Don't know what to do and how to survive this

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Hey there!
I'm 24 and I've been in a monogamous relationship for 4 years. I did like other guys, but I never did any hookups etc. I'm living with my partner (G.), but I've been feeling really tired of him for around a year.

A couple of months ago I met a guy (D.) and we were hanging out together just enjoying each other, communicating etc. We have both decided not to have a serious relationship.Just enjoying each other.

Around a year ago my friend asked me to describe a perfect guy. And I did a pretty precise description. Now I know it was D.

I didn't tell D. I was in a relationship. I was staying at him one night. After G. texted me I my hard-on fell. I perfomed a couple of fellatios (I'm great at) and we fell asleep.
I went home and I was sure D. would never message me again, but he messaged me the same day and we kept on chatting.

Next week G. found out some photos of D. and I told him it was just a hookup and D. doesn't mean anything. I don't know why I did this-Maybe I wasn't ready to hurt him.

Yesterday G. found out D.'s messages and messaged him from my phone. "I'm sorry. I have a boyfriend and I'm staying with him".
D wrote back "Are you ok? Seems like you're not ok"


I don't know what to do know. I feel horrible. D. is so perfect and the feeling that I'll never see him again is killing me.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

And what did you think was going to happen when you did the cheaters game?

I seriously doubt D is the perfect man. He is on the other side of the fence and everyone knows that the grass is always greener on the other side of that fence.

G has been betrayed and this is only the first strike in the coming war. This was his first reaction as as he thinks more on what he discovered rage, jelousy, anger, hurt, resentment and lots of other not so nice emotions are going to come into play and he most likely will press this further.

I'm sorry. You betrayed him and he is going to react to that betrayal. Humans don't do betrayal of trust well, if anything with the more time that passes the more hurt/angry/resentful, etc he is going to get.

All G knows at this time is that you have been texting this guy. Wait until he finds out you had sex with this guy.

And he will find out. your choice is not if he does or does not find out, your choice is from whom he learns of this and how and when he learns.

You can either remain silent and let this news come home from some other route, or you can sit him down and tell him yourself.

Its not going to end well, In either case. However it may (possibly, not guarantee) end better if the news of what actually happened comes from you before he learns or guesses or whatever.

You can't have both G and D - you need to make a choice, and it better be one based on real facts and not on that which you think you may have.

You better find out what it is that D wants - more sex only, a relationship - maybe now he doesn't want anything to do with you. Then you have G - what are you going to do tell him thanks for the past 4 years but he just ain't the one?

There is no easy way out. There is the liars way where you play games, manipulate, lie etc. Or there is painful honesty and accepting your fate.

The first isn't going to work out to be far, far more painful in the long wrong than the last.

Truth will hurt, but not as much and as long as lies, manipulations, and game playing.

Good luck.

[MisterTinkles]

Cheaters never win, they only fuck up things for everybody.


Cheaters are also never happy with what they have.

[dfiant1]

Cheaters never win, the only fuck up things for everybody.

I concur.

Things have been fucked up for both your partner and the guy you are cheating with...but as always the people who lie their way into relationships will then lie their way out of them...have fun with that.

[Dreamer]

From a non-judgmental viewpoint,
given everything you've written on this thread,
I'd say it's time for you to break up with G,
and to move on with D.


Simple as that!


G is tired old news, according to you,
and you're ready for something fresh, new, and exciting.


It's what you want,
so just do it!


Don't half-ass it by sneaking around cheating,
and breaking hearts along the way,
go for it all the way by breaking up with G to get to D!

[Undreamt]

Things always become worse the less you talk about them.

Try talk to both of them see what they want.

[southbiochem]

So, you cheated...I'll get pass the obvious scolding you should get...

ok, so, if your not happy with G, than it's time to let him go, as you have already cause damage...in the end if you keep being tired of him you're just going to do it again..you won't be happy and G wont' be happy.

Do the healthy thing and be honest with him...after that you can try and see what come up with this D guy

[Undreamt]

Also why does everyone immediately think that its cheating?

Sounds more like an open relationship that has become complicated.

If he was physically cheating then do you think he would have told his bf that it was just a hookup? Do you think that the bf might have reacted a bit stronger than just txting the other guy saying that he had a bf?

[Evan88]

Dont make things worse..

If you like D so much then let G be free.. Its still not justifiable that you got tired already with G to cheat.

Maybe you didnt see it coming so i understand you.

but make things right for the 3 of you because if you were in the shoes of D, you will not Like it

[Ryocchi]

Also why does everyone immediately think that its cheating?

Sounds more like an open relationship that has become complicated.

If he was physically cheating then do you think he would have told his bf that it was just a hookup? Do you think that the bf might have reacted a bit stronger than just txting the other guy saying that he had a bf?

Are you seriously going there? first if it was an open relationship, the poster shouldn't have lied to anyone, he lied to D and he lied to G, yet he told D he was single, when the fellatio occurred he wouldn't have felt that bad and the message G sent D doesn't give any vibe of an open relationship.

And the first thing EVERY cheater tell his partner is "It was just a hook up! nothing serious" followed by "I will never se him again."