In doubt, help

[Anonymous]

He says in facebook he likes women but is he gay?

That is my question. He is a friend i know for many years (like 17) and he is 22 but has NEVER had a girlfriend, and very rarely talked about women. He isnt queer acting, he is handsome and smart so i wonder why he has never date a girl, shyness would be a very hard reason, because he isnt, he is outspoken.

Im not out of the closet completely and he doesnt know im gay BUT tha other day i was out with a guy in the mall and i ran into him, we chated a bit and he asked me what was i doing, i just said "hanging out with a friend". We hadnt seen each other for 7 months or talked throught the internet, that was 2 months ago, since then he started talking to me through facebook and always asking how was i, what was i up etc.

The other day i went with my brother to a bar for a friend of his birthday, the next day when asked by my friend what have i done last night i told him, he said "omg i cant believe you went to a bar" (i dont like bars, and rarely drink) so he said we should go to a bar.

He is about to finish his career in engineering and he told me he is moving to the capital, where it is not unusual for "straight" men to go live gay, so my question is, could he be gay?

[MisterTinkles]

Some people take "liking women" or "liking men" as an observation, not a solid concrete item.

He may think that its a more generic description of people, than a personal preference.

If he is using it as a personal preference, then he may just be scared and not want to admit TOO much in a public forum. OR....he could have clicked on the wrong item.

If he's your friend, then you can ask him about it.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Ah yes, the engineer part here screams 'GAY'....

No seriously there is no clear indicator of a person being gay until they say so, or they are partnered with a same gender person.

He is an engineer, school? Perhaps he put off dating and stuff like that to focus on his studies?


Oh, and just because a person is outspoken does not mean they ain't shy. I know many social butterflies (very extroverted in appearance) who can't approach a love interest due to chronic, terminal shyness. A lot of introverts learn to overcompensate and become the life of the party, while on the inside they are terrified of meeting people.

And just because he is outspoken doesn't mean he is free of commitment issues. Meeting people and making 'friends' with them is not the same thing as entering a committed relationship with a person.

If you want to know if he is gay then come out to him. He will either respond positively to that and announce his own LGBT standing, or he will run screaming for the hills announcing that he is straight and terrified of 'the gay'. In either case, you get the answer you seek.
And just because he hasn't been in a relationship with a woman doesn't mean he isn't scoring hundreds upon hundreds on the sly. It only indicates that for some reasons or another he hasn't gotten into a relationship.

[princealbertofb]

Sometimes, people stay single because they are concentrating on other things, like their studies, as has been suggested. And sometimes it's just because they haven't found that right person.
Depending on how a person was raised, it might take a while before someone gets a partner, a girlfriend or a boyfriend.
There is, as Bowyn said, no indication that this guy is batting for our team or for the other team. If he says he likes girls, it may be true, but it may also be a cover up.
I think the only way to find out if he's interested in you in another capacity than being a friend is if you are honest with him and tell him you are gay, or mainly interested in male romances..
I take it you are male, Anonymous, right?
Once he knows on which side you are, he can decide to come out to you, or not, but at least he knows where he stands with you.
If this is still too new for you, just go with the friendship until you know him better.
It is possible that he has had a relationship with a girl and that he's kept very quiet about it. Some people are very discreet with their private lives. I suppose you should respect that aspect of him, even if he's very outgoing with people in general, like other male friends.
Good luck finding out.

[southbiochem]

staying single is not an indicator of being gay...

there is need for more info than what you provide..

as always, you can ask him directly "is there any particualr reason to stay single?"

othet than that it could go either way

[Anonymous]

So i went last night to a bar with him,we both got a bit tipsy and eventually the question came, he asked me how the girls treated me, so i said "hun i dont swing that way", he put such a face of surprise, and got quiet, fortunately there was a live rock band so silence wasnt a problem.

After a minute i kept talking to him about me being gay and he started asking questions like "since when", but it all turned out ok we are friends and he says that even thought he has never had a gay friend he is happy to be my friend.

Then i asked him what was his deal, is he gay? Nope, aparently he has a long distance relationship with a girl on the other side of the country, so all was well in the end. Loud music, cold beer and good company

So we drank 3 liters of beer each and now i have an spliting headache xD