Reasons you're in the closet

[TimU]

If I'll come out nobody or most people surrounding me don't understand and stop talk to me. And I haven't strong reason for come out. How do that? Stay in the centre of city and just scream "I'm gaaay" or on each meeting with friends "Hi! I have a news for you, I'm gay"? And what's change after that? Exept new troubles? Feeling free yourself? Well, I'm feeling ok now, because I accept myself and able for dating, no problem about talking, chatting, having fun. And also it's conservative community issues and a lot of problems without end.

[Zet]

Because I've got horrible selfesteem and feel so uncomfortable being like this and I'm afraid of people turning their backs on be on such a shallow problem... Easiest to say most of the people (not family) whom I've kept dearest have backstabed me for selfish reasons

[nfisher1226]

IMHO, I think the later you come out, the more it will be difficult... :/

I disagree. The older I get, the more I just don't give a fuck about all of the other reasons people are giving.

My family can suck it.

My closest friends already know and don't seem to care.

I've lived through so much crap I'm not scared of people trying to harrass me or rough me up. I'm a survivor and will still be on my feet long after they're gone.

The rednecks in my town don't affect my self esteem.

People at work talk about everyone else all day anyway. May as well give them something to really talk about sometime.

Am I completely "out"? Hex no. A lot of my family don't know and nobody I currently work with. I'm not really excited about telling or not telling any of said people. I could care less. I just keep on living my life.

[oneofcuriousity]

im kinda sticking my head out the closet as im out to my close friends, my family and i attend the LGBT group at my college and im at the only gay bar every now and again. everyone else is none the wiser none of the friends im making in my coarse know as i don't want to spring them with some heavy personal stuff when we keep forgetting what are second names are.

i think i wouldn't mind people seeing me with a guy if i ever have one, i have been on a date and didn't care who saw me. so i think its my version of being out, im not posting on facebook im gay or making a youtube video or carrying a rainbow flag shouting 'i like guys'. so who ever in my life needs to know i will tell the, if they don't no point bring it up.

1. This a big one. I'm not even sure if what I'm feeling is real. For my whole life, I've loved girls, but once I decided to learn more about the LGBT community, I suddenly wanna look at pictures of guys and gay porn. I've never been interested before. Part of me thinks I've just gotten bored with porn with girls in it because I've seen it all and I want something different. But I'm also starting to notice guys in real life too. There's even a guy at my job who I think is pretty cute and tend to look his way whenever he walks by. But what if over time, I stop thinking this way? What if I actually try doing something with a guy and realize I don't like it? I dunno, but I don't wanna go telling everyone when I might not even be gay or bi.

i can so relate to your point. i liked girls and when i accepted i felt something for guys i started to notice them or allow myself to notice them. after a while and coming out to my friends i released girls slipped away from my thoughts a vision.

this scared the crap out of me that i had crushes on girls and kissed girls but that was gone at first i thought i was bi and my direction of desire might move back and fort. but it didn't, i was scared not because i released im gay that those emotions i had disappeared and this made me think was i creating my attraction to guys as i never had a girlfriend .

but it was the other way around for me i create my attraction to girls when i was around nine and i released i like guys not girls and didn't want to be bullied.
so part of the reason im not telling everyone in the world is because i need to straighten my mind out before i can feel happy.

also im not out to my relatives as im worried it could kill my grandfather if he found out, as he is a man from his age where he got in a mood when my cousin who is 21 moved in with her boyfriend who have bee together for 3 years and counting.
also the grandmother on my other side might demoted me from her list, as i hv her golden boy stats out of my cousins so i might be doped from that and be called "that one". she's a lovly women but the topic of gay people is never brought up as she doesn't want to talk about it.

[TonyAndonuts]

^Similarly I've also noticed that once I started looking at gay porn and pictures of guys, I haven't gone back to straight or lesbian porn yet...yet. I'm not sure what that means, but I don't know if I can say that I'm actually just strictly gay. It's kind of hard to ignore 20+ years of being attracted to girls. And it's not like I've realized all my attractions to girls were just me trying to convince myself I like them because of society's pressure, I do believe I really like girls. I was legitimately curious what girls looked like naked when I was young, once I knew I wanted to see more and more through porn and other means, and I always got butterflies around pretty girls. It's hard for me to say that was all fake. It actually feels easier to say my attraction to guys is fake. After all, I never thought of them that way until I became interested in the LGBT community and wanted to educate myself (unless I'm repressing some memories before that).

[EvenOlderButWiser]

My view is that being in or out is only relevant to other people.

Whats important is that you understand and accept your own sexuality and not worry about what everyone else thinks.

Once you accept who you are, you will be a much more confident person in your own right.

Im 50, Ive been out for 12 years and partnered for the last 10. Being in or out makes no difference as my sexual preference does not define who I am as a person.

For everyone who is out, congratulations. For those of you not out, don't feel pressured to come out. It doesn't make you any gayer!

ObW
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