Need some advice. Please

[Anonymous]

Hey everyone,

So there is a guy that seems really interested in me, very much so. I like him and he has a wonderful personality. But there is something I'm concerned about: he's in a wheelchair. He can't walk due to a birth defect. I guess I'm unsure how to approach the situation.

I still see him as a great guy and that hasn't changed, but I have a lot of concerns if I dated him. I'm afraid I'd make him uncomfortable or try to do too much, I don't want him to think he can't be his own person and I don't want to take away his independence. Also concerned about if things progressed how "relations" would work, if there could be any. I don't want to sound like I need sex but it's something I'd like to do with a boyfriend. And I'm also concerned about what I'd need to do to ensure he is taken care of. If he did end up relying on me to take care of him extensively I don't know if I could handle it or I wouldn't be able to do a good job.

This guy deserves someone wonderful because he is a wonderful guy. I've never really considered if I would be with someone with a medical condition such as this, but I don't want to rule it out. It wouldn't be fair to say no to a guy for something he cant help, when he is a great guy. So my questions are: Should I give him a chance if he wants to date me and I like him? Are my concerns legitimate or am I overthinking things? Is there anything else I should consider before deciding if I could/should date him?

Any thoughts or opinions in regard to this would be nice. Again, I'm not trying to be mean by saying I wouldn't date a guy in a wheelchair, I have just never thought of it and I don't want to reject a nice guy for something he can't help.

[dfiant1]

It won't work, let him find someone better.

He is a human being and you are concerned about 'relations' over a 'relationship'?

Seriously, if you have to ask this question then you either need to leave him aslone or reassess who you are.

[Anonymous]

It won't work, let him find someone better.

He is a human being and you are concerned about 'relations' over a 'relationship'?

Seriously, if you have to ask this question then you either need to leave him aslone or reassess who you are.

It's not the most important thing to me, but it is a thought. And I'm thinking relationship over relations, the fact I want to make sure he is taken care of without feeling dependent and that I don't know what kind of assistance he might need is a concern should show that. I've never thought of being with a guy in a wheelchair and I want to make sure that if I do agree to date him (because he has shown a heavy interest in me and made comments hinting at that) that I would treat him right and do right by him. I'm not a bad guy, just a concerned one about the long term.

[dfiant1]

Oh well, that changes everything.

He got where he is without you right...so he has a large degree of independance. Treat him like a human...not a human in a wheel chair, you will find that what you consider to be disabled, the disabled see as an ability.

Don't dress things up for the right reaction...just have the balls to do the right thing.

[winterfell]

I'd have similar questions too, Anonymous. People in wheelchairs are one of the least understood by the public. I get what you're saying though, but it sounds like you are over thinking things! He's not looking for a caretaker or nurse. He wants to get to know you, and you should get to know him too. The wheelchair is just part of who he is. I wouldn't treat him like a baby, just be normal. And they have sex too (though many can't climax).

If you really like him, then go for it!

[southbiochem]

Yes, if you both like each other you should give a try

no, your concernsa re not weird...there's always that bit of problem with people with disabilities in finding a balance were you can be helpful but not in a way that would seem to them that you're taking away their independence...it's difficult

my best advice for you is to be honest with the situation and adress him given the chance.."I like you...I don't know how to properly manage your situation..I leave it to you to teach me exactly what can I do and what can't I do.."

I doubt he will become uber-reliant on you but then again, if you happen to fall for a person, I bet you can do unimaginable things for them, even if you think you can't right now..

as for sex...there are solutions to it...viagra being one them...but you should discuss that if you get involved further, of course..

best of lucks

[Sylph]

I would personally ask if I could sit on his lap and ride him... cause you know, he's in a wheel chair <3 .

I honestly dont care about stuff like that, and if we never have sex, then thats okay, as long as I love him and he me. I may sound odd, but I've never really truely been like wanting sex 87 miles a minute, it's just a side product to love in my opinion.

I get that you want to fuck, but don't want it to seem like thats all you want, because your trying to be sensitive to his plight, but really, probably half the people you fuck, will fuck and wont fuck, will have something or the other thats "wrong" with them, cause lets face it, aint no body perfect.

You should really just not make a big deal of his wheelchair and just date him already.

He probably wants to fuck you, but is being kind for the sake of your Idiosyncrasies, you never know.

I dont get this phenomena in the gay culture especially, where people cant have a single flaw or difference.

[MisterTinkles]

MY advice???

For once, I agree with Sylph.

[Sylph]

MY advice???

For once, I agree with Sylph.

This means that the entire.world as we know it and any subsequent worlds within our known universe and all others outside, will end...

Atleast on GS LOL

[Anonymous]

Yeah, Sex is the least important thing to me in a relationship but it is a curiosity I had. Not so much a concern like everything else I mentioned. Thank you for the input, if he does want to ask me out I'd give him a chance