Socially awkward Mr. Mike . . .

[MikeW]

I've always been introverted. I can be very sociable and talkative with people that I know. With strangers, though, it is very difficult. Or, at least it feels that way to me.

Today I took a coffee break and walked from my office to the local Peet's. After the barista handed me my drink I walked over to the bar for my half and half. As I approached I saw there was another man there wearing running shorts and a T shirt. Unlike SO MANY people around me -- mostly students at the university -- this guy was a) attractive and b) at least somewhat age appropriate. Definitely younger than I am but still, I'd guess somewhere between 45 and 55. All this went through my mind in a split second.

I sort of live in my own little rock and roll fantasy world. I seldom interact with anyone IRL except at work. So, I'm getting my half and half and this guy asks me, "Do you know anything about honey?" I must have looked at him with a rather puzzled expression so he went on, "I heard that if you pour honey into a cup of hot coffee it turns into some kind of poison."

"Well, I've never heard that," I said, "but then again all sugar is 'poison'." I could see he was contemplating that so to lighten the mood a bit I added, "not that I don't use it; I figure if I don't abuse my body somebody else will."

I've finished what I went to the bar to do and there really isn't anything more to say. I felt the guy *wanted* to say *something* more (could be my wishful thinking) but what followed was just this tiny bit of awkwardness between us before I finished putting the lid on my coffee and walked out the door.

What bothers me is how uncomfortable I feel whenever I find myself in these little "in passing" conversations with total strangers. A part of me feels like I *ought* to know how to be at least a tad more sociable and inviting. I mean, here was another human being -- an attractive one at that -- who bothered to speak to me. Granted it was an ODD subject of conversation to begin with but still. What I really wanted to say was, "DAMN YOU'R HOTTER THAN MY COFFEE, WANA HANG OUT SOMETIME?"

[Uneunsae]

Ah, I know the feeling.

[East]

WOW....my lover could have written this...

I like introverts and I think this quality in my BF is charming. So do a lot of other people. There is nothing fake about your brief encounter...a lot of people appreciate that. I wish I was more like that .... I constantly wish I would STFU

[LJay]

Mike, you could have tried something like, "Well, if you try it, I'll sit here and watch and we can see if works like hemlock did for Socrates."

[Kenny221]

Honestly, introverts are just adorable. It's almost sorta like a charm.

Well Mike, the advice you gave me a few months ago was to put myself out there because you won't know unless you never try. Who knows, maybe you'll bump into him again soon!

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Contrary to my long winded semi-senile ramblings when it comes to posting, I would have been far more aloof and never would have make the whole 'I figure if I don't abuse my body somebody else will.' quip.

Yes introversion has its crippling side to it. And yes there is always the whole 'I shoulda, coulda, outta' aspect there where society has taught introverts that there is something wrong with out silence and being a bit more picky about how many 'friends' and how many real friends we keep in our social circle.


I have a couple decades of therapy which panned out in dealing with and overcoming introversion... I fear that any advice therapists gave me didn't really work out so I am reluctant to pass those on.

But I don't need to pass them on, since there are many, many many sites on the web that reflect similar theories and suggestions: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=how...troversion


I would, however, like to urge you to take a coffee break at the same place every day at the same time for the next two weeks.

I also suggest you arm yourself with some facts about heating honey: https://www.google.com/?gws_rd=ssl#q=hea...on&spell=1

Just in case you bump into him again you can show that he asked you an interesting question which you felt compelled to learn more about.

[MikeW]

Thanks for the links on honey, Bowyn . . . Interesting! Basically I do go to the same coffee shop more or less at the same time every Thursday. I don't recall having seen him before but you never know!

Kenny, putting myself "out there" is something I'm hesitant to do for a lot of reasons. Unlike you young fellas, I'm not really interested in finding a relationship. Sort of been there, done that, you might say. Now, an FWB, that might be ok, but I'm skeptical. I say that based somewhat on recent experience. A few months ago (through a strange turn of events) I met this guy -- 43 as I recall -- who was specifically interested in older men like myself. In fact, he told me, he is currently partnered with a man who is pushing 80! They have an open relationship and he told me at one of our meetings that he'd even mentioned me to his SO.

The thing is, I'm such a crusty, cantankerous, occasionally smart mouthed, old fart, very set in my ways in a many respects -- who at times can be charming, intelligent, etc. -- I -- just by being "myself" -- eventually put the guy totally off. LOL!! I'm sure, had I been a bit nicer and less 'crusty' the whole thing could have gone farther. But the truth is, I'm rather ambivalent about being sexual with anyone. I haven't in well over a decade (13 years I think). The idea of getting 'involved' with another person just doesn't interest me all that much. Moreover, I'm not and never have been someone who does random, more or less anonymous, hookups. Just not my thing.

So… It is what it is.

Still, I *will* keep an eye out for the guy. Berkeley is a big small town and it isn't unusual for people to cross paths more than once. I'm now well armed to have a conversation about honey in hot water, LOL!

Thanks for the assurances, guys!

[Bookworm]

I can totally relate, Mr Introvert and I are well acquainted :biggrin: and I have the added bonus of my face beaming like a lighthouse if anyone so much as looks at me :redface: but I'm getting quite adept at hiding my awkwardness these days and projecting an air of confidence, most times anyway (just the beetroot face to work on!)

I'd definitely go back in same time/day next week if I were you, armed and ready with with some Honey segue! Keep us posted :biggrin:

[Steve]

I get the cranky old fart bit... Sometimes I'm as subtle and sulfury as the La Brea tar pits. Move about that fast as well. Introversion is a lovely thing sometimes, it adds a touch of mystery don't you just find it?

Still I think its funny how often everyone preaches communication and talking, and then when opportunity, mind, and groin all agree, we turn into jello salad.

[LJay]

Dammit, Mike, why do you have to live in such a far away place? It would be fun to put honey in the coffee and swap stories!

s/shy old bastard