For the past few weeks, I've been ready to tell my parents about my sexuality. However, every time I try to talk about the subject, I get very nervous and I just can't speak.
I don't think that my parents are homophobic or anything; I'm pretty sure that they'd accept me for who I am. I've always had a hard time talking about things that meant something to me or my emotions. I'd spend time in my room going over what to say and how to say it, but when it gets to the time to actually say it, I just can't..
There's been a multitude of times where the opportunity was there, so it's not like I just didn't see the time fit.
![[-]](https://gayspeak.com/images/duende_v3_local/collapse.png)
•
Have you thought about a letter?
Lots of people are unable to face close family or friends and put into words what they are feeling inside.
If you don't think the letter would work, try writing down what you want to say...
Good Luck 
ObW
X
•
I've tried a letter. I had it all written out. I put it in the envelope and put it somewhere that they would find it. About an hour (and a panic attack) later, I received the letter from where I had put it, rip it up, and threw it away.
•
Why do you NEED to come out?
Why are you putting so much pressure on yourself?
You are getting stage fright and as far as coming out goes, just let it happen, coming out won't change anything really....its nice to be open and honest, but that doesn't mean forcing yourself to come out...it means being OPEN AND HONEST...the time to come out will present itself when the time is right, not when you want to tell the world.
•
dfiant1 Wrote:Why do you NEED to come out?
Why are you putting so much pressure on yourself?
You are getting stage fright and as far as coming out goes, just let it happen, coming out won't change anything really....its nice to be open and honest, but that doesn't mean forcing yourself to come out...it means being OPEN AND HONEST...the time to come out will present itself when the time is right, not when you want to tell the world.
I concur.
It was similar for me where I'd do the thibgs where I prepare a situation but it never fleshes out.
Don't worry, the opportunity or the circumstance will reveal itself at the right time.
For me it was apparently during the middle of my final exams o.o but that's okay.
If youbget panic attacks trying to say youre gay, then probably its nit the right time. Just don't worry about it and let fate take care of things. Things like this come spur of the moment. When you prepare things like this ahead of time, always prepare for disappointment too. Because they never turn out quite how you plan.
•
I must agree with Lilitu and dfiant...
you seem to be putting a bit too much pressure on yourself...if you're still not comfortable about it, no need for you to do it yet...
and it's not like you need to go barging in their room and say "I'm gay"...you can do it, when it seems better for you, like this:
"Hey, mom and dad, I want to introduce you to my girlfriend, is it Ok if I have her over for dinner one day?"
that is a clear and loud message that says you want them to know this side of your life without necessarily having them sit down and declaring "I'm gay"
do it when you feel Ok with it..
•
If your parents are not homophobic, it's probably for the best to come out, especially if you're going to be living with them for a long time still. You'll get to skip the awkward conversations about when you're bringing a boy home, while also being able to bring a girl home, and get a girlfriend without being all secretive (it's reassuring when someone you're dating tells his parents about you.). And no, you don't have too, but when you're lying and avoiding certain subjects with your parents because of your sexuality, your relationship with your parents is affected.
I only told my family when I started dating, before that I was in the same boat as you. MY immediate family (the relevant family anyway) wasn't homophobic, but I was still scared.
What I did was I set myself a deadline, and just focused on telling my mom. It was nerve wrecking, and I paced a lot the first day, making meaningless small talk trying to bring up the subject. I finally told her the next day while she was driving me somewhere, and she was like, "I'm a cool mom!", so my worry was for nothing. It also helped that I never said "I'm gay", I just told her about my boyfriend, who she liked.
It does feel a lot better once you tell your family, you get to be completely yourself and comfortable around them. I would encourage you to keep trying.
At the same time, there's no real time limit, and you can keep trying. You sound very upset in your post - you don't need to be upset. If you keep trying, you'll tell them eventually. The trick is to force yourself to say the words... Preparation is good but will only take you so far. So start a conversation, write a letter, but do so on your terms. You aren't a bad person for being worried; I was shitting my pants too.
•
I agree with Wooly. My parents are rather homophobic. I told them I was gay and I knew there would need to be time to adjust. While they still don't appreciate my being gay, they do accept it. Me and the bf had both Thanksgiving and Christmas parties with them. It takes time for them to adjust. Better to start now then to put it off until later.
People say "why do you have to tell them at all?" My answer is because I was not being true to myself. It felt wrong to hide my sexuality. It wasn't fair to my boyfriend to keep our relationship hidden and I didn't want to have them find out through other sources. This way I could control the information without them going into major denial mode. I have always tried to be open and honest with my parents. It was the hardest thing I've done in my life but it also felt extremely liberating. I no longer have to hide from them and I don't get depressed like I used to. Sometimes it is better to be an open book than to hide your true self.
•
It's actually funny how parents can sometimes know something without you telling them. My boyfriend and I haven't technically said anything to my dad and yet he understands the situation. It was just a question of bringing him home, showing normal levels of affection (but not too many public displays of kissing for example, as we don't want to make him uncomfortable) but just living life normally with that person included in your life. I wonder if that would be possible. Just to have the girlfriend around and not say anything that didn't speak for itself, if you know what I mean. Now if I were ever to say to my dad that I'm gay, I'd be speaking the obvious and it wouldn't be alarming at all to utter the words. If your parents are worldly and not homophobic, I'm sure they'll pick up on it pretty quickly. No need to say the words, just live the life. And share it normally with them.
•
Amyway, sorry, I forgot to say: "Good luck" to you and to whatever way you decide to make your truth be known.
•
|
