My misguided quest for love

[NayNay]

My youth has shown how fragile the word love can be. Growing up, I saw many different kinds of love. I have seen many lovers fall apart, many friendships break and family torn apart. After seeing the sadness that came from many love hardships, I told myself I would not go down the same path.I I felt as though I would have to carry many of the world’s troubles, in order to bring balance back to love. There is one key ingredient that I forgot that makes love essential that I completely ignored. I forgot what it is like to be loved. As much as you can love someone, it is just as important to be loved back just as much, in order for love to work.

Love should not cause you to suffer while the other one flourishes. I got lost in the idea love. I got lost in the picture that I drew in my mind, and lost touch with reality. The reality is, there are many different kinds of love in the world. Love from your friends, family, spouse, co-workers, even strangers. We are all connected in one way or another and whether we like to admit it or not, we are all connected in love. Love is what you make of it. It is what you tell yourself. It is what you let your thoughts believe in your mind. What I am getting at, is there is this one saying that I believe to be true to this day.

"All you need in life, is love".

I thought, that all you needed in life was the love from the one you hold dearest. That could not be farther from the truth. It is easy to misinterpret the meaning of a sentence. Pick one word and there could be multiple meanings to that word. It has taken me quite a while to understand what this sentence means to me but I believe I am beginning to understand. As long as I have love in my life, there will be happiness. Where can I find this love? Well, there is more than one source of happiness. Like I said before, family, friends, a stranger etc… There are plenty of ways to find love, all you need to do is reach out and grab it.

I spent all my time, all my love, on someone who could never give me back the love I needed. Instead of reaching out, listening to my friends and accepting the love of others, I shut it all out. I did not want to accept that love can come in many forms, and that it is perfectly alright, to be single. Being single, does not mean you are alone. It does not mean that your not loved, and it does not mean you are not worth it.

If you place your happiness based upon one person, you will get hurt more than you can imagine. You need to appreciate the fact that there are many different forms of love in the world. When there is a lack of one type of love, you can find that other types of love can make up for what construe in your mind as ‘missing.’

I am beginning to heal. I always tend to learn everything the hard way. I try to figure it out by myself. A lot of us do. The best thing I have ever done, is admit that my love for someone who does not love me back, got to a point where I could not handle it on my own. I went out, I got help, and now I can start to heal.

I hope I will never forget, that love will always surround me, and that love can always be enough.

I will be posting more of these thoughts on my tumblr. Just thought I would share this one here because you have all been so supportive.
http://marenaissance.tumblr.com/

[MisterTinkles]

Just remember...............

You need to be best friends with yourself, and love yourself, before you can fully offer that to someone else without reservations.

[NayNay]

Just remember...............

You need to be best friends with yourself, and love yourself, before you can fully offer that to someone else without reservations.

You said it! That is what I will be working on now

[MisterTinkles]

You said it! That is what I will be working on now

YeahYeah NayNay!!!!!

[Evan88]

You have a very positive disposition...

I am happy you are in a better state.

[mbennet35]

[EvenOlderButWiser]

There is never a misguided quest for love.

The old saying goes "better to have loved and lost than never loved before" so in my eyes the fact that your getting out there at all should be viewed as a very positive thing.

You also have to kiss a few frogs before you find the one to keep, so just chalk any failure down to experience, learn from any mistakes and move on after a suitable recovery period. Just try and enjoy the moment while in any relationship.

No one said finding love was going to be easy, but your doing the right thing as far as I can see

ObW
X

[southbiochem]

NayNay: if your hardships have brought upon you this wisdom, I must say you're on the right path.

Don't cease to take care of yourself, to come to love yourself as much as others surely do. As much as GS people do.

There is something about loving who you are (without being conceited of course) that attracts people, so, when time has passed and you have come to a place even better than the one you already are, a man will notice you for this.

You are correct in saying love, couple's love, needs work and dedication, but it needs it from both parts, not just you.

Keep up the good work, back then when you admited you had problems and decided to ask for help, THAT was the hard part, and that is over.

Now it's time to flourish mile:

[missourigaymer]

A beautiful post, thanks.

[NayNay]

I have struggled like I never struggled before with this break up. One thing I realize now, that I should have known a long time ago, is that when you are hurt in love, you need to reach out for support. I waited too long and now I have to deal with my anxiety, which has gone off the charts. The hardest thing for me, was to admit that I needed help. I did not want to bother anyone, I felt ashamed. I did not want to admit, that I could hurt so much.

Perhaps your right, the quest for love is not misguided and I should be more willing to learn and grow, rather than being resistant to the truth. I am going through the truth of it all now, and boy, is it ever hurting. I will pull through though, because now, I am not going to let myself try and deal with this alone. I have family and friends who can help me figure this out, a good support team in the medical field, and a clean slate of physical health. I will get through this.