Complicated Wrote:When I first started dating guys I was a mess. No standards, no mental strength what so ever, easily influenced. I dated 3 guys within 7 months. Now ive calmed down and Im really into this guy im talking to. We both finished relationships in October. We have so much in common. I see a future with him unlike the previous guys. He agrees that we could be something special but isnt ready for a relationship. I dont want to hang around because I did that with the last guy; made foolish decisions and ended up wasting 7 months of my life that I CANNOT get back. Should I wait for him to be ready for this relationship or not?
Wait until you waste 14 years with a guy - then you will look back at this time and wish you only wasted 7 months.
I am not going to tell you what you should do, instead I'm going to turn this around a bit and lend you the perspective of decades of live, and point out things which you may apply here. I'm going to point out a few things which perhaps you may desire to apply, or not. I'm not going to force you to.
You have identified that you date too much. That is actually a good start here. Pick up that thought and run with it for a while.
Nowhere here have you taken time off to reevaluate between dudes who YOU are as an individual. I find it difficult to believe that you have spent any amount of quality time with 'Me' (which is to say yourself).
October wasn't that long ago, what three four months? Am I to honestly believe you got over a broken heart, found resolutions to issues you had with Mr. Ex, worked on YOUR problems that YOU brought to that last relationship?
You need to ask yourself a couple questions here:
1.
Who am I?
If people/yourself refer to you as an
And.... as in Dan
and David.... Joe
and Raul.... Jim
and Steve you are not being you. Yes you have been hard at work being part of 'Us' over and over again, now its time you figure out who 'me' is.
Any relationship where both parties have a keener understanding of who they are as an individual tends to work out a little better. More often than not just a little, but every little bit helps.
2. D
o I need to be in a relationship? There is the want aspect, we all want to be loved and be hugged and cuddled and have regular sex and all of those good things that come with relationships. But do we
need it? Is your personal life such as this time that you can take on an 'us' (you and_______)? Perhaps you need "me" time - time to work on you.
Now go back and reread what I just wrote, I have tried to take your focus off of this other guy and tried to get you to focus for a moment on
you,
your readiness for a relationship, what is is
you need as an individual in order to safely navigate the waters of the world as an individual and as a half in an eventual whole.
Your potential BF at this time may not be able to vocalize a lot of emotions and thoughts. He may actually be intuitively understanding that he needs to work on his 'me'. As I have pointed out above with yourself. This is not a bad thing, in fact since he is as freshly out of a bad romance as you are (3-4 months is fresh compared to 80 years of life which you will most likely live) his reluctance at this time to rush headlong into another potentially bad romance is a great quality for a potential mate. It is a sign of maturity.
Between not being with this guy and having yet one more romance, is there something else you can have with him?
You say you two have much in common - good, great - does this mean you two can hang together and be friends? Not friends with benefits (sex) just good buddies. Share hobbies, perhaps explore those with him - not with the strain of 'I want you' as a lover, but as good buddies who can share time with each other.
Can both of you take the strain of 'eros love' out of this and work on the 'Philos love' Do by all means follow up on these two forms of love here: [URL="http://chrismlegg.com/2009/10/01/5-greek-words-for-love-agape/"]The Five Types of Greek Love
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Understand that if you are going to have a good long romance/marriage you are going to want to have a good to great friendship with your partner/spouse. So being friends first and foremost most likely is the best route to take. A relationship based on commonalities instead of how great he/you/both are in bed often works out to work for the long run.
I understand you do not want to waste a minute of your sentence here on Earth, but its a life a sentence and frankly you ain't going to get out of it without mistakes and errors. Sure you may view past loves as 'mistakes' - but I think that in time you will learn to look back at these 'wasted attempts' and see that in reality they were lessons in life, lessons that taught you things about yourself and others, thus helped to form you as the individual you are.
Just the mere fact that you are asking questions this time around tells me you have learned something from these past 'mistakes'. So was it such a waste if you learned something from it all?
Perhaps instead of looking at this fellow and any waiting as a potential 'waste of time' look at it as a potential learning experience, what that will undoubtedly teach you important things about life, people and most importantly yourself.
Lastly, people rarely regret things they have done, they almost always regret things they haven't done. In this situation, I can almost guarantee you that if you run off to find another guy to meet your immediate wants, a few years down the road you will look back and regret not waiting, or not taking the slow route here and seeing what happens.
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