Hey I'm back

[nfisher1226]

I haven't been around on here for a long time. At first it was because I had no internet access, but I got that back a few months ago now so I can't use it as an excuse anymore.

I've gone through a ton of changes over the last year in my life. The biggest one has been that my teenage daughter came back to live with me back in April. This has been overall a fantastic thing for both of us, but it wasn't without it's challenges. For the past five years she has been living with her grandparents in Texas and they have been indoctrinating her quite successfully into the Mormon church, to the point where she had way too many backwards attitudes for my comfort. She also was hopelessly naive on a lot of issues for a 14 year old.

So here I was with a teenage daughter who believed that acting on "same sex attraction" is one of the worst sins a person can commit, while she was unaware of the fact that she has a dad who identifies as almost all the way on the gay end of the bi spectrum and an older brother who identifies as bi. So I've been waging a bit of a war for her loyalty with the Mormons, but I'm happy to say she loves her family enough to take a stand for what is right even if it contradicts what her religious leaders are saying.

Over the last six months she and I spoke a lot about the subject (among a lot of others) in preparation for the day I could come out to her officially. I'm happy and relieved to say it finally happened, and what's more she knows about her brother too. It's no big deal to her either. She even mentioned wanting to start a GSA at her school. I'm so proud of her.

So now one of the huge hurdles in my life is overcome. I have financial and legal problems to solve before I'll be ready to start dating, but at least I know that it's not going to cost me my daughter and at least now I can be completely open with her about who I am.

[matty7]

welcome back and congrats on having your daughter back in your life, must have been a great feeling when she accepted you as gay too, at 14 she doesn't sound so naive on the important stuff bless her

[Bowyn Aerrow]

http://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/

What do the Mormons got that you ain't got? God.

She has a faith, which is a good thing and should not be destroyed or condemned. The idea of a higher power who watches over the world and makes sense of the senseless actions of humanity (and the senseless rages of Mom Nature from time to time) is a comfort for billions of people.

What you need to do is find a Gay Affirming Church.

Mormonism is undergoing major changes in its social protocols, there is a general call of tolerance and even affirmation by many stakes and individual congregations. There is even a general call to acceptance at the general level of the church. So it is possible there may be a Mormon (LDS) church in your are that is gay tolerant.

In the battle between you and God, God will win - or worse, you will crush her faith which leads to a lot of personality issues and most people who end up having faith stolen from them become mean and nasty.

The scriptures most commonly used to condemn homosexuality are also being brought up and discussed in many locations. As a theological discussion those passages most used to condemn homosexuality may actually be talking about other activities that we in the modern world don't do - such as worship Moloch (Leviticus) where the issue was not men laying with other men, but men laying with other men as part of the practice of worshiping a False God. Something that so few people do now days (yes it does happen) that no one can relate to this deeper, now hidden meaning in the passages in Leviticus. But when we put the condemnation back in context we find that that particular chapter is listing the 'abominations' of the Moloch worshipers - so it makes more sense to read it as being a general admonishment to temple sex used as worship than two men or women who are in love with one another and who are committed to each other as spouses.

The programing your daughter has gotten cannot be deleted, it is there and part of her personal experiences - well unless you hit her on the head hard enough to cause amnesia - not recommended.

What you can do is modify that programing, introduce her to a new take on the old verses and demonstrate to her that God is Love, Jesus is accepting and tolerant and that the churches of man have been slightly wrong on a few occasions... you know like the Crusades, the Inquisition, the Burning Times....

This battle is not over - it may appear to be, but you are dealing with indoctrination, with faith, with strong opinions bolstered by centuries of 'tradition'. Her spiritual well being demands that you take an affirming approach and feed her need for a higher power at the same time introducing her to many alternative paths on the road to Deity/Providence/Allah/God - whatever you call the invisible person in the sky.

Oh and a gay affirming church may be good for you as well...

[nfisher1226]

It would be pretty hard for you to educate me about the Mormons. I was one myself for a pretty long time, and not of the inactive type. I was very involved.

And I'm not doing anything to take away her faith either. She chooses to go and I let her. I just point out where the teachings put her at odds with those she is close to.

As for who would win in a showdown it isn't about God vs me because I'm not waging that war. But she had an awful lot of anti-dad programming for a long time that most decidedly didn't "take". She was the one who kept up the pressure of saying she wanted to live with dad until people finally relented. The bishop of the ward here tried to say a few negative things about me because I drink coffee and have a couple beers on the weekend, and she stood right up to him and told him not to ever say anything bad about her dad.

As for your assertion about some wards and stakes being more accepting I can assure you that the LDS church only truly changes from the top. If some leader begins saying something out of sync with the prophet it might go on for a bit but eventually they will be brought into the fold, period. And yes they backed off after Prop 8, but the official teachings still rank sexual impurity as second only to murder in the list of the worst sins. That includes any sex outside of a married man and woman, including masturbation.

I'm going to stop now because this is really dangerous and inflammatory stuff for an online forum and I could see things getting too heated easily. What you should have gotten from my first post is that after years and years I got my kid back and am finally able to be open with her about who I am. That's all positive. I won't comment on religion again after this.

[mbennet35]

Welcome back!