My mother just called

[elad12]

So I am out to my whole family: brothers, sister, nieces, nephews. My father has passed on but my mother is still alive and remarried. She is so right winged and religious that I've just never told her I am gay although I consider it now and again. Yet she is like 88 years old so I always think "whats the point". We don't have much of a relationship other then a very superficial one.

Anyway she called a little bit ago and after awhile she said, "Well, there must be something exciting you can tell me."
I said, "not really."
Then she said, "Well just make something up."
So I said, "Oh, I'm getting married."
She actually believed me and said, "What! Really?"
"No ,you said make something up"
"Oh" she laughed,"Well whats her name?"
"I didn't say it was a her."
She then gasped and said "Dale! Don't you even say such a thing!"
That was kind of the end of the call but I guess I can see once again why I've never told her. I've thought of telling her just to piss her off sometimes but would never want to use my truths in that way.

[Woollyhats]

She's so old and you never talk.. She'll be gone shortly. I wonder if worrying about telling your mother is really anything That even matters

[matty7]

im sure u must want to tell her but at 88 and with just the tease and her reaction then maybe its just nice to let it go ,,, and if your out to everyone else then I guess they all must think that not saying is the best thing for now ,,hopre ur ok with what ive said though

[southbiochem]

She's 88...meh

Besides you already know how she's going to react. Not worth it to have that sour moment for either of you.

You are happy with yourself and that's what matters most.

Keep that in mind and enjoy your life, you've earned it.

[Bluelight]

I know a man in his 70's who never felt the need to tell his mother, or at least that's how he put it. She lived well into old age without ever having known that her son was gay. Ironically, she supposedly despised all of his "girlfriends" when he was younger and still into women.

[nfisher1226]

I have somewhat similar feelings about a lot of my family, although my mom would probably be accepting. Except with her living in Florida, and my not really enjoying her company much, I just don't feel like making the effort to have that conversation.

I think that you could safely just let her live out her remaining days without the knowledge at this point. At any rate, it's an interesting anecdote.

[MisterTinkles]

I can guarantee that she already knows, and lives in denial.

So sad for you to have lost your mother so long ago to ignorance and stupidity.
But I really cant blame her too much. That was what she grew up with when she was young - women were not allowed to show true feelings or have their own opinions, unless they were wealthy matriarchs. Women were "seen and not heard". Even though women in the 60's had "freedom" to get jobs, and wear short pants, shorts, mini dresses, and such....they were still made to believe they were restricted mentally. If it did not benefit anyone, the thoughts/suggestions/ideas got buried in the back of your brain and psyche'.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

At 88 you don't really need to rock her world. Besides the rest of the family know, which is a good thing right?

I told my mom about 12 years ago. It took her 5 years before she even sent a Christmas card that named my SO (we had been sending her a card from both of us for years)

She's 87 now and from a different generation in so many ways. No point in rocking her boat as they say:-)

OBW
X

[PenguinPecker]

If you don't have much of a relationship with your mother, then why tell her?
If everyone else knows, then maybe that's all you need. Or, if you tell her, you should know that you still have the rest of your family to back you up. If you tell her and worst case scenario, she doesn't want to talk to you anymore... well... I hate to say it, but is that really a bad thing? You already don't talk much. I know it's harsh to be completely removed from your own mother's life, but you should do what you think is best and just remember that the rest of your family is there for you!
I'm terrible for advice but I try. So, please think about it and just do what you think is the very best for you!

[marshlander]

Sad story. Best wishes to you.