HELP ME! I want to leave home but don't at the same time.

[Reece1997]

Well I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 months, I've known him over a year and he's 26, I love him and he loves me, I'm in the closet and our relationship is a secret, we have already talked about started a family together in the future and it wasn't rushed either it just felt right, and everything with him just feels right!

The problem is my Dad is majorly Homophobic, he always says how he thinks being gay or a lesbian is disgusting and I've got into massive arguments with him over him saying this, every time there is a same sex couple that kisses or does anything together he says that's disgusting, yuk and stuff like that it makes me pretty upset sometimes, I have an older brother who is gay and Dad always says stuff about him being gay and how he is an embarrassment, once again I've also told him off for saying things like that.

I've seriously considered moving out with my boyfriend and cutting him out of my life because i really don't need his negativity dragging me down.

My boyfriend said he is willing for me to move in with him if i want to, he's also in the closet and didn't want to come out until he had something to show for it, My old plan was to move out of school at the end of 2015 when i finish school, but now i'm thinking about moving sooner, i really don't want to deal with my Dad anymore.

I'm just starting year 11 in school, I think most of my friends would be supportive, generally i don't care what people think but i don't want to upset my family!
I WILL BE FINISHING SCHOOL NO MATTER WHAT!

[Wade]

Finish school. Finish school. Finish school. Then move out. Your dad sounds like a cunt, I'm sorry about that. It sounds like your life is probably pretty hectic, having a boyfriend ten years your senior, being in the closet, a cunt of a father, plus school and everything else that comes with being 16. As difficult as it is putting up with your father and his ignorance, I would think that it's in your best interest in the long run of your life to focus on school now, and move when it's over. It feels like forever, it feels like it'll never end, but it's not and it will.

EDIT: I have no qualifications for giving advice and there's no reason you should listen to me... but that's my gut reaction and I can't convince myself not to post it.

[Woollyhats]

What is your relationship like with your boyfriend? Are you planning on staying together for the long term? Have you been together for a long while, perhaps over a year?

Realize that if you move in with your boyfriend right now, this will be your permanent place of residence for a long while --- and you may not have any real back up plans for if you break up. Obviously, if you've been together for a long while and plan to stay together, the possibility of breaking up becomes less likely, thus me asking. However, relationships where you are dependent on your partner leave you vulnerable to financial abuse (which will trap you in an abusive relationship), and a lack of options if the relationship does end. Furthermore, moving in with him will be a big life change, and both of you will feel stressed. You may even feel that you were forced to settle with him, which if applicable, you will have to work through or it will poison your entire relationship --- ensure you're moving in with him because you love him and it's a positive life decision, not because you have too.

Secondly, what is his situation? Are his parents equally homophobic, or is he just nervous to tell them? Is he financially independent (I hope, if he's on his own?). What I mean to say, is that is he actually capable of supporting you for a brief while during the time it takes you both to get settled in? And if you move in with him, how will you contribute financially? Please try to figure that out, even if you're simply paying your own way, because you want some sort of income. You'll have to work this out.

You also have an older brother that is gay --- why not talk this over with him and find out if you can stay with him if anything goes wrong and you need a place to stay? If you are afraid of him telling your father, I would let that fear rest, if he's gay he understands -- although it might be useful for you to use him to tell your father together about yourself. Likely when he realizes multiple children of his are gay, that it's time to grow up. If not, he truly is a lost cause, and maybe it really is a good idea to 'cut him out of your life'.

Lastly, does living at home and finishing school seem feasible at all? If yes, please stay and finish school. If you move out, finishing school may become a thing of the past. However, after asking this, Is your home abusive? Do you live in fear? Are you afraid of what would happen (think: physical safety, regard for your own life) if your father found out you were gay? If yes to any of these begin looking at options to moving out immediately. Likely you are terrified, especially if the situation is abusive.

However, as soon as you take steps and physically remove yourself from the environment of his home, his power over you will begin to dissipate. And you'll be able to start your own life. I will only hope you don't concern yourself over being a disappointment to him --- because parenting works both ways. You tried your hardest, I am sure. So at this point, he is a disappointment to you.

I had a father who I will say is not the nicest man in the world, and I willingly, and my brother more reluctantly, don't have contact with him anymore. For what it is worth, it is one of the most positive things that have happened in our lives. So, if it comes to not being able to have your father in your life, see it as a positive thing please, because that's what it will be.

[Reece1997]

Finish school. Finish school. Finish school. Then move out. Your dad sounds like a cunt, I'm sorry about that. It sounds like your life is probably pretty hectic, having a boyfriend ten years your senior, being in the closet, a cunt of a father, plus school and everything else that comes with being 16. As difficult as it is putting up with your father and his ignorance, I would think that it's in your best interest in the long run of your life to focus on school now, and move when it's over. It feels like forever, it feels like it'll never end, but it's not and it will.

EDIT: I have no qualifications for giving advice and there's no reason you should listen to me... but that's my gut reaction and I can't convince myself not to post it.

I would still go to the same school if i moved out!

[Reece1997]

What is your relationship like with your boyfriend? Are you planning on staying together for the long term? Have you been together for a long while, perhaps over a year?
3 months but i've been seeing him for around 8.
Realize that if you move in with your boyfriend right now, this will be your permanent place of residence for a long while --- and you may not have any real back up plans for if you break up.
Yep, i'm quite confident we won't break up though.
Obviously, if you've been together for a long while and plan to stay together, the possibility of breaking up becomes less likely, thus me asking. However, relationships where you are dependent on your partner leave you vulnerable to financial abuse (which will trap you in an abusive relationship), and a lack of options if the relationship does end. Furthermore, moving in with him will be a big life change, and both of you will feel stressed. You may even feel that you were forced to settle with him, which if applicable, you will have to work through or it will poison your entire relationship --- ensure you're moving in with him because you love him and it's a positive life decision, not because you have too.
Yep it's because i love him!

Secondly, what is his situation? Are his parents equally homophobic, or is he just nervous to tell them?
He's just nervous to tell them his mum isn't homophobic but i'm not sure bout his Dad
Is he financially independent (I hope, if he's on his own?). What I mean to say, is that is he actually capable of supporting you for a brief while during the time it takes you both to get settled in?
Yeah he lives with housemates, yeah i have around $450 i could use to help until i find a after school job and weekend one.
And if you move in with him, how will you contribute financially? Please try to figure that out, even if you're simply paying your own way, because you want some sort of income. You'll have to work this out.
I will be paying some of the rent.
You also have an older brother that is gay --- why not talk this over with him and find out if you can stay with him if anything goes wrong and you need a place to stay?
He lives on the other side of Australia, he knows i'm gay though.
If you are afraid of him telling your father, I would let that fear rest, if he's gay he understands -- although it might be useful for you to use him to tell your father together about yourself. Likely when he realizes multiple children of his are gay, that it's time to grow up. If not, he truly is a lost cause, and maybe it really is a good idea to 'cut him out of your life'.
I think he might take me being gay harder because yeah he tends to hate on gays and 2 of his sons being gay don't think he'd be happy at all.
Lastly, does living at home and finishing school seem feasible at all? Is your home abusive? Do you live in fear? If yes to any of these begin looking at options to moving out immediately. Likely you are terrified, especially if the situation is abusive.
It is doable, It's not abusive or anything like that.
However, as soon as you take steps and physically remove yourself from the environment of his home, his power over you will begin to dissipate. And you'll be able to start your own life. I will only hope you don't concern yourself over being a disappointment to him --- because parenting works both ways. You tried your hardest, I am sure. So at this point, he is a disappointment to you.
Yeah, I've always tried but it's never been enough for my Dad with is quite saddening.
I had a father who I will say is not the nicest man in the world, and I willingly, and my brother more reluctantly, don't have contact with him anymore. For what it is worth, it is one of the most positive things that have happened in our lives. So, if it comes to not being able to have your father in your life, see it as a positive thing please, because that's what it will be.

Thank you!

[Sylph]

If you truely wanted to go, if you were dead set serious on making this life altering decision, you wouldn't still be there. I could be wrong however.

But it'd be premature and impetuous of you to leave now, irregardless of your circumstances. Remember, while you maybe old enough to discern what it is you think you want with and of your life, you have utterly no tools or experience to make what you want happen. This is the truth.

You may have a job or money and obviously your boyfriend says he'll help you, but you must think something like this out very carefully.

What if he dies? Loses interest in you? Gets sick? What if you get sick or lose interest?

He has the advantage of position over you in seniority, in that his life is for the most part, or should be if he's willing to take you in, settled. He most likely has an education, job and obviously a place to stay.

What do you have?

What if he up and leaves you or is parted from you in unfortunate circumstances?

You need to finish school, high school at least, stabalize your own life first,take care of yourself or at least have the means andknow-how to do so. Otherwise you only will create problems on not only yourself, but potentially your boyfriend, who could get annoyed with that.

I wouldn't act so hastily, because those who are quick to act, are the first to have regrets.

Could you not join a group or utilize some sort of release for your emotions, such as a diary? It would help relieve your urgency to flee the nest.

Whatever you decide to do, try to make sure its what's best for your life in the long run and that you have fall backs that don't include actually falling onto your back.

:hugs-and-kisses-smi

[dfiant1]

G Day Reece...Don't jump from the frying pan to the fryer. You have only been in a relationships for 3 months, yes I understand you love him and vise versa, but 3 months isn't very long, not long enough to begin making such commitments as moving in together.

I empathise with you and the situation you are in with your father, but if I were you I would be just letting what he say slide...he only makes himself look the fool with his bigotry and you know what they say about people who argue with fools right????

Talk to your brother, you will find support in each other.

[Joshular]

I feel
Don't hate me just my thoughts and feels on this


You are too young for him. I wana know what's going threw your boyfriends mind dating a 16year old?

What dose he do for a living? What are you going to do for a living?
Mentally you're not compatible due to the fact that your brain is still developing and it doesn't work properly. So I wana know what he's thinking dating a child? IMO 16 you're still a child. IMO you're a child until you're 18 even then you're still pretty much a child.

[Hikari]

I think 3 months is too early to know if you can be with someone for long time , so it is not good idea to move in with him ~

[MisterLove]

Well I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 3 months [...]

Honey, I sure know how you feel, I've been through a similar situation.

My father is also a homophobe and when I came out things were not pleasant AT ALL.

My advice to you is: don't listen to what gay activists say, many of them mean well, many are just frustrated bitches that like to see others suffer (Schadenfreude). Be smart and do what's best for you.

If I were you, I would be prudent, keep my mouth shut and wouldn't do anything I could regret later. Relationships come and go but family stays forever, whether we like it or not.