Long story short, didn't come out until I was 44 and after being married with one child, finally found a wonderful man. We live about an hour drive away from each other and have been dating for almost 5 yrs. The thing is I would have to move to his area, which would mean selling my home, changing jobs which is scary at my age. His parents live with him and for cultural reasons I don't feel he would leave. I would have to move in with them and he isn't out, cultural again, but I do love him and he is a wonderful person. I afraid I would end-up unhappy living there and I don't want to up root my life and end -up alone or don't and lose a wonderful man. HELP
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Either way you choose you lose something.
Either you lose him, or you end the life that you currently know and get all of these extras, closets, parents, culture, blah.
Its not like there is a third 'win win win' option.
You need to decide where you are willing to compromise (give up something) in order to get the other thing.
No one can make that choice for you.
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Other options you might consider:
Selling both homes and moving into one that is between where both of you are. A house with bedrooms on opposite sides of the house, so his parents have their side and you and he have yours.
Or
Get two smaller homes next to each other, the parents get one and you two get the other one.
That way he is right next door to them, but you still have your privacy.
And if you are so enabled, sell one home and rent the other...or rent both homes. At least both of you would have some extra income then. There are some real estate management companies who do this sort of thing for people who want to rent their homes, who dont want the headache of doing all the rental work.
As for the personal aspect of it, both of you have to come to some terms with what both of you want and expect. Otherwise you both wont be happy.
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Renting my home has been discussed, Thanks again
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I agree, but my problem is in my heart I don't feel he would move from his parents and I don't think I could live with them, so like Bowym stated there is no win win answer, it's just breaking my heart.
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do you "feel" he won't move or do you know he won't move
have you 2 discussed this...
cause it's one thing to make compromises, let's say leaving your job, but if you're going to be living with his whole family........I'm not sure..
besides if your not sure you'll find a job how are you 2 supposed to live?
I would say that needs to be taken care of before any moving..
and you should definitely ask him directly about it, get a clear picture
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We have discussed it and never come to a decision, and yes he has basically said that he wouldn't let his mother live alone. His father has had a stroke and in a nursing home. Thank you for advice
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I'm a : Single Gay Man
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You say it's a cultural thing. it sounds like he is not willing to put you, or himself, first.
Unless I misread your post, he is not out to his family. If he never comes out, you will spend the rest of this relationship in the closet and facing things like being along on holidays, being his "dirty little secret" and any resources you have as a couple, a portion of them may end up going to his mother.
Think long and hard on this.
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