What can I do if my parents don't like my boyfriend and think he's a criminal?

[Jovial]

You and your boyfriend sound like an amazing couple. Some people go through their entire lives without finding love, some never get the chance. Don’t waste it.

[mbennet35]

Honestly my parents will never like any of my boyfriends. Since they will never accept that I am gay but I try not to let it bother me. If I ever get a boyfriend I won't be able to come home on holidays or anything like that.

[Arkansota]

So I’ve really big trouble with my parents. My parents know I'm gay and they have no problem with it, but they have some kind of problem with my boyfriend. I won't say I come from a wealthy family, but I've never lacked anything in my life. Then I met a wonderful guy, we're dating for a year. He comes from a totally different society and although he cannot give me much of a material things, it is so outweighed by all the love, time and attention I receive from him. I guess my parents don't realize that people are different and they look at him as if he would be some drunk and dirty homeless.

The other thing is his family. He doesn’t really have a family. His father is in prison for killing his mother and his grandparents, who brought him up, died a few years ago. He doesn’t have brothers or sisters, so he’s totally alone. Well, now he has me. Actually I regret introducing him to my parents. I really thought they would understand, but instead they started to talk something about bad blood and being a criminal. They also don’t like that he doesn’t have high education. Yes, he hasn’t studied in university, but that doesn’t mean he’s a fool. On the contrary.

I cannot even take him to my house. Unfortunately I'm still living with my parents. As they see him, my parents become extremely impolite and cold. My mother even told to me to look after him so that he doesn’t steal anything. I don’t understand this attitude. All his life he has fought in order to survive and now he’s also working hard to support himself and also me a bit. Sometimes we think that I might move in with him, but the problem is that right now he can only afford to rent a room and there won't be enough place for both of us.

He sees that my parents don’t like him and he keeps asking me why and what can I say him? I love him so much, but my parents are bugging me everyday to break up with him and choose some other guy. Why are they doing this?

It's time to move in with him. Your parents are harrassing you guys and you need to make a move at this point.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Honestly my parents will never like any of my boyfriends. Since they will never accept that I am gay but I try not to let it bother me. If I ever get a boyfriend I won't be able to come home on holidays or anything like that.

Thats really sad to hear in this day and age. Are you out to them?

It took me a year before my partner met my kids, and it was 2 years before he actually met my side of the family. Not through choice, just they there 400 miles away and there never seemed to be the right time. He came to my mom's wedding though



ObW
X

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Honestly my parents will never like any of my boyfriends. Since they will never accept that I am gay but I try not to let it bother me. If I ever get a boyfriend I won't be able to come home on holidays or anything like that.

Grrr. That really grinds my gears....

I'm sorry meebles. But understand you don't NEED your parents to be happy in life. Trust me on that.

[yoyoyo148]

People who've got big issues like your boyfriend mostly turn out to be aggressive and violent, they keep their problems to themselves. But it's a good thing that your boyfriend didn't. He stole something tho, your heart. He's only got you so hold on to him very tight. He's willing to accept any kind of support and love. Your parents just need to get to know him better. You could talk to them(which I assume you already did but..) or you could just let the time guide them. And the way they think is like saying someone's so good loking but they're assholes or someone's overweight but they are beautiful on the inside, without even knowing them, just stereotyping.. They will eventually realize that he loves you as well and there's no harm in him. The only thing you can do now is to love him even more make him feel it he needs and deserves it. Just focus on that, you guys will find a way to make other things..work.

[Tulloni]

I would point out to your parents that people aren't always the sum of their background. There are many people who come from typical bourgeois backgrounds who can turn out to be psychotic, criminals. I mean look at The Enron guys and other corporate crooks. Despite what some may say their extremely selfish philosophies and greed completely destroyed people's lives when thousands upon thousands of job losses took place. Who knows what happened to the folk after they got laid off?

And look at some serial killers. Some of them come from functional, wealthy families. In the UK we had a family doctor called Harold Shipman who murdered about 200 elderly people over 3 decades. He was a respectable family doctor. Just because someone is poor or had a traumatic background doesn't mean they'll turn out to be disturbed or commit crimes. If the guy himself is kind, considerate and law abiding them what's wrong with going out with him?

I would try and get independent from them. If you've got work just rent a room in a shared house or something if you can't stay with him. Hopefully your housemates will be more accepting and accomodating.

[James]

The only other issue I can think of from the many answers I have read, do your parents believe this is a reflection on them to be associated with a family with his background? It maybe more about them than about you, James

[Anonymous]

Thank you, guys, I knew that you would be accepting. I could probably understand that this was normal parental reaction if he would be my first boyfriend, but he's not. I've had one guy before him and my parents were welcoming. Then we broke up and I was alone for quite a long time and then I met him and my parents' reaction is totally different.

My mother is slightly more negative than my father. She keeps repeating every day that she only wants the best for me and that he's no good to me and definitely has his father's genes. My father in convinced that only total losers don't have highest education and my mother says that he's just trying to get my trust in order to rob me and get away with it. Even when I said to her that if he would want to rob me, he's had hundreds of chances to do it, why hasn't he done it yet then? She was like "he's just waiting for the right moment". Both of my parents made it very clear to me that they don't want to see him in their house ever again.

And what hurts me the most is that my boyfriend is hurt. He wants to have good and warm relationship with my family. Of course, I don't tell him what my parents say about him, although once he asked me is it because of the different sizes of our wallets.

[Vigilias]

Here's another idea...

Try telling your parents how much you love him and that you also love them, and that you don't want to have to choose.

Tell them your boyfriend loves you too and that he's not going to do anything to intentionally hurt you... maybe it would sound better coming from him!