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I need help. Legit.
#1
I seriously need help. However, I have absolutely zero gay "friends" or even straight friends that will listen to me or try to offer me solid advice so I'm going to ask you guys.

Back in July I met this guy on hornet and I noticed that his tag line said he was not looking for a relationship or hook up that he was only looking for chat. I understood and I wasn't really looking for anything either however he was wearing a shirt for one of my all time favorite bands. So I figured at least I would tell him that his shirt was cool. I messaged him and said "that shirt.. two thumbs up!" and since then we have basically been talking non-stop. Also the time right before he moved to college we would hang out almost everyday for the majority of the day. Plus, we text pretty much all the time unless he is in class. I have become really attached to him and have some pretty strong feelings for him but, last time I got attached to someone I was extremely hurt and I'm scared of having to face the same thing so I'm hoping that you can advise me on what to do or give me your opinion because I'm very confused.

The signs that I get that make me think he does like me are: whenever we text he tends to use extra letters and smileys. When we hang out sometimes he will play punch me or bump into me. I have also been saving to move to Seattle for some time, which is way off from Moultrie where I live and basically he kept saying everywhere I said was too far until I said Savannah which is one hour away from where he is going to college. Whenever I have to leave he always walks me out to my car and he gives me a hug(which omg dude the best hug ever) and always tells me to let him know when I get home. Another things is we have a lot in common, even his mother noticed haha and me and her get along great. Another thing is he playfully calls me whore lmao and when I say something like "no i'm not dammit!!" he will say "don't be mad, you're my favorite whore Smile"

The things that make me think that he doesn't are: about a month after he met he told me that his mother asked him had me and him been fooling around, which we haven't, and he told me that he told her no that he really didn't see me that way that he saw me as the friend he always wanted. Also, whenever he says he is going to bed I always tell him to sleep well and good night(in german because my ancestors are german and he always picks on me about it) and I put a smiley at the end "Smile" like that and his response is either "goodnight" "goodnight." or "goodnight!"

Maybe I'm over thinking everything but I'm so scared to tell him how I feel and make a fool of myself. My biggest fear is to drive him away because I just don't know how I could cope.

Thank You from the bottom of my heart!
Mitch
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#2
I understand you like him and you're afraid of losing him.

But here's the short answer, this is how the game is played.

If you desire anything more from this relationship then you MUST inform him--otherwise he left guessing as well.

Short story, when I first met my current partner I was *instantly* interested in more. He, on the other hand, was fresh out of a LTR and really not interested in jumping back into another.

He put me off, put me off, put me off...and eventually told me no. That took about 3 months...

It was agony. But life goes on and I started dating other guys.

Shortly thereafter, we meet for lunch and voila', he asks me if I'm still interested.

Smile

So the point is, these things take time...
These things are like nailing jello to the wall...
These things can be agonizing.
But life goes on and there ARE other fish in the sea...and SEAttle.

Wink

Good luck. Go for it.
Luck favors the bold.
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#3
Thank you for your advice sir. Nice play on words as well I might add. I wish you and your partner the best.
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#4
So what reason did he give for no interest in a relationship at this point?

You did ask him at some point in the month you have been building a friendship - right?

No?

Assuming you haven't ask and have no idea as to why he chooses to not get involved at this time, I think that instead of telling him how you feel about potential relationship with him, that you should ask him why it is he was looking for 'just chat'. His answer may be quite revealing... That is if he is a bit more able/willing to actually talk to you.

Assuming you have asked and know the answer to my burning question (Yes I know curiosity kills cats, but I'm not a cat so I'm highly curious) .

Whatever the reason, no matter how silly/stupid it may sound, it is a very valid reason and one that to him is of emotional importance and you need to respect that answer.

Never know - he may be going through the same exact doubt and worry and concern that a relationship will break instead of make this friendship. If you are into sarcasm, now is the time I say - that never happens..... Wink
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#5
Ita nothing like that he just told me that he doesn't want to date anybody right now which is why I've been waiting it out to say anything. . Idk I'm sure I'm overlooking it.
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#6
Yes but why doesn't he want to. I don't want to because I don't want to is not saying WHY he doesn't want to....

Ask him, "Why don't you want to date anyone right now?"
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#7
Oh you silly young people. Attaching your emotions to everything and everybody who gives you a smile or says "hi" to you.

Learn to control your emotions. You are in charge, so start BEING in charge of yourself. If you dont, you will ruin every friendship and/or relationship you have....or wont have, because you cannot handler yourself.

He's your friend. I understand the psychology behind the "puppy love" issue, but thats all it is, infatuation with someone who's been nice to you. There will be plenty of people in your life who will be nice to you, including some good looking guys. This doesnt mean they have the "hots" for you, and neither does it mean they want to have sex with you.

Some guys just want a good friend who is another guy, regardless of sexual orientation.

Dont be reading thinigs into this friendship that arent there. Dont be making plays for the guy if you know all he wants is a friend. Learn to control your emotions and learn how to understand people. Just because he likes you, doesnt mean he likes you "that way".

If you dont control your emotions and put them in their place and keep perspective on yourself, then you wont have any friendships or relationships that will last very long, if at all.

This isnt something that is just "you". This is a growing up issue, pretty much all people have had to deal with this while growing up. Some worse than others. Some "got it" quicker than others, some still dont get it and are suffering because of it.

Learn to control yourself and learn perspective, otherwise get ready to lose a good friend.
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#8
Quote:There will be plenty of people in your life who will be nice to you
Rolleyes:biggrin:RoflmaoRofl

Yeah Riiiigghhtttt......

and after you buy that kid, I got a bridge in Brooklyn to sell ya.
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#9
Actually MrTinkles its nothing like that. My emotions are in check. I'm not like the majority of people that go head over heals for every guy that passes by them. To this day I have been in one relationship and it lasted for two years however ended with me being hurt. Also this isn't a sex thing. If I wanted sex I know where to find it, I genuinely appreciate this guy for the person he is.

Now Bowen lets discuss that bridge!! What price range are we talking?
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#10
How much do you have in the bank currently..... Wink
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