What Did You Learn Today?

[homobadwolf]

Learn't that I am going to be on womens fashion soon!

Congrats!

[Wolfpack]

Learn't that I am going to be on womens fashion soon!

Nope not going to say anything...........nope nothing at all hehe

[Brett240]

I learned it's a REALLY bad idea to answer the phone without looking at Caller ID...

[CellarDweller]

oh yeah, learned that a long time ago.

[homobadwolf]

I learned it's a REALLY bad idea to answer the phone without looking at Caller ID...

Even worse not to answer your cell in a public place AFTER looking at the caller id. There's a chance they're watching you

When I was a teen my dad was calling me while I was at wal-mart and I had forgotten his birthday a few days before so I was spazzing out with a friend over whether to answer or not. We decided to let it go to voicemail... he was at the end of the aisle watching us.

[deltalover4]

I learned that getting in a hot tub with no chemicals in it will give you a bacterial infection (I thought there was chemicals in it).

[nullnaught]

it is possible to play drums on a keyboard. Barely. I hope.

[Softmachine]

I learnt that you should never be in the same room as someone injecting steroids. The twenty minutes of rage and paranoia are not fun to be around, though luckily they do subside. But it's a long twenty minutes.

[gilhooly]

My neighbor Irma said I was a rude person. I was recommending that old people should have cats to keep their blood pressure down. Irma said cats were filthy and brought bed bugs to our complex.

Irma accused me of being nice to Rowe who had just died. She said Rowe was a rude and diseased lesbian who died of diabetes because she was a filthy queer woman.

Irma said I was obviously a moron because I visited the local zoo by myself. A man who visits zoos is mentally unbalanced.

She told everyone loudly that she had seen me skip to the local convenience store. She yelled. "This man, John Marren, belongs in a prison. People who like cats are probably ex-convicts. Old men who skip are probably faggots."

Irma said I was rude because I enjoyed Tai-chi. "This man, John, laughs when we exercise."

"This moron, John Marren, claims to see ghosts. I asked him politely who he was talking to at the convenience store. and he said The boy Tommy Mullins had died in 1959 and he said the priest was his confessor who died in 1996, a Father Jimmy Gilhooly he called him. "This man is trying to force all of to believe in God. WE ARE ALL ATHEISTS IN THIS BUILDING, John. We will not allow you to brainwash us into believing in God. Old people have no need of God or hope, we are all going to die and be dead forever."

Irma got angry when I insisted my parakeet Mickey and all my dogs and cats were in heaven. She screamed "THERE IS NO GODDAMN HEAVEN FOR ANYONE. PARTICULARLY FILTHY ANIMALS WHICH SHOULD BE RUN OVER BY CARS. ANIMALS ARE RUDE AND DON'T DESERVE TO LIVE.

"You probably believe dykes can get into heaven,"

I said "I plead guilty to all your accustions, Irma."

"I am glad you admit it. You are a mentally ill man who likes gays and animals."

"You got me, Irma, and I am not the least bit ashamed of myself."

"I knew you were no good, John Marren."

Two neighbors, Eleanor and Marc saw me grinning. They took me to the TV room. We burst out laughing.

Eleanor says, "My God, John, do you remember Irma during hurricane Sandy. She was throwing old women off the bus saying the bus was for her, and for her only. John, you were a miracle worker. After Irma knocked down that old colored woman, you reached into the bus, twisted Irma's foot and threw her into the back of the bus. I loved seeing a man on that bus. You really were a marine, you were so calm and maintained order. John, I fell in love with you when you bought me that slice of pizza after fighting with women at the supermarket. John, you were the only calm person during the hurricane."
"Actually, Eleanor, I had a secret agenda."
"What agenda did you have?" asked Marc.
"Old men and women started to bring me free food. Eleanor, you keep bringing me meatballs. Marc, you keep bringing me deviled eggs."

Here's what I learned today. If you keep your mouth shut and let old sociopathic women insult you, people noticed how ugly Irma was.

And, if you keep your head when others are fearful, some people will like you and bring you free food as a thank you..

Be kind to your neighbors, guys. People notice when you act like a man and think of others, including your pets.

[kidchameleon]

I learned that if you microwave eggs they have a chance to explode -_-