Tips on getting over a break-up

[Edward]

I'm having hard time right now. Few weeks ago my boyfriend and me, we broke up and I feel very bad. He was very important to me and actually he still is, but our relationship never really worked out. I tried to save it and I guess he did too, but we both realized it's useless. All the time we were more like brothers than lovers. I realize that breaking up was the best thing for both of us, so that each of us could find a partner that would be more congenial for us. I know that I won't be able to get over this relationship instantly, but it hurts. Every night I lie awake and think about him, what is he doing and how does he feel. He cried when we broke up, although he realized as well as I did, that we don't belong together. I consider calling or texting him, but then I change my mind at the last moment, because if we're not a couple anymore, then we should cut all contacts as well.

I assume here are guys who have broken up with their boyfriends. How long time did it take for you to forget your old relationships and fall in love again? What did you do when you felt really bad?

[MisterTinkles]

Get a hobby.
Get a second job.
Ride a bike.
Walk the malls.

[Lycanthropist]

I'll tell ya, it's not gonna be easy. Each person is different as to how long it takes to get over someone. They say time heals all wounds, but some wounds never heal properly. You'll probably always retain some feelings for him, but for the most part, the sharp pangs of hurt will subside. It's good that you don't contact him. Mr. Tinkles suggests finding things to do and that's what most anyone would tell you. Keep busy to keep your mind distracted. You will have thoughts of him but distraction is the key. Once you go through this a few times it'll get easier. The recovery time will become shorter. Good luck and take care of yourself.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Never forget - move on, depends on the person and how the realtionship ended. It took three relationships to 'get over' my first... The second I was over the the moment the Ambulance arrived - or maybe when I was recuperating in hospital - Unfortunately he wasn't over me so we kept going at the 'love' thing - the way he defines love.

I recently learned that my first died. It hit me pretty hard. So I guess I never actually got over him, just distanced myself enough to where I didn't notice.


As for fall in love again... Well the truth is you never love two people exactly. That special love you have with one person cannot be repeated. Which is a terrible thing that no one tells you this because you end up passing up on a lot of good things because you are measuring that last 'real love' with a different love and since its not the same you think you don't have 'real love'.

Time wounds all heels, and heals all wounds.. Well most wounds, some just don't ever heal completely. This one will heal enough for you to breath and live again.

[Pix]

Socialize with others. Or if I felt REALLY bad then maybe veg to some dvds. I also did some story writing but my pain affected the quality of the work as I just forgot too many details...still, it helped, it just badly needed a rewrite that I wasn't fit to give it for well over a year at least.

And for me there's something healing about the ocean, whether walking by it or surfing on it.

Generally speaking the longer the relationship the longer it took to bounce back from the breakup. It took me years to fully break out of the last one despite finding someone else I like better anyway (it wasn't that I wanted to go back but there was some bitterness and pain there). Part of the problem may have been that I hid the pain so as to not upset who I was with...and the problem was the dreams. I'd dream I was back in the previous relationship in the worst part of it. I actually thought to break it off as soon as I saw it was doomed but I was talked into trying to make it work anyway rather than "running away when it gets rough" and doing that was one of the worst mistakes of my life as well as hers. Those months were torturous and bitter and those are the times that haunt my dreams, I think a clean break would've helped me get over it faster.

[Evan88]

Gayspeakers on top of me are right.. We all get through tough times like that but its always good to just move on with your life.. It wont be easy but I guess only time can mend a broken a heart.

Like what others say, get a new hobby, pursue other interests, and let go of the memories which would only remind you of him. Its inevitable to think of your "ex" once in a while but he became an ex for a reason. Its marked X and already crossed out on your life... There must be someone waiting for you. Who knows, if you pursue your hobbies, you might find someone like-minded. But careful though, dont love someone else just to forget your ex.

When you are being haunted by his memories, just watch TV, be addicted with a game in Wii or Playstation, go out with friends, anything you do for fun. For me friends really helped, go out with them and catch up on them since i presume you didnt had much time for them when you were still in a relationship..

With regards to how long will it take to forget him, it really depends on how long was the relationship but you'll get over it in time. One day, you will just wake up feeling enthusiastic about your life, thinking about your future and that guy is totally out of the picture. That's all i can say, dont jump into another relationship again when you are not yet over him.

Crying is also not a sign of weakness so cry it all out on your room until nothing's left for you to cry.