A Riddle!

[Wade]

A variation on "if a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound?"

...

If a person is attracted to the same gender, but no one will (or has) touch(ed) him/her, can he/she actually be considered gay?


For context and an explanation as to why I'm asking, I'll say this: The first person I ever came out to was a gay friend when I was 18... more of an acquaintance really. After I said I told him I was gay he asked me "so have you ever done anything with a guy?" I said no. He then said "so then... you don't really know." That really fucked me up for a long time. I could have sworn I only get aroused thinking of fellas. I've since reached my own conclusion, but I'm curious what people think... and I'm bored.

Also... topic #2

I listened to a podcast with gay sex columnist and "It Gets Better" campaign creator Dan Savage, and he believes that if you are gay, and adult, are in no potential danger for being gay and are still in the closet, then you are a coward and are contributing to the homophobic culture.

What do you folks think?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

So your telling me that no one who claims to be straight who has never had sex is therefore automatically gay until they demonstrate otherwise?

Hmmm?

Dan Savage is a moron....

[partis]

i never had the problem but if you tell me your gay (or bi) and you like guys then i believe you, its the "straights" that make me lift a brow

no i dont think you influence homophobic culture if your in the closet, you may not be doing nothing to prevent it, thats all.

[wxmroy]

dont worry dont over analise just be your self and dont rush into things when your ready you will know good luck xxx roy

[dfiant1]

I just think the whole 'How can you know you are gay if you haven't had sex' thing is a wolf in sheep’s clothing, meaning it's like saying 'I'm not homophobic, but I think being gay is wrong and it's a choice.', it's born of sheer ignorance.

If that is a theory then religion is pretty fucked up then, abstinence before marriage and stuff...how can all those hetero's be sure they are straight before they have sex after they get married? lol

[Sylph]

So basically

Everyone, male and female, just need to flop over something and get fucked or fuck the flopee and then they'd know... if we was going by that "How do you know if..." rule anyway.

Divinity forbid I am actually attracted to someone of the same sex romantically before I am sexually -.-

People pretend to be all prim and proper and stuff and not talk about dicks and pussy and stuff, but let's face it, that's what everyone seems to be thinking about and just don't wanna be seen as fuck happy animals -.-

"How do you know if..." questions, is basically another way of asking "What is it like...?" to me.

Like who cares?

[Geminize]

Good questions, Waden.

Topic #1
Your friend was just plain silly. Sexual orientation isn't based on your experience, but on your attractions and desires. There are straight and gay folk who remain celibate their whole lives, and they are still straight or gay. (Just don't ask me how they do it!)

Topic #2
Dan Savage is a hero, but I disagree with him on this one. Ideally yes, anyone not put in danger by coming out would do so. In reality there are many complex reasons why that is not easy for everyone. Family, religious, and social pressures are a part of who we are. Coming out can be a liberating event (it was for me), but I hold no judgement against those who are not ready to take that leap.

[southbiochem]

A variation on "if a tree falls in a forest, does it make a sound?"

If a person is attracted to the same gender, but no one will (or has) touch(ed) him/her, can he/she actually be considered gay?

Also... topic #2

I listened to a podcast with gay sex columnist and "It Gets Better" campaign creator Dan Savage, and he believes that if you are gay, and adult, are in no potential danger for being gay and are still in the closet, then you are a coward and are contributing to the homophobic culture.

What do you folks think?

I can't really approach this from anywhere else than my own personal experience...it maybe different for others..

Topic one....I have never been with a guy nor a girl and by that I mean I have never even kissed anyone...

pausing for all of those who will say "pathetic"...it is, I know..

now that you've been shocked enough, I'm still 100% certain I'm gay...male bodies turn me on...male contact drives me crazy...emotional attachmets, crushes, whatever have always been towards males...

it has been this way since the first time I liked a person when I was 13...and it was a guy..


Topic two....

My personal apologies Dan Savage...

Forgive me for being such a coward, pardon my life for not doing something that is scary and mind-wrecking for me, even if by doing it I would cease to be getting destroyed one bit at a time..

Seriously, I'm on my knees beggin your forgiveness: I didn't know I was responsible for other peoples behavior, I didn't know I gave birth, raised and molded all the homophobes in the world...I was unaware that I wrote muslim laws that legalize execution of my fellow homosexuals....

I rarely do this but, Mr. Savage you have manage to make me cry in remiding me the peace of s*** of a person I am, something I already knew, thanks.


.....pause to compose myself a bit....


Wade: Thanks for sharing this! mile:

[Wade]

@SouthBioChem -

Concerning your comments about topic #1 - I can relate to everything you wrote completely. I've only kissed one person (a lady girl) and it was for a play. It was awkward and largely humiliating for me (she had to be properly inebriated to get through it). I've never had someone kiss me who actually wanted to kiss me... so...

The pathetic party: table for two it is.

I also no longer wonder whether I'm really gay. My "friend" was an idiot (as he proved again and again) and was one of the most promiscuous and shallow people I've ever met. I have nothing against promiscuity btw, but this particular fellow had a warped sense of meaningful human relationships, as indicated by his needing physical conformation of his sexuality.

Topic #2 -

Fuck Dan Savage too. I hesitated even mentioning that thing here because I was concerned that it might elicit a response like yours. You don't have a responsibility to the collective. Your life is your own, no one else's.

The only thing Dan Savage has going for him is his confidence. People who never stop to wonder about the validity or effects of their own words and actions tend to be very successful in life. Life is a hell of a lot easier if you're able to convince yourself that everything you say is right and that your word should be taken as gospel. These types of people tend to attract an audience (e.g. Bill O'Reilly) because people want most to be led and they don't want to think for themselves, and who better to lead than someone who doesn't waste time thinking?

[Lilitu]

I think that comes from the hetero-normative attitude that remains in many places even when acceptance of homosexuality is widespread.

It's a logically faulty thing to say... because it really doesn't mean anything, apart from saying that all people are sexually confused until they have sex.