Could use some wisdom

[Eth21]

So I finally feel comfortable to post this.
So as I said a while ago now that I was still trying to figure some things out about myself so wanted to get your thoughts on it all.
So I'll start from the beginning that when I was around 5 I was seriously ill and nearly died with meningitis since I came out of the hospital I was extremely shy and all I ever wanted to do was fit in and be "normal" but I had to wear glasses and was ginger and kids are cruel so I had huge confidence issues throughout growing up. Not helped by piling on loads of weight in my teens, during which I noticed I was very different to everyone else and started noticing boys so I dug even deeper to suppress it and be "normal" but it crippled my self esteem and confidence even more. Then I went on to 6th form and my few friends started getting girlfriends which although I'm attracted to girls I can't help feel like I'm forcing it on myself subconsciously. I ended up so stressed I stopped eating and subsequently lost the weight but it didn't help the self esteem.. A few more years down the line I still hadn't accepted who I was and tried to be "normal" but people kept asking questions about wether I was gay or not and I kept denying but I couldn't see a future anymore and became very depressed and thought about ending it all but I decided I couldn't do it to my family.
Then a few weeks ago I had a dream that a guy asked me out (I never dream about guys) and I agreed and it felt right. So I did some looking at online for some help and was finally able to accept who I am to some degree. Joining here also helped a lot.
However still trying to work out when I'm attracted to a girl is it me just trying to force the straight thing on myself to fit in to society or am I actually bi?
Also extremely confused since I was always brought up with being very accepting of gay people (parents I don't think would be bothered except mum who wants grand kids :/ ) but bisexuals are just kidding themselves (I don't believe this notion myself anymore) but it would make it difficult to come out..
Thanks in advance for reading this sorry it's a long one wasn't meant to be..

[SilverBullet]

As was pointed out to me by several wise guys , labels such as bi, gay etc are only that, simple labels.
You are a human, don't worry about what others may say or think you will NEVER please everyone. Ignore those that put blocks in your path and remember you don't have to live with those people but you MUST live with yourself for the rest of your life. Make it a good life and do what feels right to you regardless of simple labels. Take things slow and figure out what you want and what truly makes you happy.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Self-esteem issues respond well to professional therapy. and that - not bisexuality, is the root problem you have going on.

Advice: get a therapist (psychologist) to work with you to deal with the self esteem issues.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Now that you have started to accept yourself for what you are, then the requirement to continually put a label on yourself will fall away also, as will the self esteem issues.

Being LGBT does not define who you are as a person, its just a natural part of who you are.

Im glad things are starting to become clearer. It does get better

Good Luck,
ObW
X

[MisterTinkles]

So, you are attracted to girls sometimes......why is that such a bad thing? If you arent interested in dating one, then why stress over it? They are just people. You ARE allowed to have friends who are girls. And if you find a nice girl you would like to date, just talk to her about whats going on in your mind. There are a lot of girls out there who dont mind dating guys who are not interested in anything solid or sexual.

As far as dreams go.......dreams are a means for your subconscious mind to tell your conscious mind what problems need to be addressed and/or solved. What you actually dream about are only representations of things that your subconscious mind is trying to express to you conscious mind. Because you dream of a boy, doesnt mean that your dream means you will meet that boy.
That boy could represent a lot of different aspects of your mind, which is trying to convey a message to you.

You might try meditation. There are many different forms of meditation, so you might try and find one thats right for you.

[Woollyhats]

Your teenage years are over, and you are a surviver,

Now, to stop the feeling of having to choose one gender over the other, focus on just finding someone to fall in love with, whoever that person is. You have a wider scope, so to speak, but if you were limited to one gender, I would hope you wouldn't just say, "I need to date a woman now because it's time to get married", and rather say, "I want to fall in love". Falling in love is not limited to any particular gender or orientation, and if you're feeling pressure to choose one or the other, leave it open ended.

Also, if you're worried about "coming out" as bi to your mother, You can always come out after you find a girl friend or a boyfriend. It's not usually the best idea, but if you feel helpless in this regard that could be a compromise. I don't see why you're worrying yourself though, they're fine with gay people, so they should be fine with you having the possibility of falling in love with a gay person. Bonus: She can still get grandchildren if you're in a gay relationship.

Just stop over thinking it so much, a lot of this "having to choose a gender" stuff is stuff that doesn't really matter -- since you're not out to fall in love with a girl or a boy, but a person that you love and loves you back.

/End

[Eth21]

Thanks guys for your advice I know I shouldn't try and label myself but I think it's a way of coping. As for likening girls I should prob add that although I find them attractive I don't tend to crush on them quite like I do on guys so think I'm leaning more to the gay end of a scale but hopefully In the coming year I can work on that. Also considering coming out to my parents this year as well as think I'll be ready to do so soon.. Once again thanks for your thoughts

[ChrisD]

Thou shalt not categorize thyself, for the good Lord has said: thou art not a supermarket commodity, and do not fall into groups such as produce, dairy, meat, or seafood; I hath created thee as human. Thou shalt love people, not the labels which they or others hath affixed upon themselves.

Also I will admit that I didn't read everyone else's posts so sorry if I'm plagiarizing but anywho life gets more fun when you don't care what other people think. You may want to try counseling for some of the self-confidence issues and related symptoms.

[Eth21]

Thou shalt not categorize thyself, for the good Lord has said: thou art not a supermarket commodity, and do not fall into groups such as produce, dairy, meat, or seafood; I hath created thee as human. Thou shalt love people, not the labels which they or others hath affixed upon themselves.

Funny enough I do work in a supermarket. Maybe that's why I do it

[matty7]

your sounding like you know the answers but need that confirmation ,,bi people are not kidding themselves so if you swing both ways then go with that /// you did have a tuff time growing up and you have built so many walls to protect yourself that I wouldn't expect you to knock it down in one go , but knock away brick by brick and your gonna get your self esteem to either ask a girl or guy out very soon,, just do whats comfortable ,, having your family behind you will help so much too if you can build
up to telling them (good chance they know anyway) parents are not blind m8