How possible it is to hide a cancer?

[Anonymous]

I’m a man, 24 years old. I've been using this site for quite a long time now and now I need your help and advice. Not long time ago I found out I’ve a tumor. Unfortunately it’s a malignant one, however, my doctor says I’ve good chances, because it’s discovered on pretty early stage. I have to have a surgery and undergo chemotherapy afterwards. I know there will be big changes in my life, but the thing is that I don’t want my family to know about this.

My family is quite big, it consists of my parents, grandparents, brothers and sisters. We have good relationships and we’re meeting about two times in month. I live separately together with my boyfriend and I really don’t want my relatives to know I’ve cancer. I know my family too damn well. If they’ll find out the truth, they would start to treat me as infant. They would get me in the bed and wouldn’t let me go anywhere. Besides I don’t want them to look at me as if I’m on my deathbed already. Pity is the last thing I need right now. My boyfriend is the only person who knows and I want it to stay that way.

So, I wanted to ask – is it possible to hide my sickness? I always thought it would never touch me, and I haven't met people with cancer before. Do cancer patients look different then other people? I’m at the very beginning of my fight, so I would like to know how much will I change? I know my hair will fall out during the chemotherapy, but that won't be a problem, as I have very short hair right now. Maybe someone could share his/her experience. I would appreciate that very much.

[Bravo]

Sorry to hear about your sickness, and I hope you'll get better soon

I know that's not what you wanted to hear, but based on what I've seen... Sadly, no.

My aunt had breast cancer, and even though it was benign and caught on early stage, she wasn't looking good enough to hide her sickness. Chemotherapy is really strong, she lost her hair fast and was looking pretty weak... She spent most of the time at my home because she is single and her daughter lives far from her, so I've seen a lot and I know it's not easy.

Your family will probably treat you like a toddler because just like most of the people, they won't know how to react and they're not prepared to take care of you if you need. It's not pity, they'll just try to show you they care and want you to get better.

I'm going to the hospital next week to check my nevus. I have lots of them, and my cousin told me I could have melanoma just by checking some of them. She is a doctor, and of course I freaked out when she said this. I'm seeing a specialist to get my answer straight. I'm scared as hell

[Bravo]

Oh, but there's my friend's father. He was going through some examinations for hernia and the doctor noticed a tumor on his lung. Barely noticeable because it was really small.

Also malignant, caught on a really early stage. He just had the surgery to remove the tumor and had chemo for a small period of time. He is already better, and his doctors said they can't even tell he had a surgery on his lung because it's 100% again. My friend told me this around april, and I took her for dinner 2 weeks ago and she told me the news.

I hope that's your case!

[Eth21]

Sorry to here, hope you get better soon!!!

I had a scare a few years ago and did my best to hide it claiming to be going to the hospital for "stomach ache" but it wasn't serious so I never got ill. Sadly though it will be hard to hide it from what I understand of the treatment. However you just need to sit down and speak with your family and explain you don't want to be treated that way.

Best of luck!! And hopping for a speedy recovery!!

[Rainbowmum]

I am very sorry to hear about your illness.

A dear friend of mine hid his cancer from his family by lying ,saying his away on a holidays ,as for the hair loss he shaved his head way before chemo.

The one thing I would like you to do is have a very positive attitude about it.
People will see what you project .

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Depends on how much time you spend with family. Understand if you spend a lot of time with them they will notice your 'off days'.

Most Chemo patience have 'bad days' directly after chemo - depending on the cocktail hair loss and weight loss and other very noticeable changes take place. not all the time, there are some therapies where their is little to no hair loss. Most end up spending a day or two praying to the porcelain god after chemo (vomiting).

Weakness, lethargy and pale skin even yellowing of the skin takes place. Fever, chills, sweats - not too uncommon.

If hair loss takes place, its pretty complete, not only do you use the hair on your head, you lose eyebrows as well. That is an easy cover if you are woman, make up - not so easy if you are a dude.

There is a certain smell to chemo patients as well, thus if a family member has been around a chemo patient that alone may tell them. I have a sensitive nose and have been around chemo patients several times, I have noticed that the scent drops three days after a session, but its still there lightly.

As for family. Lets be a bit practical here.

Understand I do wish you all the best and I hope and pray that you end up on the right side of the statistics, however I have worked with sufficient number of terminal patients to know that there is that terrible wrong side.

Plan for the worst, hope for the best. And this applies to your interpersonal relationships with your family. Hope that you end up on the right side of the statistics, but do live like today is your last day on earth (which applies to everyone no matter their health) and try to forsee how this could play out and consider the legacy your refusal to include these people who love and care for you in your live during this traumatic time.

Lets say you do go through chemo and you land up on the wrong side of the statistics. Then what? You tell your folks, "I have cancer and I'm dying, I already did chemo and I have X amount of time left...."

They will catch on that you knew X number of months already with this in treatment and you didn't tell them. Now you are dying, in their mind you denied them the chance to spend as much time with you as possible.

You pass on and they are left for the rest of their lives trying to figure out what they did wrong, didn't they love you enough? Did they say something wrong once? Why did he hide this from us? Why didn't he want us in his life?


How would you feel if your Mom or Dad or Sibling did something like that to you?



Now I wonder, is being babied and overly loved (smothered) really that bad compared to the potentials here?

Again, I do hope and pray you end up on the right side of the statistics.

[southbiochem]

First of all, sorry such a crappy thing happened to you..

Second, I'm not all together sure hiding it will be the best should it get (and hopefuly is doesn't) worse..

so anyway, you'll be left fairly weakened after chemo, and you'll probably lose hair...some days are worse than others....more likely than not if you see your family in one of your off days they will notice..you will need to be very much alienated from them and from anyone who might know them during that period...unless you "go on a vacation" they will see right through it..

quite frankly it's too much to control while also fighting cancer..

I would advice you otherwise

[MisterTinkles]

If its something that can be treated, yes, you should be able to hide it.

Some of the ways I have heard cancer patients "hide" their illness:

If someone comments on you being sickly or "down", tell them you are getting over a cold or that your allergies are flaring up.

Hiding hair loss - shave your head, wear hats, wear wigs/toupes.

Pale skin - there are many "bronzers" on the market today, you just have to find one that will look real on you and use it. You can usually get samples through company websites by asking for them.

Do not eat processed or fried foods at all. Keep it as vegetarian as possible, and as raw as possible.
Eat a lot of dark green veggies. Spinach especially, kale, and seaweed are even better. This supposedly helps with keeping you feeling good, and your skin looking good.

Eat a lot of raw onion, garlic, and jalapenos. They have enzymes in them that are extremely beneficial for enabling blood to get a boost to handle such things as viruses, infections, and even cancers. They dont cure, but there are some stories I have heard about people eating raw onion everyday for years, and they believe doing that has kept it from spreading or from reforming once it has been removed.

But I would research those stories, if you decided on going towards a holistic approach.

As always, talk to your Dr. about anything you want to try.

The only other thing I can think of, to keep it from your family, is to just not see them as much.
And when you do, keep it down to "short and sweet" visits.

Good luck.

[Woollyhats]

You don't have to let your family run your life. With that being said, it's still hard.

You can hide the cancer by having your boyfriend up to date on your plan and not mention cancer (or anything related) as much as possible... when you must mention something, the cancer treatment becomes work, vacation, etc. The symptoms become the flu, balding, etc. You might even go for the cover up approach and use wigs, make up, etc. I kind of recommend this because it might improve your self esteem if you show symptoms of chemo, though not entirely for the hiding purposes .

To be honest though; not a good idea... If anything goes wrong, your family will be devastated they didn't get to spend that extra time with you. They're babying you because they care.

[Anonymous]

Well, actually I've not thought about the worst outcome, although, of course, I do realize that I might die. My boyfriend doesn't let me to mention a word about death. If I start to tell him something about death like "If I die, then...", he's just like "you won't" and immediately tries to turn my mind to other things. He doesn't let me to have bad thoughts at all.

About my family, I know it would be better if they wouldn't know. Because I know what would happen if they did. They would call me day and night, my parents would definitely be willing to move in with me and my boyfriend. I would become the weak and helpless invalid boy, who's not able to even go to the toilet without aid. Probably they would even want to put me in the hospital. My mother is so emotional that she would spend her days crying about me. I'm the youngest child in our family and I've already been babied enough. It was a tragedy for them when at 21 I moved out to start to live together with my boyfriend.

If someone of them chose to hide something like this from me, I would seriously understand.

I believe that during the chemo what I'll be needing the most will be peace. I don't want hysterical, crying people around me.