Somebody I met online

[swimmer243]

Okay so here's my story. I met this guy through a dating site that said we had 99% in common. I figured this was too good to pass up so I sent him a message, he replied...long story short, we eventually exchanged numbers and have been texting for two months. We definitely have a lot in common and I've started to feel a real connection with him, even though I had never met him yet. The biggest problem for me about this though, is that he lives over 2 hours away from me, which kind of complicates things in terms of seeing each other on a regular basis.

Well recently we finally did meet in person, in a town halfway between us, and it went really well. We had a really good time, and from what i could tell there was a lot of chemistry there. I felt like after two months of talking and really getting to know each other, this was finally our first chance to be physical. Not sex or anything, but at least a kiss goodnight before we left, but there wasn't even that...only a hug. I asked him about it through text later that night, if he didn't feel like kissing me, he said he did but he wanted to wait for us to feel each other out a bit more first. I mean, fair enough I guess, but I thought after spending a whole day together and after talking every day for 2 months that we already did have a pretty good feel for each other, but whatever.

He also told me later that night in a text that he had a good time and it felt like we were two old friends catching up. Which to me seems like a weird choice of words. After all that does he really only see us as just friends?

So I guess I have two questions here. One, is it a bad idea to try and pursue a relationship with a guy who lives two hours away? And two, based on what I said so far, does it seem like he's interested in me and maybe just wants to take things slow? I'm just confused right now and don't know where to go from here. He said he wants to hang out again but I have no idea when that will be because we both have pretty busy schedules.

[JimmyDalton]

Keep connecting with him. Maybe he is comfortable with you than with anyone else. You can tell if he is into you, and if he is not. If you think it is best, just ask him. Just being friend is not so bad. It is not easy (in my case) to have a friend who knows you just the way you are.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Too many guys on the internet are on there for sex and sex only. I get where he is coming from, wanting to take it slowly and not place himself in a position of getting hurt.

And too, he most likely doesn't want to come off as being 'that guy' you know, the one who is a player who wants 'just sex'. Its real hard to find the right moment to kiss a fella with all of this other stuff that can confuse a situation.

2 hours apart:

I personally would date a guy on the other side of the continent. however there is a catch. I am willing and able to leave here and move there.

I also look at the long term potentials. Yes right now you are two hours apart - but if this turns out to be a relationship will you be two hours apart forever?

If you cannot or will not relocate, then stop using the internet to date guys and stick to local bar scenes or something.

[swimmer243]

Thank you both for the advice.

Neither of us are the type who are only looking for sex...we established that pretty early on. We both have had relationship experience and we know what we're looking for. For me, he seems (so far) like he fits the mold perfectly of the kind of guy I'm looking for.

When we actually speak to each other (not just through text) we are both kind of flirty with each other. It's just that texting right now is like our main form of communication since we both have busy schedules and don't have much time to speak. So that can get really frustrating.

Anyway...I'm going to wait and see how things go next time we meet up. Another concern of mine though (I don't know if it's just paranoia) is that he very rarely brings up hanging out - its usually always me to ask when he's free or when he wants to meet up again. But I tend to be kind of an impatient person lol so I ask him pretty often because I just want to know when I'll be able to see him again.

[BobInTampa]

I'll be a bit more blunt in my answers:

QUESTION 1: Is it a bad idea to try and pursue a relationship with a guy who lives two hours away?
ANSWER: NO! Two hours is not that bad. My best lesbian gal-pal's girlfriend lives 2 hours from her and they work out their visits quite nicely. Would it be more convenient if they were closer? Sure, but their life situation is what it is and so they accept the distance and deal with it. Now, a key thing to making this work is that IF YOU BOTH want to see each other more frequently, you BOTH have to agree to take turns doing the driving. The only other issue on "distance" relationships is if his or your work schedule make it difficult to see each other after work and on weekends.

QUESTION 2: Does it seem like he's interested in me and maybe just wants to take things slow?
ANSWER: It sounds to me like YOU rushed the issue and he gently pushed back. Chatting on the phone and texting is NOT spending time with each other. You can't gauge his interest and/or attraction to you via phone chats (live or via text), and you coming out and telling him you wanted to kiss and/or get more physical set off a yellow flag - his comment about you being "two friends catching up" is a CLEAR signal to you that he wasn't ready to move forward, quickly. To be honest, my gut tells me you might have actually hurt your chances with him because of what you said. There's nothing that will scare a guy off quicker than when a guy rushes too fast. THIS WAS A FIRST DATE! He was comfortable giving you a hug goodbye. You wanted more and told him that - AFTER 1 DATE - and you spooked him!

My advice. Don't bring it up again. IF he wants to see you again, in-person, consider yourself lucky and just let things progress at their own pace. DO NOT PUSH IT! If he delays or avoids setting a date and time to meet again face-to-face, that might be a signal to you that you scared him off.

Sorry to sound harsh, but there are WAY too many guys who try and move way too fast, then find themselves alone again and wondering why they keep scaring guys off - and it's a sad circle of events. Learn from this and STOP RUSHING THINGS!

[swimmer243]

Thank you very much for the honest advice - I really appreciate it.

I can definitely see what you're saying about me possibly scaring him off. But there's a few reasons why I don't know if that's the case:

-we had already been chatting for two months before meeting. Most people who go on "first dates" don't. I already felt like we knew each other pretty well and to me it just felt right.
-prior to meeting up in person, he would often text me saying he wanted me to come cuddle with him. So it definitely seemed like he was willing to be physical at least in some way. Again, I didn't tell him I wanted to have sex...all I told him is that I wanted to kiss him goodnight.
-he still talks to me and will call me at night when we're both home from work

But I still think you're right. It's hard for me because like I said I can be very impatient, but I'm not going to bring up meeting in person anymore and wait and see if he does. I think that'll give me a good idea of whether or not he's interested

[NJBub]

Take it slow. He sounds like a nice guy and just wants to know you better. Chatting online is a start but nothing like being in person. You have to see what kind of relationship you are looking for. An actual relationship or just a hook up. Two hours away is a tough one but if I felt the chemistry I would go for it. Good luck.

[jimcrackcorn]

Ahhhh, that elusive "first kiss". The one that breaks the ice and pronounces your desire to be more than just friends.

There are several reasons why he may have rejected a goodnight kiss; He may have forgot to bring his breath mints and was afraid his bad breath would ruin the first kiss. Or he may have had a bad experience in the past with other dates that turned sour after kissing on the first date. Maybe he is just super old fashioned about kissing on the first date. Or, it could be that after spending a day with you, he didn't feel you were the right one for him.

The only way you will know what's going on in this guys head, is to schedule more dates and see how it goes.

Hope it works out,
Jim