My family are assholes

[nfisher1226]

Well, not all of them. But I'm still fuming from Thanksgiving.

This is a rant.

My daughter and I spent the night at my brother's house out in the countryside on Wednesday, helping him and his wife to get ready for the rest of the family on Thanksgiving day. It's an awesome and relaxed place. Log home with a woodburner in the basement and a big fireplace in the living room.

My brother and I mostly get along, but I'm not "out" with him at all. He's gotten more and more conservative as he's gotten older. He's a gun nut. I'm not even kidding about that - he stockpiles ammo, too. A hunter, and in almost every way a "manly man". But hey, he's my brother. I still try to get along even when absolute shit is coming out of his mouth.

So Thanksgiving morning my brother and I are up early, before everybody else. We spent a half hour watching deer out his kitchen window with binoculars, drinking coffee and just chatting. It was peaceful and content. His wife and my daughter got up a little later and tuned into the Macy's parade.

Well all hell broke loose when the cast of "Kinky Boots" performed. Every last bit of gay bashing bullshit spilled out of my brother's mouth for the next hour. My daughter is 14, know's I'm gay and has met my boyfriend. She was visibly upset. I did make it known that I wasn't pleased about what he was saying, and was even less pleased that it was being said in front of my daughter. His wife was pissed off at him too. I almost left, but still wanted to see the rest of my family.

Well people started showing up around dinnertime and I was back in a good mood, just enjoying seeing everybody. We had almost every cousin, uncle, and aunt on my dad's side there. Four generations worth. It was going well.

After dinner there were a few of us having some light conversation over coffee and desserts. My brother, his wife, my uncle and two aunts, and my daughter was next to me. One of my aunts has a husband who we all have thought was a closeted gay or bisexual for years actually, and just at that moment he was braiding one of the girls' hair over by the TV. That was when my brother mentioned how disgusted he was with the Macy's parade again. My aunt, who is in almost every way one of the sweetest people walking the earth, started talking about how it was obvious that Satan was working hard in the world. While her flamboyant husband was practicing his amateur hairdressing no less. My daughter almost choked.

That wasn't all, either. After the meal was over and the older family started leaving those of us who were left started to pitch in with the cleanup. Well, most of us. My daughter and my brother's daughter were the only kids who helped without complaining. My causin's daughter just laid on the couch complaining and asking if they could go. My other cousin's son just continued to sit in the corner playing grand theft auto on his laptop like he'd been doing all day already. Another cousin's husband dropped a full 2-liter of soda in the kitchen and just stared at it while it sprayed everywhere.

Anyway, rant over. I had a talk with my kid about the reasons we keep our distance from the family sometimes. She gets it. I'm proud of her for the way she behaved. Wish the rest of them were as pleasant to be around.

[southbiochem]

Most regretably, you can't choose your family..

but you are in a good place with yourself and in your life, so

they can't possibly have any power to bring you down

do like I do...stick with formalites, put on a fake smile, and then enjoy the rest of the days of the year which are not Holidays (which are....MAAAAAANY), when you don't have to put up with them mile:

[nfisher1226]

Which is about what I do. But thanks for the encouragement.

[Woollyhats]

I'm not sure if I'd have been able to take that. I black out if I get angry enough, and I think that might have done it.

I probably would have been all #GAYBYTHEWAYYOURHUSBANDISAHAIRDRESSERBECAUSESATANDOESHAIRNOW and left.

By the way, just so you know, your daughter is probably going to grow up to be one of the people that directly challenge homophobia. It very much seems like she wanted to right there.

[MisterLove]

Believe me, my family is much worse. My mother is a diagnosed schizophrenic, my father is a homophobe that only cares about money and my sister in law is a cunt.

[nfisher1226]

By the way, just so you know, your daughter is probably going to grow up to be one of the people that directly challenge homophobia. It very much seems like she wanted to right there.

She does already and I'm proud of her for it. But we talked beforehand, and both knew things could be like this. In a way, I wanted her to see it with her own eyes since she just came back to me in April. She was just a little girl the last time she saw the family much. She had no idea what they could be like.

I'm biding my time until I have my life back the way I want it. I'm almost there. At that point I'll be a lot more vocal about who I am and what I think. I've already come out to a number of friends and my kids. Those are the people who matter more to me anyway. I don't lash out because I enjoy seeing my dad and a few of my cousins, and I don't want to spend a holiday arguing and making everybody even more uncomfortable. It wasn't the proper platform for soapboxing.

Part of the reason I don't respond is out of indifference. My extended family doesn't matter as much to me as my close friends and my children. The only time it really stings is when I look at the younger generations. I have two nieces who I dearly love and they're both being spoon fed intolerance. I expect that someday they are going to have to make some hard choices about what they believe and how they're going to act, so they can decide who is going to be in their lives and who isn't. Shame on their parents for doing that to them. They're just making their kids' lives harder down the road.

[nfisher1226]

@MisterLove - I know some people have it much worse. My best friend was abused most of his childhood. He was almost killed once by his stepmother. He somehow turned out relatively normal. I don't think I could have survived his childhood.

[Pix]

I've heard the murder rate goes up substantially during holidays and a cop asked why that was casually said something about "families getting together (and alcohol)."

I suspect I get along with my family so well because I'm over a thousand miles away from them and only rarely (as in years apart) meet them (or even talk to them via phone with the exception of a few).

Sheesh, when I was 4 my uncle killed my favorite cow and fed her to me (telling me after who'd I'd just eaten) to teach me cows are livestock, not pets. I wonder what Thanksgiving with them could be like these days now that I'm no longer the tender age of 4! ("Guess how we save on funeral costs AND the grocery bill? Wanna take part in the lotto to see if we can guess who gets served up next Thanksgiving?")

[princealbertofb]

nfisher, so sorry to hear how you had to go through all this. But I think you did well not to expose yourself. One day, in other circumstances, maybe, you'll be able to tell your brother everything that matters to you and how he's an asshole. However, maybe he's only saying all this ranty stuff because he thinks he doesn't know any gays on a real life level... He does, and maybe he'll "disown" you, or maybe he'll become wiser. One way or another, you might have to come out of that closet so he can't push you back in each time you see him. I think you'll have support from his wife, who seems much more worldly. Or maybe she knows a thing or two... Good luck when the truth does come out.
I'm happy to say that neither of my brothers have an issue with my being gay and even like my partner. But it's true, some people don't have it that easy.

[princealbertofb]

She does already and I'm proud of her for it. But we talked beforehand, and both knew things could be like this. In a way, I wanted her to see it with her own eyes since she just came back to me in April. She was just a little girl the last time she saw the family much. She had no idea what they could be like.

I'm biding my time until I have my life back the way I want it. I'm almost there. At that point I'll be a lot more vocal about who I am and what I think. I've already come out to a number of friends and my kids. Those are the people who matter more to me anyway. I don't lash out because I enjoy seeing my dad and a few of my cousins, and I don't want to spend a holiday arguing and making everybody even more uncomfortable. It wasn't the proper platform for soapboxing.

Part of the reason I don't respond is out of indifference. My extended family doesn't matter as much to me as my close friends and my children. The only time it really stings is when I look at the younger generations. I have two nieces who I dearly love and they're both being spoon fed intolerance. I expect that someday they are going to have to make some hard choices about what they believe and how they're going to act, so they can decide who is going to be in their lives and who isn't. Shame on their parents for doing that to them. They're just making their kids' lives harder down the road.

Unfortunately, some people aren't much enlightened. Let's hope that those kids' education will fill in where the parents left a gaping hole.