ok so i went on a date Monday with a guy who is 23 and at the end he said he would prefer friends, but noted that it wasn't because he wasn't attracted he said he was.
but anyways we both where at the college LGBT group called gigsoc, were we were all having wine and me and him spent the hole thing together. after a while we all went to a gay bar were i was very tipsy and i was flirting with him but he didn't notice as he can't pick up signs.
but anyways the others noticed i still was attracted and told me to tell him so when he was going for a smoke before we went home i went out with him. he was a bit tipsy, so i told him and we ended up kissing.
the he offered for me to go with him back to his house and i said yes, so we walked back to his. when inside we go to his room, before anything happens he gos to the tolet and when he comes back i go.
when i got back we got undressed and start kissing but then he falls asleep as he was very tired and i stayed the night.
so well my problem is i don't know where we are and hes no help says we should think and just go with the flow even though im not sure whats going on between us are we friends or is there a possible interest of more from him.
also people where pointing out the age thing, its only 4 years not that important to me but what is ur guys opinions?
also what move can i make or showed i wait and see what happens?
thank you for reading
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He's saying 'go with the flow', usually means he isn't sure or isn't interested in regards to the relationship part, both are reasons for him taking things exasperatingly slow.
Either way, you have to find out if anything is possible with this guy by being a little dominant and making an honest straight forward move. You've gone on dates, and you have a life too, it's not fair to be strung along forever.
This said: It's only been a week. He may require some time, which is normal. So by 'make a move', I mean showing interest in more dates, and if they seem to be going well, push for the going steady deal.
You do need to find out if you should really be putting in time or not in this, so being forward and upfront is always a good thing.
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Generally, four years of difference at your age shouldn't be very important. You are now an adult (at least for the law) and so is he. Both students, I'm guessing, so why not see where it goes.
At first, a relationship is difficult to define. You'll have to wait a few months before you can decide where the two of you want to go. Whether you want to stay together and have a go at a serious relationship or whether you want to go your separate ways, it's very much a question of how the chemistry unfolds.
At first, your friend wanted to be just friends, I understand, and maybe that's where this is heading, if you don't mix in too much sex and if you don't mix in feelings, then it's ok, I reckon, to have a friend, be it with occasional benefits. From what I understand there wasn't any real sex, just kissing, which, because he was tired out, didn't even last.
For things to be a little more obvious to you, you really need to think about this when sober. What do the two of you actually share in terms of interest? What's the magic link that would ultimately keep you both together as a couple? Those are the things you need to reflect upon, and talk about, eventually, for there to be any kind of romantic (and sexual?) future.
Can you actually tell us how YOU feel about the whole affair? Where would you like this to go?
Take care of yourself.
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Wow...........you are in college and you cannot spell words correctly or make working sentences?
How did you get into college????
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Anonymous, that was unnecessary, and not really helpful. Some people have spelling difficulties, get over it.
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SECOND last poster is gutless.
OP - What I would get from someone saying 'go with the flow' is 'I don't think anything will come of this so lets just have fun.'
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Go with the friends thing and see where it goes if that suits you?
In his mind the "friends thing" will help relieve the pressure of what he really thinks and at the same time gives him some comeback.
But under no condition do you put your life on hold while he is figuring out what to do. Make yourself busy and go out and enjoy yourself. Let him come to you. Don't text or email him unless he initiates. Maybe don't always be so available either?
If you initiate contact I think he will start running.
This guy is interested but is thinking too far ahead and is scared of losing control.
In the final analysis it is he who will decide whether he wants to take this further. If he decides against it there is nothing you can do except hurting yourself. If he goes with it he will come to you.
I have come across this many times and while I don't agree with it I don't make the rules but being Irish as well I understand it.
The one thing against you is that you slept together on the first date (ok without incident) and that generally means NSA and good luck.
So to summarize:
Get on with your life. Don't initiate contact and let him come to you if he is interested.
This probably isn't what you want to hear but it is the situation as I see it.
Hope this helps?
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I agree with the last poster to an extent.
I would advise you against initiating contact as to me the guy is likely to run.
I feel he is scared of getting involved but he may come around.
Going to bed with him after the first date was not the best move you could have made if you wanted a relationship.
Do your own thing and let him come to you if he is interested?
If he does - great?
Good luck
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