My coursemate is very hateful towards me and that hurts me.

[nfisher1226]

Lots of speculation that the guy might be closeted, and while I'm not going to dismiss the possibility out of hand it's quite irrelevant. He's doing the absolutely most stereotypical homophobe bullying routine out there. Not even any creativity to it. I mean, hitting you with his bag as he walks past? He should be sued by the producers of Glee for copyright infringement because he sounds like he's doing a public performance of David Karovsky.

As for what you should do about it, there have been a lot of great suggestions already. This type of garbage should not be tolerated. If the institution you are going to is unaware of it, make them aware. If they don't act, shame them. If they still don't act, absolutely involve the police.

What I wouldn't try is analyzing his motives in any way, or thinking any more about whether or not he's cute. Supposing he is, as others have speculated, closeted. He's about the worst possible boyfriend material you or anyone else could find. he doesn't deserve a first look let alone a second.

[southbiochem]

I dealt with guys like this all 12 years of school..and just for my regular "abnormalities"..I often wonder what they would've done if they knew I was gay..

I for one, endured...the beating, the insults, the getting locked in the bathroom after 5 of them held me to the ground and for some reason took my clothes off..

I would suggest you apply a little bit of this...endurace and indiference and then add the advice already posted: report him to the proper authorities, your college has to have policies towards abuse against one of its members however the nature of the abuse maybe..

keep your close ones close and stand tall..don't adress him, don't acknowledge him, don't let him get you down (and yes, many of my abusers were pretty handsome, I understand you, but don't let that get into your head. As of this moment he is detrimental to you )

[JZman]

I won't reveal my name, but I hope it won't cause any problems.

So I'm a young gay guy, I'm a student and I'm having hard situation at my university. There is a homophobic guy in my course who's very hostile towards gay people and especially towards me. We've never been friends, but once he found out I'm gay, he's treating me as if I was some kind of a pest or something. He has never called me by my name, for him I'm fa_got, sissy, queer and so on. He laughs about me every time he can. Once I came to the class with a new T-shirt on and suddenly he asked loudly "didn't they have it in rainbow colors for our little mr I-love-it-in-the-ass?" Of course, most of the students were laughing. He has a small group of guys that he hangs out with and they also laugh about me, but they only do it when he starts it. When he's not present, no one offends me.

Some time ago we had some small holiday in university and I was talking with some girls about how to spend it and where to go, what to do and he was passing by and he obviously heard our conversation and he was like "go to Iraq, they'll hang you like a dog in there and they'll be right."
I usually hang out with girls mostly, because we get on very well and they also defend me against his attacks. Girls like gay guys for some reason, I guess, and he also hates me for that. He says he doesn't understand what do girls find in such an assclowns like me.

Every day he talks with his friends how much he hates gays, every day he's like "f*cking fags, you should all be shot dead" and he's looking right at me when saying things like that. He has never attacked me physically, although sometimes he hits me with his bag when passing by or pushes me, as if accidentally and then he's like "oh sorry, did you get a boo boo?" and guys are laughing again.

I don't understand what have I done to make him hate me so much. I would like to pull him aside and talk to him when no one else is around, but he's almost never alone and I'm also actually scared to approach him. Why is he treating me like that? He doesn't even know me. I don't know him as well, and he's not the first person that had made homophobic remarks towards me, but for some reason his words hurt me very much.

What should I do?

P.S. He's handsome, what maybe makes this problem even bigger. I know I wouldn't care so much if he would be ugly.

This is not a good situation for you. I realize that you may not want to draw any more attention to yourself than you need to. Now is the time for you to be strong and talk to a counselor, your class adviser, and campus security. If you get no where there, then file a report with the local police and seek legal alternatives. Colleges and police departments are required to file reports with the FBI for crime statistics. College administrators and Mayors do not want negative statistics on their reports. This kind of harassment if left unaddressed can escalate to physical violence or worse.

This guy is not comfortable in his own skin and he is targeting you. I know he is good looking and all. But he is not well. You cannot make him well... He needs to seek professional help. He probably will not do that willingly and it is something he needs to do on his own.

He is displaying signs of latent homosexual tendencies. He may have repressed fantasies that you presence bring to mind. To tell himself that he is not gay, he puts you down publicly to renounce his own homosexual thoughts. Don't get me wrong here. I am not saying that he is Gay. What I am saying is that he may have some fantasies that he would never carry out. (His perception is his reality) It scares him to think that he may be Gay on some level. So, he targets you to let everyone and himself know that he is opposed to homosexuality. To confront him with this yourself would challenge his masculinity and cause possible severe repercussions even physical violence. This is his issue.

Your issue is your safety, health, and wellness. You cannot be worrying about this guy taking things to the next level. And you need to be able to function in a class room environment that supports your eagerness and willingness to learn. If you come to a class where you are ridiculed and heckled it degrades you and erodes your self esteem and prevents you from functioning at your best.

By reporting this to the authorities you put him in check and give yourself legal standing ("The best defense is a strong offense sometimes.").

I hope this helps. My prayers are with you for a peaceful resolve.

[starbelly]

I don't know what university you go to, but at mine something like this would NEVER fly. If that happened to me in one of my classes, I'd have about 90% of the class filing complaints or at the very least stepping in and saying something, professors included (not to mention there are lots of other openly gay and lesbian people in many of my classes).

Fortunately, my university is a very LGBT-friendly school— they actually had an event on Friday celebrating National "Coming Out" day this last week. I've always sort of assumed that universities are (by and large) places where LGBT people would be accepted and not have to worry about harassment or anything of that sort— it's a place for education and knowledge, not bullying one another or breeding ignorant hatred. I have a friend who goes to a private Christian university and even they have a strict code about protecting minorities and creating a safe and welcoming environment for the LGBT community.

There's no excuse for what's happening to you there, and you shouldn't have to deal with that shit as a paying student who is there trying to learn. Get in contact with administration about it.

[mbennet35]

First I want to say please becareful people like this can be dangerous.

Second REPORT IT even if you can't prove it... it will go on record and if he ever tries anything you will have proof of his harrasment and it will be easier to press charges against him.

Again please becareful and report it to both police and school officals this should not be allowed and if the school does nothing then go to the media. Schools hate bad press.

[Homer]

Is there an LGBTQ Center housed under the Student Union (building) at your university? If so, go to seek their help/support. If there isn't one, there might be an LGBT center in the university town that you can seek help from.

[Dreamer]

He wants to fuck the shit out of you!!!


That's the reality of the situation!


He envies you deeply, with how you've come to accept and love yourself
despite any possible backlash from those around you.


More than likely, he jacks off the gay porn all night,
only to take it out on openly gay guys like yourself
to prove to himself and others with how he's so hetero.


Sometimes, homophobes who are obsessed with their "victims" as he is
can snap and act on their threats or hurting or even killing them.


So report him, change classes and avoid him as much as you can.


I don't know why you've bothered to include with how you were attracted to him sexually,
but maybe you've made it too obvious
and he's taken notice given the backlash you're receiving.


Be safe...
stick by your friends, and don't wander alone.

[starbelly]

He wants to fuck the shit out of you!!!


That's the reality of the situation!


He envies you deeply with how you've come to accept and love yourself,
despite any possible backlash from those around you.


More than likely he jacks off the gay porn all night
only to take it out on openly gay guys like yourself
to prove to himself and others with how he's so hetero.


Sometimes, homophobes who are obsessed with their "victims" as he is
can snap and act on their threats or hurting or even killing them.


So report him, change classes and avoid him as much as you can.


I don't know why you've bothered to include with how you were attracted to him sexually,
but maybe you've made it too obvious
and he's taken notice given the backlash you're receiving.


Be safe...
stick by your friends, and don't wonder alone.

I actually kind of agree with this. I don't think an actual straight guy would really talk to a gay man (even in an antagonistic manner) about "getting fucked in the ass"— straight men typically don't THINK about getting fucked in the ass by other guys, let alone talk about it. He could very well be harboring some seriously repressed sexual feelings. If he weren't such an evil prick, you could totally date him (you did say he was hot, right?).

[Anonymous]

Well, actually the thing is that our university doesn't really do anything about things like this. They're only concerned on teaching. Once I tried to tell about this the teacher who's supposed to be something like supervisor of our course, but she just said that I should be an adult and deal with my problems myself. It made me feel as if I was a child complaining his mommy about this big bad guy. Most of our teachers always says that we're all grown ups in here and must be able to take care of ourselves. I don't live in the US though.

[Waylon777]

Well, first of all, tell this to your faculty adviser, registrar and the school HR. Something like this should not be allowed in a civilized places such as university. This a.ss of a student never grew up from high school, has he? Anyways, do not retaliate with fist or any sort of physical violence. They will retaliate in such manner as well. Instead, maybe you should just look at him the same way he does to you, like a pest, and see how he feels about it. Or just completely ignore him him, like he doesn't exist. Any time you see, hear or feel him, ignore it, like he disappeared. At least this way, he might get bored of bullying you like that. Also, if he ever talks sh$t about being hang in the Middle East again, I will personally come there, and make him feel the way how gay people live here in the Middle East. He has no f#$cking idea how hard it is to accept that some of the nicest countries there is can sometimes just have so much hate for just loving someone. He has no idea. It just infuriates me that such an a.ss can be born. Either way, be sure to talk to the faculty members in your university about this matter, they could kick him out of the university if you are lucky. If he just gets a warning, film or record the things he says, and report it to the local police and your faculty members for harassment, I'm sure that will do some justice. Be sure to ignore him, and never let him get to you. Be strong! If you need someone to talk to, there are millions of people on this forum to help you out! And be sure to talk to your friends and families about this. It always helps to have a mother at your side! Good Luck!