How to achieve inner piece and loose the life long depression

[Zet]

I need help... but I'm to afraid of reaching out... I just don't know. I just feel so bad. I have not writen to anyone or spoke to anyone about it because I don't want to feel like such a freaking naggy bítch that I am... Unable to get past obstacles and move forward. I don't want any empathy, sympathy or whatever... I just want inner peace. It just feels like the longer the time goes by, the more it accelerates too... Latelly I've just felt so incredebly alone and insignificant... Like if I died to night no one would care and everything in my life would be trown in vein, and how meaning less my life, and life it self is. Perhaps a part of it is being homesick, but now when I'm home I still feel the same, there is just so much more behind it. I've never been an frustrated or a bitter person, perhaps nervous and depressed, but lately I've just felt so... I don't know. I just burned some pasta today and it rreally bugged the crap out of me and so I went to shower, because I planed to shower afterwards... well I ended up sitting in the shower for 40-50 minuter just letting the water pooring down on me, breathing heavily. And this is not the only time this has happened to me, during the past 6 monthes have I gotten many panic attacks. I dont' want any help, I just want to be able to help my self, to be independant, but I just can't... It's hard to describe... I'm just afraid of open up, to talk about what bothers me, and to reveal my true self and to leave my self vurnerable and to get hurt. I just don't know what to do.

[mbennet35]

First of all

Second you are an important part of this community and if you died we would all miss you so much. You know you can PM me anytime. Don't feel like you would ever bother me or burden me. I am here to be a friend who listens.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Abraham Lincoln was full of melancholia, huge bouts of self doubt and pretty much thought what you think about himself.

It turns out he was wrong about himself.

I suspect you are wrong about yourself as well.

When I get myself into my 'I'm so useless no one will miss me, my life didn't matter' stage I sit there and make a mental list of all the people I have met and then try to imagine what their life would be like if I hadn't been there.

I don't like the alternative scenarios where this thought experiment takes me in a lot of those imagined lives.

Your life impacts others. IF all you ever did in life was write that message at the top there - I assure you someone read it and their life was changed.

No it may not ever evolved into infamy, nor may you have a chapter in the history books nor even a footnote. But you do have an impact and that ripples out from you to impact people you will never meet, never know.

Those you directly impact carry the experience with them - and then pass it on others - perhaps they don't drop your name and state exactly what you did... there is still an effect.

[Sylph]

[COLOR="Purple"]Zetty, you know I love you babe. Seriously.

All our talks of Music, your interest in the Sitar, our mutual beliefs in peace.

Boy, if we was any closer I would've already had your children like five minutes ago -.-

but seriously, Zetty, opening up and being vulnerable is scary, heck I get scared all the time and so do a good majority of these queers here too, but it's also good too, because it allows you to breath, to relate, just everything Zetty-kins.

The problem a lot of people have now a days is being so sheltered all the time and I find just throwing all my self to the wind is so stress relieving and self affirming,

I really am a crazy gurl in real life xD

However Zetty, I want you to know that your Gurlfriend is here okey?

I get wanting to help yourself and what not, but sometimes boo boos, you gotta let someone in to let yourself in. You aren't always the solutions to your own problems, as much as you want to be.

Come here you lump of Swedes you


You matter to this queer and you had better stay here with me![/COLOR]
:hugs-and-kisses-smi

[Slidezone303]

Can you watch every movement of your loneliness as though it were a flower that is blossoming. Just sit still and watch it, without identifying it with yourself or trying to get rid of it. Watch it like you would a thunder cloud that is passing by.

BTW there are beautiful burnt pots. I once dropped a favorite tea cup...but Oh the beautiful pieces!

If it seems too tough to handle maybe you might find a peer counselor or inexpensive therapists who can sit down with you and just listen. Is there that one trusted friend with whom you can share...trusted...

[Waylon777]

It's awesome that you opened up enough to talk to us here! It's a good first step!
I've been there before too. It's not pleasant.
Try finding people that may care about you more than you know! Someone like, people here in GS! You can PM as well any time if you feel like talking about it. One thing I noticed about this is that you always nice to have someone listen to your feelings. It lifts up some of the weight, so don't hesitate on anyone! (especially me! HA!) XD Also, go to more social events, and meet people! About feeling insignificant, I think we are all insignificant compared to the rest of the universe, but I don't really care. No matter how big you are, what you do in your life still matters to you, and that counts more than anything!

[LONDONER]

I need help... but I'm to afraid of reaching out... I just don't know. I just feel so bad. I have not writen to anyone or spoke to anyone about it because I don't want to feel like such a freaking naggy bítch that I am... Unable to get past obstacles and move forward. I don't want any empathy, sympathy or whatever... I just want inner peace. It just feels like the longer the time goes by, the more it accelerates too... Latelly I've just felt so incredebly alone and insignificant... Like if I died to night no one would care and everything in my life would be trown in vein, and how meaning less my life, and life it self is. Perhaps a part of it is being homesick, but now when I'm home I still feel the same, there is just so much more behind it. I've never been an frustrated or a bitter person, perhaps nervous and depressed, but lately I've just felt so... I don't know. I just burned some pasta today and it rreally bugged the crap out of me and so I went to shower, because I planed to shower afterwards... well I ended up sitting in the shower for 40-50 minuter just letting the water pooring down on me, breathing heavily. And this is not the only time this has happened to me, during the past 6 monthes have I gotten many panic attacks. I dont' want any help, I just want to be able to help my self, to be independant, but I just can't... It's hard to describe... I'm just afraid of open up, to talk about what bothers me, and to reveal my true self and to leave my self vurnerable and to get hurt. I just don't know what to do.

Sorry, I don't mean to be critical but I've just noticed your headline.

Apologies in advance. I don't mean to be critical but I have just noticed your headline;: [I]" How to achieve inner piece and loose the life long depression[/I]" The rest of your message seems to be correctly written apart from a few typing mistakes but your headline does not make sense.

I presume you mean "How to achieve peace and lose the life long depression."

These is a big difference between "piece" and "peace" and as far as "loose" is concerned, remember "If you don't tie that loose shoelace you will lose your shoe"

[cardiganwearer]

Sorry, I don't mean to be critical but I've just noticed your headline.

Shame you didn't notice what was underneath it.

I'm sure Zet's cry for help reflected nothing more than a yearning to improve his English.

[zeon]

Hello,
By the sounds of it some of this is restlessness and unsure on direction of life.. I think the best thing to do would be to jot down everything that is bugging you and then think inside how you plan to tackle everything.. Just giving time can help and maybe opening up for some guidance is the way forward as reality experience with others can be more useful than virtual information

[Zet]

Sorry, I don't mean to be critical but I've just noticed your headline.

Apologies in advance. I don't mean to be critical but I have just noticed your headline;: [I]" How to achieve inner piece and loose the life long depression[/I]" The rest of your message seems to be correctly written apart from a few typing mistakes but your headline does not make sense.

I presume you mean "How to achieve peace and lose the life long depression."

These is a big difference between "piece" and "peace" and as far as "loose" is concerned, remember "If you don't tie that loose shoelace you will lose your shoe"

Hah trust me I do the same thing with my mothers tongue... The only subiect that I managed to fail in high school actually was Swedish xD, because I mix things up and I can't get structure in a text xD I'm sure I'll never be a writer.

Apart from that one... Problem with writing these things is... I have no idea what to respond to them xD Thank everyone for their support anyhow.

Well... Going to social "events" is mostly non essential, I live in a remote little village in the far lapland of Sweden, with less than 2000 peps in the municipality, and over a 2 hour drive to the closest real city. I'll post more in another post sorry. I don't feel so much to write atm.