Do bisexuals really have a choice?

[Geminize]

Yes, bisexuals have a choice. The choice to remain faithful to a partner or not -- just like everyone else.

I find different things attractive about men and women, some physical and some personality attributes. When I've been in a relationship I notice attractions to other people, but I don't think, "I'm really craving dick, or pussy," or whatever my current partner is missing, anatomically. I enjoy the intimacy and physicality of sex, and I find the personality of who I'm with to be much more important than their plumbing.

The insecurity many people feel about bisexuals really doesn't make sense to me. It seems to me that if you are in relationship with a bisexual you could feel even more flattered that someone who is attracted to people of both genders is attracted more to you than anyone else. Yay you!

There is no universal bisexual personality or experience, so it's hard to make any meaningful blanket statements about whether bisexuals "have a choice" about the gender of their partners.

[MisterTinkles]

People need to start getting away from and stop using all of these sexual labels.
Its like we're back in the 1950's, having to label EVERYTHING and EVERYBODY!

Im NOT "straight", Im NOT "gay", Im NOT "bisexual"............I am a human being, and I am attracted to males.

Substitute the word ATTRACTION/ATTRACTED for any of those bullshit sexual terms.
Everybody will be a lot better off.

[Sylph]

Gurl, As long as your having sex, who cares? Lol

But really, I did for awhile consider not dating a bisexual for the reason Sillyboy gave, in that I thought it'd be no prob for them to "slip" back into some pussy, but overtime, I stopped caring.

Bisexual people do what they have to do for their lives, just like any other person. Whether good or bad, it's their decision and can only reflect on them ultimately.

Why should they have to give a fuck as to what they need to do to be acceptable as people.

Bob Marley said it best gurl, One Love.

One Love, One heart.

[Pix]

Some people can be chaste while others will fall for anyone no matter how bad for them, so I can see bisexuals as being the type who can choose to ignore same sex pairings ("half chaste") or simply unable to restrain their attractions at all.

Generally speaking I think bisexuals tend to go with who they're attracted to (and some say they have "moods") and try to pass for gay or straight dependent on the gender of whom they're with as that's just easiest. Since so many are private about their sexuality AND sexuality can be unexpectedly fluid there's no way to really know who's "bisexual but passing."

In the case of my bisexual partner she swore off men after too many bad experiences. She then realized (after well over a decade from being in a relationship with any woman) she could have a fling with me and that's what she intended at first but it grew into something much more deeper and lasting. And for the record I trust her fidelity far more than I trust the fidelity of many others gay and straight.

[southbiochem]

I'm not sure "choice" is the word....getting atracted to someone is really not something you can control, so this day they would like a girl but the next time, maybe they'll get attracted to a boy..

at least I think it would be like that....maybe some go on streaks of liking just girls and then just boys

for many of them, I bet, of course there will be an appealing thing to just supress the "gay" side to avoid problems...

in the end, we all get attracted to people, the only difference is the target gender..bisexuals just have, IMO, a larger pool to get attracted too....the lucky bastards..mile:

[Jake]

Nope, but my boyfriend and a lot of my best friends are (I actually ended up explaining bisexuality to one friend, who realized she was bisexual and came out the next day), so I'm used to associating with them and I think I have a grasp on what it is to be bisexual. Before I met these people, I still knew what bisexuality was, from the same online source where I first learned what homosexuality was (which I'll include at the end of this post - it's excellent). What I've said essentially is that a bisexual isn't driven mindlessly by a mad sexual craving to have open relationships where they're having sex with with people of both genders, to sate an over-powering lust that propels them through their lives.

Which probably sounds ridiculous, but this is frequently the argument I hear following the line, "I would never date a bisexual because...", or even, "I am considering cheating on my [insert partner] because"...

And I know it's just not true, or at least, it doesn't have to be.

LOL well thanks for the link but one of my degrees in university is versed in the sexual preferences question... I write this kind of stuff myself

And it was just to verify whether you truly knew what was the case of bisexuality, and you do so I am satisfied. Thank you!

[stu]

I imagine there are a lot of bisexuals who have chosen to be 'straight' to make life easier. There seem to be a number of older men who for whatever reason have ended a straigt relationship and are now looking for a releationship with a man.

[Ekwarph]

I imagine there are a lot of bisexuals who have chosen to be 'straight' to make life easier. There seem to be a number of older men who for whatever reason have ended a straigt relationship and are now looking for a releationship with a man.

A possibility is that they might be more gay than bisexual, and for whatever reasons (social pressure, etc.) couldn't imagine being in a relationship with a same sex person.

[Jake]

When I think about it, they really kind of don't. If your straight or gay, you're attracted to only one side. So someone couldn't really rag on a guy for dating another guy if they're gay, because men are all they like. They can't be with a women very easily because they just aren't attracted to them. But a bisexual...if they're attracted to both sexes, then a bisexual man in a relationship with another man would get flak because they could be with a women much easier than a gay man could, but they're choosing to be with a guy. And I know that it's theorized (or confirmed, I don't know) that no one is truly 50-50 and everyone has a preference. But people could argue that unlike gay people who have little to no sexual attraction to girls, a bisexual man does have a significant amount of attraction to make it work, and yet they choose a guy. So, do bisexuals really have a choice? Because with so much pressure by society, they might as well just go straight to avoid all the trouble that comes with being with the same sex. When people argue that being gay is a choice and the other side says something like "Why would I choose the more difficult life? Gay is just a part of me." The same couldn't really be said for a bisexual because they could choose a girl. So when you think about it, thanks to societal pressure, bisexuals don't have a choice. They have to be straight unless they want to be seen as deviant by society.
I'm kinda just thinking out loud here, I don't really have a question. But what's your take on this? Am I right? Am I wrong? Is there something else to bisexuality I'm missing? As someone who's starting to find both sexes attractive myself, it does feel really confusing and sometimes I wish I could just make up my mind. When I watch gay porn, I feel a little guilty because I'm pretty damn sure I like girls, and yet I'm ignoring them when I don't have to. And if I got in a committed relationship with a girl, would my possible bisexuality be a problem? Would I eventually crave a man? .....I just realized I am now bombarding you with questions that I said I didn't have....

If you do a search you'll find out that your question have been answered several time in this forum. I did myself wrote quite a lot about the bisexual question. If you do a search you may be able to find my first deleted account bearing the very same pseudonym "Jake" which is not a pseudonym per se because that's the diminutive of my real name - but I digress. But just for you today I am once more going to write back the whole things about bisexuality, so at the same time those who are questioning, those who believe they know and those who are just okay with it in writing but have another course of mind in reality understand what the real meaning of bisexuality.

But first before I start driveling onto the subject let's clear this question out. Yes I am bisexual, yes I choose men, but did I truly choose? Yes I do prefer guys for many reasons that are not really sexual or physical, yes it took me several years to accept and comprehend my sexual behavior and finally find a balance.

Bisexuality is complex, very complex and unless you're bisexual yourself you will NEVER be able to fully understand what goes on through the mind of a genuine bisexual no matter how many people you know that are bisexual or how many years you have been studying the subject matter. If you're not bisexual, the only option you have to try and understand the dynamic of bisexuality is to ask question - just like you're doing right now. And the best answer you'll get will come from genuine bisexuals, not a gay going out with a bisexual, not a straight confuse with his/her sexuality. The gay flag is a rainbow, and that rainbow represent the many diversity of people who define themselves as gay, bisexual, transgender, queer and so on and so forth. But for many years and up to this days, bisexuals have been judge, segregated by the very people who tried to obtain amnesty for their own sexual preferences, ergo; the gay people.

So what is bisexuality?

*In a rough, Bisexuality is a romantic attraction, sexual attraction or sexual behavior toward both males and females. The term is mainly used in the context of human attraction to denote romantic or sexual feelings toward both men and women. It may also be defined as encompassing romantic or sexual attraction to people of all gender identities or to a person irrespective of that person's biological sex or gender, which is sometimes termed pan-sexuality.

Bisexuality is one of the three main classifications of sexual orientation along with heterosexuality and homosexuality, which are each parts of the heterosexual–homosexual continuum. A bisexual identity does not necessarily equate to equal sexual attraction to both sexes; commonly, people who have a distinct but not exclusive sexual preference for one sex over the other also identify themselves as bisexual.

Bisexuality has been observed in various human societies and elsewhere in the animal kingdom throughout recorded history. The term bisexuality, however, like the terms hetero- and homosexuality, was coined in the 19th century.

* [Source:] "Sexual Orientation". American Psychiatric Association. Archived from the original on July 26, 2011. Retrieved December 3, 2012.

How complex is it to define bisexuality? Well see below and you will understand why bisexuals are often lost in the wood with their own sexual preference. According to scientists, there would be 13 different levels of bisexuality, which I am listing below. Sure you guys can come up again and again saying that those labels does not apply to you or that it is just labeling and so on and so forth, but guys take in consideration that even though you hate labels, you make use of them continuously and frequently in you daily routine. Labels are just a methods of categorization used to organize thoughts and research you may choose to not be part of it... but in your attempt of de-labeling yourself you're creating sub-labels without even knowing it. Phrases such as " I'm not gay, I'm just a guy who happen to like guys" - go and check the definition of the label "Gay" and you will realize that your own definition of being "gay" is include in the gay label.

• Alternating Bisexuals – one relationship at a time, the first might be exclusively straight, the next exclusively gay and vice versa. Alternating Bisexuals are usually monogamous.
  
• Circumstantial Bisexuals – primarily heterosexual but bisexual because of circumstances, eg; Prison where there are no women/men available.
  
• Concurrent relationship Bisexuals – have a primary relationship with one gender, but may have multiple casual relationships with partners of the other gender.
  
• Conditional Bisexuals – will switch sexuality for personal gain, eg: Gay for Pay.
  
• Emotional Bisexuals – have intimate emotional relationships with both genders but only have sex with one gender.
  
• Integrated Bisexuals – have two or more concurrent primary relationships one with a man one with a woman
  
• Exploratory Bisexuals – testing the water seeing if they like it.
  
• Hedonistic Bisexuals -primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will switch purely for sexual pleasure.
  
• Recreational Bisexuals – bi only when drunk or high. “Party Bisexual”
  
• Isolated Bisexuals – currently straight or gay/lesbian – but has had one off sexual encounter in the past which qualifies them as bisexual.
  
• Latent Bisexuals – has strong yet so far unsatisfied urges to go the other way.
  
• Motivational Bisexuals – will go bi to satisfy a partner, e.g. straight women agreeing to MFF threesome.
  
• Transitional Bisexuals – the only type of bisexuality the gay community understands, the one “going through a phrase”.
  

Yes guys you can go ahead and search Google and you will find that list in there along with interminable discussions of the bisexual phenomenon by basic users like you and other more specialized scientists such as myself. But at the end of the day all the comments comes back to what you have read above.

In complement of the 13 levels, here's some general myth about bisexuality that you may have heard and perhaps you may think it yourself:

"There is no such thing as Bisexual. You're either gay/lesbian or straight, no in between."

The world is not black and white. Although it is sometimes hard for people to see the shades of gray that they do not understand. It is this attitude that all things fall into extremes that keeps many people from learning about and adopting the label, Bisexual.

Despite this there are many people who identify as bisexual in this world. This is the label that they feel best describes their attractions, be they physical or emotional, towards different genders. Often times one may remain unaware of a friend or relative's bisexuality because of this tendency (by either party) to classify everything as either gay or straight.

"Bisexuals are confused about their sexuality. They can't have it both ways... they have to make a choice."

This is quite possibly the hardest myth to dispel because of the fact that many people in transition from identifying as straight to identifying as gay or lesbian (and vice versa) use the label Bisexual as an aid in their transition. There is nothing wrong with this and in fact many people may feel bisexual for a time in their lives and then find that they identify more as gay/lesbian or straight, than bisexual. Most self-identified bisexuals have made their choice. What is meant by choice here is in choosing that label and NOT in choosing their sexual orientation. Sexual orientation is believed by many doctors (including psychiatrists) to be determined biologically and is not a conscious choice. Whatever other choices may be made, such as to the monogamy of relationships, is made on an individual basis and has little, if anything, to do with the label one adopts

"Everybody is bisexual"

Although most people experience an attraction for someone of the same gender at some point in their lives, this does not mean that everyone is bisexual. For most people these feelings pass or change over time without the person ever questioning or redefining their sexual orientations.

"To be bisexual you have to love both genders equally."

Identifying as bisexual does not set a limit as to how attracted one must feel towards either gender. There is no defined cut off point at which one must cease to identify as bisexual and must identify as gay/lesbian or straight because of a shift in attractions. Most bisexuals do not feel equally attracted to both genders on a sexual and emotional levels and experience shifts in attraction levels to either genders.* Some bisexuals are not attracted to a gender per se, but are instead attracted to the person's personality or various other attributes and take note of gender afterwards, if at all. In these cases gender does not really come into play.

"You can't be bisexual and be faithful to one person."

A person's decision to be monogamous with a partner is an individual choice influenced by many things involved in a relationship and in that person's own personality. Some bisexuals have open relationships and have relations with different people of different genders on different levels. Other bisexuals are in long term monogamous relationships, including faithful marriages. It is not unlike being straight or gay or lesbian and in a closed relationship. Different people simply make different choices as to how to go about relationships. This is not determined by the person's sexual orientation but rather by themselves and, in some cases, their partners.

Many bisexuals feel that they can be perfectly content with one person and don't have an overwhelming urge to carry on relations with two genders at once. This is analogous to being a part of a monogamous gay/lesbian or straight couple and choosing whether or not "cheat" on that partner. Or, in cases where both partners are involved in the decision of who is involved in there sexual lives, it is no different than being a straight 'swinging couple involved with other swinging couples (or individuals). Once again these are individual choices and are not a direct consequence of a person's sexual orientation.

"Bisexuals are much more likely to carry sexually transmitted diseases/infections"

It's not who or what a person is that makes them more likely to carry diseases and infections. It is what a person DOES, the sexual practices of a person, in particular how well a person protects him/herself during sexual activities. The more educated one becomes about STD's the better protected one can be from infection.

"Bisexuals are more accepted by straight society."

This myth has all been expressed by some as "Bisexuals are more accepted by gay/lesbian society." The truth is that although bisexual activists fight for many of the same rights as gay and lesbian people do, they are not always made to feel welcome as a part of the community/movement. The heterosexual community often groups bisexuals as being "confused or undercover homosexuals" and so rejects bisexuals and the concept of bisexuality. For the opposite reason some lesbian and gay people reject bisexuality as a valid sexual orientation and see the stigma and not the people. The fact is that many bisexual people feel as if they are somewhere in between the two worlds and feel both positive and negative feelings from both. This is not to say that lesbian, gay and bisexual people do not work together in the equal rights movement and accomplish great things.

That's it guys... make your teeth on that one... I believe that some of those statements have been replying to some of your questions, and honestly I can do the very same shit with the concept of faithfulness, cheating and open relationship.

I am a bisexual, that's what define me the most and I am totally comfortable with that. Yes I'm married to a guy and we have been 8 long years together and I'm contemplating another 8 or longer years. We are actually an open couple and that's how we define ourselves. Alex is GAY totally gay. But being a multi sexual couple have not eliminated the love and respect we have for one another. In fact in our community we are quite often quoted as one of the most loving and successful gay couple and all that thank to the fact that Alex and I refuses to go to bed angry... if it take the whole night for us to fix a problem, let it be sexual, psychological, finance we are going to do it until we both agree.

Jake - if you wonder what my credential is, I am a behavioral psychologist, although I work as an IT Generalist, I do sometime give lectures in universities, communities and I also write in periodic journal of psychology. But the things I just did here has nothing to do with my degree, I am just like you someone curious looking for answers... the only difference is that I do have a professional methodology to find out what I'm looking for. That doesn't mean I'm write because I have my own ways of defining stuff... I take research as a tool to better understand pathology and behaviors, but at the end of the day I am the master of my own destiny... no researches and no guy with a degree can tell me what to do or how I feel. And I do hope that you will take this post as being a tool to better understand and find your own conclusions.

So I bid you all good luck, happy new year 2014.

Cheers!