on or off?

[pattrickw]

I've been in a very loving and turbulent relationship for the past 2 1/2 years.... after all is said and done, we have stood the test of time, after realizing we both truly do love each other and distance has always been an issue or inconvenience, regardless.. he has cheated and always found a reason to be "single" during an argument and fool around. I've always insisted on monogamy and after being hurt and realizing who he is, I've forgiven him and he's shown me how much he really has changed and appreciates our relationship, however, it's not consistent. I've found that he goes on grindr and scruff, which were the ways I found that he was meeting other guys, now feels no need to tell me why he is may or may not be on there or doesn't care if I do the same after I questioned him about it and we both got tested which I thought was to prove we can trust each other and are safe. He has shown more and more interest in having a 3 way or "open" relationship before which I have been open to as long as it's together... advise?

[dfiant1]

I personally wouldn't be comfortable in an open relationship as I believe in monogamy and I would not compromise myself or my beliefs for anyone, so I would leave him.

You have to do what is right for you and what feels comfortable for you. If the idea of an open relationship and 3 ways appeals to you, go for it. If it doesn't, then there are plenty of guys that hold the same beliefs in what a relationship is that you have, you just haven't met him yet

[jimcrackcorn]

With HIV/AIDS so prevalent in the gay community, why would any gay couple consider being in an "open Relationship" or having three-ways.

If your partner is hooking-up with strangers on Grindr & Scruf,,,,then coming home and having sex with you - he's taking chances with his health & yours.

Grindr & Scruf give new meaning to the phrase "I Love You To Death"

Stay safe.
Sincerely,
Jim

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Loving?

Hmm. So being his bitch and taking his crap time and time again is an act of love?

I'm sorry, if he disrespects you to the point where he totally ignores your needs, that ain't love - well its self love, but not real love.

He is making you his bitch. He clearly feels he doesn't owe you an explanation, doesn't feel that he needs to tell you about his affairs, and the way he goes about it clearly states he is exercising his will and mind to manipulate the situation to his favor.

That ain't love. This is a form of abuse - he is abusing you - he is using you, he has you wrapped around his finger and is causing you to do his bidding. This is NOT love.

So you are willing to lower your expectations and do things you are not really fond of. So if he wanted to rob a bank would you join in? How about commit one minor murder?

Where is the hard, immutable line drawn? At what point do you say 'no' and refuse to play his games?

Yes I know, compromise is an act of love and giving in to your partner on a lot of stuff is because of love - but compromise is not one person giving up everything while the other takes. It is sick - I know sick because you see I am very far from a well woman - which is to say I am a very, very sick man.



Test of time - My last relationship ended after 14 years - not because it was a loving relationship, but because I allowed way too much to slide. I turned a blind eye to the evidence, I compromised on very nearly every single issue that arose in those 14 years.

A year after that relationship ended I am unhappy, and most displeased about a lot of crap that went on. And I'm still suffering his crap because we got so tangled in those 14 years separating has been a minefield of horrors and more compromises which clearly isn't going to end well for me. Oh this is going swimmingly for him, he still gets the best of both worlds - he still has my roof over his head, still eats my food, and now gets to indiscriminately hook-up and have lots of fun and doesn't even bother to even try to hide it.

I told you I'm not a well man....

Time is not a test - I know of many LTR's that lasted for well over a decade that have ended over LESS than what your current BF is doing to you. Time isn't always an indicator of healthy relationships, in fact time can often me the indicator of just how emotionally/mentally unhealthy we really are.

For the love of God please don't be me - OK?

Honestly, don't go there. Its not a happy place and you will end up being in your late 40's looking back at a decade or more of your life wondering why you were so stupid, so needful so whatever that you put up with an untenable situation, or compromised so much you lost yourself and most importantly lost your self respect.