My coursemate is very hateful towards me and that hurts me.

[Waylon777]

Hmm, go higher up in the hierarchy of your university. Remember, some of the profs are just there to do his research and get on, not to be a babysitter. Your professor could be that type. It's unfair to just say deal with your own problems. It is your problem, but you need people to solve it. Your professor just doesn't want to be a part of something that could get messy. So, talk to the admin and the HR people in the university. They usually take this kind of issues. also, talk to your university's counselling people, they are usually the nicest people that will help you if things get destructive.

Well, actually the thing is that our university doesn't really do anything about things like this. They're only concerned on teaching. Once I tried to tell about this the teacher who's supposed to be something like supervisor of our course, but she just said that I should be an adult and deal with my problems myself. It made me feel as if I was a child complaining his mommy about this big bad guy. Most of our teachers always says that we're all grown ups in here and must be able to take care of ourselves. I don't live in the US though.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for your support, guys!

The ignoring thing doesn't work, I've tried it. If I act like I don't hear and see him, he just becomes even more annoying.

I know I should tell someone about it, but I'm afraid they might not believe me, because he's not that kind of a bully who's rude to the teachers and everyone and ditches school and stuff. No, he's actually very good student and polite to everyone except me.

I'm also afraid that if I'll complain things might get even worse. Now he's just talking s*hit, but if he finds out that I have done something like that, that could make him angry and he might actually hurt me.

And yes, this teacher also made me feel bad. She was almost like - you're an adult man and you can't cope with your own problems?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

^^^ Well figure out a way to inform him anonymously about how homophobia is perceived in the modern world. I don't know slip a note in a locker? Do lockers exist on university/college campuses. Um slide a note under his car windshield wiper?

If you are the only gay man he treats this way, the problem may not be that he hates you but that he is attracted to you and he hates how he is feeling he hates that he is attracted to you.


Yes I know, that sounds strange. But it happens.

Is there an LGBT or Gay/Straight Alliance club/office on campus? If so you may want to talk to people there.

I'm hearing a lot of reasons why you can't solve the problem, I would be interested in knowing what resources actually exist on campus that may be helpful.

[Rosie]

Report him to the dean! And dare I say learn to stand up for yourself. I was having problems with one particular classmate who thought that it was okay to say extremely homophobic things in class (to which the professor ignored due to his being equally ignorant), I immediately spoke out in class, then went to the head of the department. They dealt with it and made it clear to her that if she said anything else offensive she would be expelled permanently. I then went to the dean to address the problems with the professor, where he was dealt with as well.
I had another class with the student a couple semesters later and she did not dare to so much as look at me.

[Rosie]

Anonomous, what country do you live in?

[Anonymous]

I'm from Belarus. Homosexuality is legal here, but not things like same sex marriage or adoption.

No, we don't have Gay Straight Alliance in our university. That would be too much to ask, I guess. By the way, I don't think there's a school in Belarus with a Gay Straight Alliance. Parents of small children wouldn't allow to make one, even if the school wanted to.

[Rosie]

Well that probably makes a big difference, I'm sorry that you're going through this and hope that you find a solution that works for your situation.

[southbiochem]

Belarus.....now I get it...yep, as difficult as Russia in the LGBT area.

Man, I'm sorry for you.

I again suggest to make no acknowledgement of his person...if you have a close group of people, keep them close at all times...he, as I see it has a thing for you...if he really is a "good student" who only picks on you for being gay...ugh...he definitely has feelings that he doesn't know how to deal with.

The problem with direct approach in this matter is that he may become violent....

You'll need to try the indirect approach, the casual "why do you feel the need to pick on me" on a one-to-one basis but while there are still people arround..

[Waylon777]

Hmm, i think you can still try to do a recording of him saying bad things at you. It would be a good evidence to defense against this goodie-two-shoe.

I'm from Belarus. Homosexuality is legal here, but not things like same sex marriage or adoption.

No, we don't have Gay Straight Alliance in our university. That would be too much to ask, I guess. By the way, I don't think there's a school in Belarus with a Gay Straight Alliance. Parents of small children wouldn't allow to make one, even if the school wanted to.

[zeon]

Hello Annoymous,
Firstly never worry about not revealing your identity it wont change any given advice. I am sorry to hear that your getting some homophobic hate crime at the university your studying at. I would recommend maybe consulting the campus people or the support groups./ teachers and would recommend maybe keeping a time and date and monitor it over the next six months. Anything that you put to the relivant parties I would recommend putting a letter of writing in expressing your concern about the issue and request that they write back with regards to how they are going to tackle and deal with the homophobic abuse your receiving. In a work place this would not be acceptable and therefore in a university it should be the same as there is nothing wrong with being gay.
If the university fail to act and protect the students you can consult the police force providing that your not living in a homophobic country such as jamaca or russia. Once a complaint has been lodged after a six month window with the evidence you got and letters of correspondance you may find that you can then request to take the individual to court for harrassment with threats intended to cause alarm/distress to a individual. It may be a uphill struggle trying to get a result but dont give up as bullies need to be taught a strong lesson in respect and something tells me he may be indenial about his sexuality and therefore is projecting it onto you in this form.
You stated that his never hit you physically but then get hit by his bag. In my eyes that is still a form of assualt if delibarte and therefore should not be tolerated. Does he hit everyone else with it? If not that is victimisation and singling you out could be him suppressing to damage your future careers and prospects. You said you wanted to talk with him and maybe a slight shock tactic of actually grabbing and going YOU OUTSIDE NOW infront of his friends may do the trick and ask him calmly and firmly what the hell his problem is. Tell him if his got a problem with gay people dont attack them just talk and accept its alot easier as even if we were all shot and killed the future generations to come would have gay in them as well so that is such a mindless comment to come out with.

Well first step try to talk to him if you cant or dont feel safe to do so write to the university expressing your concerns for your welbeing at the campus and that you would like something to be done and request a letter back within a set time period..

Kindest regards

Aunty Zeon cxc