My coursemate is very hateful towards me and that hurts me.

[Anonymous]

No, he doesn't touch anyone else, it's just me. I don't know what to say when he starts to talk nonsense. I've a feeling that he's even listening to what I talk with other people. Today I was comforting my friend who was dumped by her boyfriend. She asked if I have had serious relationships and before I managed to answer, he suddenly was like "of course, he's giving his as.s to everyone, you just have to ask" He's sooo irritating that I don't know what to do. I would like to answer something just as stupid, but somehow I can't think of anything.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Um.... This is sounding suspiciously like a fellow who is attracted to YOU and has issues with dealing with that attraction.

If he is isolating YOU and you alone and taking so much interest in YOUR life this isn't typical 'homophobia'.

I really have no other ideas on how to deal with this. As I said, I can back up my words with actions in a push comes to shove situation. Can you? Can you take a few punches and give a few back? If so push this situation back - try to take him aside and talk to him. If it comes to blows then take him out.

He clearly has issues with YOU and you alone. Clearly you are at a place that has no LGBT resources nor for that matters actually cares about LGBT bullying - thus you are left with either just going about your life and accepting this fellow and his attentions, or addressing him directly.

LGBT have had a long history of having to deal with their personal problems on their own. That means we had to learn how to either grow a very tough hide, or learn how to fight back. apparently you live in a part of the world that is decidedly 20th century in its approach to the Gay Question.

If he won't let you talk to him in private, maybe you need to air this laundry in the places he wants to air it. Such as when you are having a conversation with a friend he interjects you can reply back directly that you understand he misses the love you two once had, but honestly its over he wasn't that good in bed.

There are reasons why gay men are known for their sharp wit and sarcastic humor - its a self defense mechanism which actually serves well in situations like this.

[Anonymous]

"If he won't let you talk to him in private, maybe you need to air this laundry in the places he wants to air it. Such as when you are having a conversation with a friend he interjects you can reply back directly that you understand he misses the love you two once had, but honestly its over he wasn't that good in bed."

Are you serious? I'm afraid I might not be alive anymore then

But actually, if he has issues with me alone, why can't he talk with me alone about them? We're adults, why does he has to behave like a little kid?

[matty7]

he's a flaming Mo... he sounds like hes got gay tendencies he doesn't want to come to terms with and taking it out on you mate - may be a silly theory but ive heard worse lol, - if things get desperate with this ape then see a bigger bully and offer him a cash incentive to have a word with this idiot to lay off - both my suggestions are to be taken a little light hearted but I do hope you manage to sort this guy out soon

[Bowyn Aerrow]

"If he won't let you talk to him in private, maybe you need to air this laundry in the places he wants to air it. Such as when you are having a conversation with a friend he interjects you can reply back directly that you understand he misses the love you two once had, but honestly its over he wasn't that good in bed."

Are you serious? I'm afraid I might not be alive anymore then

But actually, if he has issues with me alone, why can't he talk with me alone about them? We're adults, why does he has to behave like a little kid?

No I wasn't kidding - but then like I have said several times, I can back up my talk when necessary.

As to the why.... I really don't know. While you two are legally adults according to the birth certificates, the reality is that in different areas people mature at different rates/speeds.

Clearly he hasn't matured at the self acceptance level, thus is immature enough to lash out at the object of his desire.

There is a deeper psychology going on here. he is, most likely, a decent fellow in many other areas of his life. This one issue is his hanging point. It is clear from what you said that in other areas is he 'decent' or able to be.

I do not know him. So I don't know why. I have a few 'maybe becauses':

Maybe he had a bad experience as a kid. Child abuse leads to bullying, if it was a sexual abuse thing he may be overly sensitive about 'gay'.

Maybe his parents are right wing conservatives that have told him every singe day since he was born that gay is a one way trip to hell and he he doesn't want to go to hell.

Maybe he has masculinity issues and associates being gay as being emasculated.

It may be a combination of all the above, or he may just be hardwired for assholery when it comes to romance.

I can assure you of this, most people around you who are witnessing this see him as the asshole - not you. No they do not want to get involved, they most likely have a lot they want to say but really are afraid to say anything (get involved). Many may not actually know what to say to defuse the matter and remain silent or 'play along' hoping that if they humor the ugly the ugly will go lay down and sleep.

Again I suggest anonymously informing him that homophobia is viewed as closeted homosexuality. Again I have no idea how to go about that in your life. A letter with a printed article under his windshield wiper - IDK?

Since you are afraid of him physically (Punching, hitting, taking this to physical violence) I strongly urge you to take self defense classes of some sort.

Not only will it give you a leg up and help you to survive when you finally do meet your physical fight - it will also boost your own self confidence and empower you just knowing that you can protect yourself if need be.

I'm not saying you need to go out and learn martial arts to start crap with people and end it with a well placed karate chop - I am saying that you need to be able to protect yourself because few people are actually going to do that for you.

[Chase]

I think it is illogical to assume the hateful classmate is a repressed homosexual. Homophobia in Belarus sounds pretty tense.
Belarus is recognized by human rights groups as one of the worst places for freedom of speech. As such, any police brutality or neglect you may be given from the authorities for any harassment claims you make could make the situation you are in snowball, where the harassment gets worse and worse after the bully learns he will get away with it.
If your English speaking skills are good, then the only thing I can suggest is that you consider transferring to a university outside Belarus to a school somewhere in the Anglosphere. If you can speak another language, then you can consider the countries that speak that language as well. You would need to research how lgbt-friendly the atmosphere of each country is, as well as the university in question.
If this sounds cowardly, unnecessary, or out of your means, then I'm afraid I can't suggest anything else.
One thing I would not do if I were you is go to the police. Not the police of Belarus, that is. Fighting back against him may also prove useless, and land you in prison.
This bigot will never learn of your humanity, do not count on that, I assure you.
Most people just can't move to another country, I myself can't. Just hang in there. It may be a good idea to start looking over your shoulder every so often. Try avoid walking through paths where he may corner you alone. Also, try sitting at the other end of the room as him during class.

[Pix]

That this is in Belarus changes things considerably. Ignore everything I said, it does not apply to you which was said on the incorrect assumption that you lived in a fairly civilized country (and no, I don't consider Belarus civilized no matter how proud of themselves they tend to be or their heritage & history). Instead, immigrate.

Or get used to how you're being treated now because that's what you've got to look forward to the rest of your life (at least for the next couple of decades anyway).

[Pix]

It's been awhile since I heard anything of social life in Belarus so I just looked it up...it's not the worst country in the world to be gay but it's still pretty horrid:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Belarus

[southbiochem]

It's been awhile since I heard anything of social life in Belarus so I just looked it up...it's not the worst country in the world to be gay but it's still pretty horrid:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_rights_in_Belarus

Well, Mr. Lukashenko, who has been in power some 17 years or so in Belarus has publicly declared that he prefers to be called a dictator (which he somewhat is) than to be gay, in an obvious hostility towards a German politician (don't remember his name) who is openly gay just cause he along with one Polish politican are pressuring Belarus to be more democratic...

when you have enough balls to insult a German...oh, my you must really be a homophobe...

besides, sharing a border with Russia and being heavily influenced by it does not help...

I hope Anonymous can get a break despite all this, really...it sucks to be in the situation he is now

I think it is illogical to assume the hateful classmate is a repressed homosexual

True, one cannot assume, however the way he acts towards him and only him strongly suggests that something going on..
that aside, what we can be sure of, is that this path cannot be followed, cause whether it's true or not I fear he will become violent towards anonymous if heps confronted about it.

[Vigilias]

May I ask which country you're in?

My answer is based on UK law.

His behaviour is criminal. In 1997 a law was passed to protect people against repeated, unwanted and unwelcome behaviour. The Protection from Harassment Act, 1997 s.1 states that "A person must not pursue a course of conduct which he knows or ought to know amounts to harassment of another"

The law goes on to say that the person whose course of conduct is in question out to know his behaviour is harassing if a reasonable person in possession of the same information as the person whose course of conduct is in question thinks that his behaviour amounts to harassment.

Everyone else here certainly thinks so. You could/should go to the University authorities and or the Police. In the case of the Police, he will be spoken to and given a formal warning that should he continue to behave in this way towards you and a complaint is received, he will be arrested.

What will help is if you keep a diary recording incidents under date, time, place and what happened, you might also want to add a few remarks of your own as to how it made you feel when it happened. When you feel you have enough evidence you can do one of a number of things.

Confront him with the fact that you have been keeping a diary and tell him you'll make a complaint if his behaviour towards you doesn't stop. This could only alert him to the fact he's being watched so that he can make a false alibi for himself. So maybe best to just warn him that you will report him if he carries on.

You could take your diary to the university authorities and or the Police. The diary will be accepted as evidence ("Contemporaneous notes - notes taken at the time or as soon as is reasonably practicable after the incident in question) and they can be used in court.

He could be thrown off his course for this.

Of course you must expect him to raise a robust defence and he may try to accuse you of similar behaviour towards him so as to make it appear that it is equally your fault. Be prepared.

I've attached a link to the relevant legislation. You can at least take a look and see if the circumstances are appropriate for you to use it.

http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1997...040_en.pdf

THAT IS *IF* YOU ARE IN ENGLAND OR WALES.

This is the Scottish version:
http://www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1997...g/scotland

Good luck and let us know how you get on!