My boyfriend came out and...

[Woollyhats]

So my boyfriend came out to his parents last night.

I guess the conversation with them basically went like this after the "YOU AREN'T DATING YOUR FRIEND" and the whole "Uhm actually yeah" bit...

They first wanted to know if he'd had sex. He said no, he doesn't want to have sex until married.

Then they wanted to know if he was suddenly an atheist. He said no.

Then they wanted to know if this meant he wasn't going to be involved in his church. He said no.

Then they wanted to know if this meant he wasn't having kids. He said no; adoption.

Then they wanted to know if it was a phase. He said no, although this was complicated because he is bi. They said they respected his choices, and refused to believe that being gay is a choice for anyone. Whatever.

Then they asked if he liked his other friends that are gay. He said no.

AFTER ALL OF THE NOs, they told him that they still loved him, and that I was welcome at their house (although handholding etc. isn't allowed), but they also said he had broken their hearts.

So yeah, I guess I'm obligated to visit them now but I'm pretty sure they want me to die.

Anyway, is this basically a normal response? What do I expect? What should he expect? I've talked to some of my friends already, but I have very few gay friends, so I thought I'd come and talk here to people that might understand or have gone through this personally.

[jimcrackcorn]

The parents did a pretty good job of accepting their son is gay. As time passes, they will become more comfortable with the situation.

They will undoubtedly have more questions to ask their son, and may ask you a few questions too... So be ready for them.

[justbry87]

I'm glad it went relatively well.. :]

It seems that it always takes awhile for parents to accept and realize
that their kid is LGBT .

When I came out to my mom, even though she accepted it and everything,
it still took awhile for us to be comfortable around each other and how much
gay she can handle.

But years have passed and recently on vacation my mom asked me if I had
sex before. And I hate lying to my mom so I pretty much said yes, and the
whole, who, what, where, and how questions came up, but it we both ended
up laughing.

good luck though..~

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Denial, Bargaining, Anger, Depression, then acceptance.

This applies here as with any other thing. They are step ahead based on what you said. They are trying to accept it.

[Woollyhats]

*
Update, they had the "sex talk", and I guess his parents were impressed that I don't want to have sex until we get married/have been together for a very extended period of time. Which was a lucky break because it made them less cold towards everything.

Then they said they were going to talk to their pastor together, and if he doesn't like it his whole family is leaving their church.

They also gave relationship advice, and cried a lot. Like apparently there were tears and hugging everywhere. For some reason I feel like they don't like it and don't approve, but are trying really really hard.

I am happy now.

But worried about the fabled family dinner.

[dfiant1]

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't feel 'obligated' to visit them, if you want to be there and you are comfortable being there, then so be it.

If you aren't comfortable, I think you have to have that chat with your BF, but having said that I think in time their attitudes will change and eventually you will be made to feel welcome and comfortable in their home.

Its a huge change for some people to find out their child is gay and accepting it is just a process they will go through.

[Lilitu]

I think this is one of those things where they keep asking questions, eventually the uncomfortableness goes away and it becomes kind of just friendly but still feels like meeting a new person, and eventually completely come to terms with it.

[Geminize]

Kumawool, this is great! I know it's awkward and uncomfortable, but it sounds like his parents are really fantastic (except for the breaking their hearts part). If they are willing to be present with him and you through their tears, you are lucky. It's amazing they are willing to leave their church if their pastor can't deal.

They are putting their love for their son above their fears, and that is wonderful!

[yoyoyo148]

Don't you feel ashamed to go to his house or whatever. I'm guessing that even tho it's amazing they accepted him, they aren't that open-minded and knowledgeable about this kind of stuff cuz they said that he broke their hearts. Don't feel ashamed of being seen together cuz when they see their kid happy, in a relationship it'll automatically make them happy, doesn't matter if you're both guys. They'll be more comfortable around you the same way you will and they will realize that love is love man. congratulations btw! great that he got it all out and now he can be himself.

[joshkhude]

This is tricky. Coming out is difficult no matter who you are and how your family feels.
Consider your boyfriend lucky; a friend of mine was raised Mormon and was swiftly excommunicated from his whole city after coming out.
Personally, my mother took it just fine but for some reason dads seem to have a harder time (which was the case in my situation as well).
The best advice I can give is just take it easy. You and your boyfriend should take it slow and give his parents time to adjust. Don't push it with them.. They will come around eventually. It's a great sign they want to have you around. They want to get comfortable with the whole idea of this and that is a huge step. I would take the opportunity to spend time with your bfs family. They are looking for reassurance that this isn't going to turn their lives upside down. You have to remember that they are scared, too.
I am so excited for you two.. You are both very brave. You can and will get through this and let me tell you it is much brighter outside the closet my friend.
I wish you both the best.