Im a twenty-three year old gay guy and have started seeing an amazing guy. We had sex for the first time the other night and I found it hard to actually get it up. It was my first time to ever have sex with a guy and I had an erection but it wasn't rock hard as we had some trouble actually getting it inside. We did however manage to get it in for a while however I kept slipping out ... As the night progressed I did improve somewhat and managed a good rhythm to which my boyfriend said he really enjoyed.
My boyfriend said he really enjoyed the experience and he was still getting feelings down below the next day... On reflection I feel a bit disappointed in myself that i couldn't go for a long time. My boyfriend was lovely about it and said practice makes perfect and that the anxiety of it being my first time could have played a part. He has told me not to worry as I am very new to sex and he is very patient. He has even suggested different options for sex such as more foreplay, using toys and me bottoming to get a sense of it which I would actually like to try. :-)
In general however my erections have never really been rock hard, I do get erections but not powerful ones. I have even contemplated not masturbating as much as I have heard this can affect things.Im a bit new to this and clueless, can anybody help?
Yes cutting down masturbating would be a good idea, may i ask.... do you find it easier to get harder in your own fantasies? What your partner said is right, some foreplay, some gentle touch, some titillating, sometimes the softest touch can have more the desired effect. Your willy is very sensitive.
for young people erectile disfunction is mostly about stress..
I guess the anxiety over the "first time" had a lot to do with it.
You have an amazing guy and a very understanding one, so you can always expect to be comfortable arround him, and he will help you do that..
try the sex thing further, eventually you'll become more comfortable with your partner
now, if the problem persists you should see a physician..specially if your erections have been always like this...maybe there's some pysiological issue to be adressed
When you have sex I think, laying off the masturbation maybe a good idea, but coming from personal experience...
I'm 26 and never have my erections been affected by masturbation....quite in fact I often have problem "calming down"..they tend to stick with me for a while..ugh..
(I'm not trying to brag, just saying that masturbation may not be the problem)
Anyway, good luck, again, you have an amazing guy who can help you with all of this..embrace the chance
It most definitely could be stress and anxiety related,
as you do lack sexual experience,
but be careful NOT to rule out underlying medical conditions!!!
You said you've never been able to hold a strong erection...
Are you overweight?
If so, and that's the cause of your problem,
it could be very serious, health-wise!
Blood circulation problems can be life or death situation.
As embarrassing as it may be,
tell your Dr. AS SOON AS POSSIBLE!
They can run some tests to figure what the culprit is.
Performance Anxiety - it fails once and your afraid of it failing twice, you worry about it failing and the worry causes your erection to fail. So you worry some more and before you know it you're in a psychological feed-back loop.
As well as that, don't fall in to the trap of thinking that real life is just like porn! These movies can sometimes take all day to make.
Drugs: Are you using any prescribed, over the counter or illicit/illegal drugs/medications? Drugs which slow down the central nervous system such as Opiates, Opioids, Barbiturates and Benzodiazapines can inhibit and prevent a strong erection. On the other hand, should you be taking some medication that you're not?
Have you had your blood pressure checked lately? And what about stress and anxiety in general? These are all things to consider.
If by any chance you're thinking of using something like Viagra, for gawds sake don't use it with Poppers! Both are designed to open up the blood vessels and reduce blood pressure, using both at the same time could make you faint.
At 23 years old the most likely cause is performance anxiety. The more used you become to your partner and he to you the less this should happen. But you need to stop stressing about it before it becomes a regular problem.
Try a few of the suggestions from the others too, see if that sorts it out.
If you're a smoker, lay off the cigarettes as they too can lower your libido and sexual prowess. I'm sure your boyfriend had a good time nonetheless. It doesn't have to be rock hard to be enjoyable.
I think it was probably a stress related erectile dysfuntion. It'll get better as you get used to each other's intimacy.
As an aside to anyone reading this thread. Smoking does lower sexual prowess and the ability to remain hard.
The old slogan was: "The more you smoke, the less you poke."
This is how it works: ingesting nicotine & carbon monoxyde restricts the blood vessels. They close up. If you want to watch how that works, look at thermal pictures of what happens to the veins and arteries after ingestion of cigarette smoke, and then you'll understand that by undermining the blood flow to the nether regions, you're working against your libido. That's also why smokers often feel cold. The blood flow is not going to their limbs to warm them up as well. The drop in body temperature can be up to 5 degrees.
I wouldn't say I am overweight and my blood pressure is fine along with health. Considering today I was in the bath and I got very excited I think there is no problem with the plumbing as such. I think it may be performance anxiety. Like I said once we got going it was pretty amazing and my boyfriend said he enjoyed it a lot. He commented on the fact that when i was relaxed my hard on was much harder and when it came to it, it softened up. He said hes very patient and that as I am new to this he wants to help.
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