10-05-2013, 12:19 AM
Ok so this is probably going to get really lengthy so my apologies. So I've been battling depression and social anxiety for years. My parents both have depression and my mom has social anxiety. But my social anxiety causes me to have either a little stutter or I have trouble getting the words out or I get stuck on words (its only around people, when I'm alone I speak fine. Neither my mom or dad have this issue with their anxiety). I know this isn't a forum where I'm talking about my past or anything but if you knew my past then you'd understand maybe why I like guys and/or why I'm so confused. But anyways. I like guys. I like girls as well, I've had 7 girls friends in my life. But I've also had a few friends, where I've grown feelings for. I think about kissing them, touching them, sleeping with them but not having sex although I wouldn't mind sex with a guy. I do want kids and I'd like a girlfriend. I'm a senior in high school, I've never had a boyfriend and publicly I don't think I'd feel comfortable being seen with a guy romantically. I'd like to have a boyfriend but sort of a friends with benefits type of thing. Where I'd go over his house or something and pertain to our feelings for each other and not show it in public. Some of the friends I've had (males) I've told them I liked them (somewhere in the length of our friendship, where its months or weeks). I've had some friends respond saying "We'll I'm not gay man". Other's just say "Oh interesting". So basically, some friends when I told them it didn't affect our friendship, others they don't hang out with me as much (they don't invite me to hang out outside of school like they used to), and they don't talk to me as much. Soo I have a lot of stories about each guy I've liked and obviously I'm not going to share them although I could, but their personal. So anyways I'm just confused as to what do I really like (gender wise). My father was never around as a child, I grew up around yelling and fighting. But I've grown up as a nice caring respectful person, I have my manners and I'm not a jerk or a bully. So whoever has anything to say, please post. I've always had a feeling I liked guys even as a young kid, but I never got to understand that I actually liked guys, until probably freshmen year.