Awkward Tension

[Anonymous]

Hello. I'm in need of some advice. First, story time.

I met my current boyfriend, let's call him L, over 5 years ago. I really do love him and he loves me, but we've had a lot of problems in the past. We've broken up and gotten back together multiple times, like maybe over 5. Usually when we do fight and break up, I just sit around enjoying the single life until I miss him so much that I beg for his forgiveness and we get back together. But one time, I actually met another guy who we'll call P. My current boyfriend L is pretty feminine and twinkish, and even though we love each other, we're kind of opposites. But P's a lot more like me. We both love sports, video games, action movies, and a bunch of other guy stuff. At first we were just friends, but it soon turned into much more. We were starting to fall in love and actually got together officially. Before P, L was the only boyfriend I had and fell in love with.

Things were going great for me and P, until I heard that L was assaulted and sent to the emergency room. I was really worried about L, so I went to see him. P understood and let me have time with him. I took care of L until he was all better. Spending time with L brought back old memories and I was starting to fall in love with him again. I actually ended up sleeping with L and cheating on P. I felt horrible about it then and I still do. I told P what I did and of course he was furious and broke up with me. So, with that, I got back together with L. Somehow, and I still don't know how I managed to pull this off, I talked to P about staying friends and he agreed. Even though I'd cheated on him, we're still friends....

Now back to the present. L and I are doing great together and P and I are still friends. We just hang out, watch sports, play basket ball, etc. But I've been noticing that P isn't quite himself. He's not as happy around me as he used to be, and for obvious reasons. I've tried talking to him, asking if being friends is going to be too awkward and not work out. But P insists that he's fine and he wants to stay friends. Even though he says that, I can read on his face that he's not happy around me and he's just pretending. Maybe I'm reading him wrong, but I don't think I am. Now I'm not sure what to do. Part of me feels like I should distance myself from him, like for his own good so that maybe he could meet someone else. But the other part of me feels like that might hurt him even more, and that's the last thing I wanna do.

What should I do about P?

[CellarDweller]

It's possible P is thinking that if you fell back in love with L, perhaps you'll fall back in love with him. Sounds like P is having a hard time accepting he was the rebound guy.

What can you do about P? YOu have to accept the fact that you hurt him in a major way, and that no matter what he says, it won't be the same between the two of you.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I think, for P's sake you should reduce the frequency of seeing each other.

Be gentle at first, but the only way for both of you to move on is for you to sever all contact. If you don't, not only do you risk hurting P more, but there is always the risk that you may end up doing something with him (even something innocent) that may be construed by L as something more than it actually is.

If you truly value what you have with L, complete separation from P is really the only way for this to get resolved. In addition, despite what L may say, how do you think he REALLY feels inside, every time you meet P. I know how I would feel.

Good Luck,
ObW
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[Woollyhats]

You should let P go completely, he misses you and cannot be with you. Hanging out with him and continuing your friendship is teasing and hurtful to him.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the advice guys. It'll be pretty hard just dropping him as a friend though.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

Thanks for the advice guys. It'll be pretty hard just dropping him as a friend though.

Thats why I suggested being gentle with him. Just gradually reduce the amount of times you see him by coming up with excuses on why you can't meet on a particular day/time etc.

Gradually the frequency will fall away.

ObW
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