is filled with cruelty and hard times just as it is with beauty and good times.

[Patrocles]

Wow,
I didn't really hope that someone would take me serious and really give advice. Thank you very much.

I see your point about beginning with making friends in shelters or soup kitchens or libraries. But honestly, I would prefer a shorter way and a way which is more sincere and open. (As you said, the guy himself, and the organization, won't be amused if they find out that my hidden agenda is a sexual one.) I've thought about advertising in shelters or in papers for the homeless. (Do you think that it might work?)

The irony of it all is that I really have some asexual, charitable motives to help the homeless - only I know if I worked in a shelter I would get sexually aroused within the first day.

Another problem is of course how to manage the financial gap (I don't want to exploit somebody and don't want to be exploited).

If someone finds a reference - books, links, personal stories - to my problem, I shall be glad to hear of him.

[Patrocles]

Just to explain the "why".

I was a teacher's son in a village of blue-collar workers and I never felt completely "real".

I had some wild years with cruising before I married. The guys I still remember today are mostly the blue-collar guys (partly from foreign countries). Those are the guys about whom I now ask myself: Wouldn't it have been nice if we had settled down as a couple, then? Wouldn't it be nice to at least see them once again, now?

But, alas, these men, now elderly, are completely invisible for me. The elderly "bums" are visible.