Friend/Dating Issues

[writerbry]

I seem to be really cursed because all the guys that I find attractive, seem to not be attracted to me. While, all the ones who are attracted to me, I don't seem to be attracted to. And this is the ongoing tragedy of my life. Like it gets better too because my friends come into this:

I have a handful of gay friends in real life. Like I'd say about 8 that varies from being close to super close and my life affliction has haunted me here too. 6 of them have fallen for me and really wanted to date me and/or did actually date me, but in the end I just didn't find myself attracted enough to them or compatible to them enough.

But this is where the weird part comes up, the 2 friends that haven't fallen for me, I've fallen for. And historically, these two guys really aren't even my time. Like I generally like guys around 5'10 and up, and one's 5'9 and the other is 5'6. There's more features too, but I'll get to the point. And then on the other hand, some of my friends that like me, are more close to my type.

Oh and one of my friends that liked me now has a bf and I find myself a little more attracted to him than before.

So like am I just mentally damaged here? The amount of frustration all of this causes is crazy. Could it be that subconsciously I just don't really want a boyfriend because I only like guys who are unattainable? I do have incredibly low self-esteem and body image issues, so not sure if that contributes to anything. So like help please! :-(

[Lorenzooo]

No, you aren't mentally damaged. I've had this same issue once before. I like guys who are a lot taller than me as well. With me being 5'10. It seems a bit difficult considering really taller gay guys around here are scarce. I'm sure you'll find that guy who is attractive in every way to you and he will have mutual feelings about you. Also don't be so hard on yourself. You're a good looking guy.

[writerbry]

No, you aren't mentally damaged. I've had this same issue once before. I like guys who are a lot taller than me as well. With me being 5'10. It seems a bit difficult considering really taller gay guys around here are scarce. I'm sure you'll find that guy who is attractive in every way to you and he will have mutual feelings about you. Also don't be so hard on yourself. You're a good looking guy.

I do certainly hope so! And I feel your pain. I'm 5'11 and finding a tall guy is sooooo hard! And I live in an area with a lot of Hispanic and Italian guys, so I'm doubly screwed there lol. And thank you for the compliment

[Bluelight]

This is basically the story of my life, except I have only 2 gay friends, neither of whom I'm close with at all because it's obvious that they like me in that way, and I really don't feel the same way toward them. Not to mention, the one guy is pretty pretentious, and I don't even really like him that much as a friend. Other gay guys usually don't notice me, maybe because it's not very obvious that I bat for their team, and the gay guys who I actually know don't really like me because of things that happened, which in my defense was just as much their fault as mine, but they're higher up on the social food chain, so I'm naturally the one who gets to take all the blame.

In the meantime, I hope we'll both find that things will change. Life is far from fair, but I'd like to believe that people like us get their turn too.

[writerbry]

This is basically the story of my life, except I have only 2 gay friends, neither of whom I'm close with at all because it's obvious that they like me in that way, and I really don't feel the same way toward them. Not to mention, the one guy is pretty pretentious, and I don't even really like him that much as a friend. Other gay guys usually don't notice me, maybe because it's not very obvious that I bat for their team, and the gay guys who I actually know don't really like me because of things that happened, which in my defense was just as much their fault as mine, but they're higher up on the social food chain, so I'm naturally the one who gets to take all the blame.

In the meantime, I hope we'll both find that things will change. Life is far from fair, but I'd like to believe that people like us get their turn too.

Lol, I see that you can relate. And I can also relate to what you were saying about how gay guys who were higher up on the food make you take all the blame. That was basically the story of my life when I was in Albany for my first semester of college.

But yeah, hopefully we'll find someone.

[Edward]

Well, I believe the only person who can fix your self-esteem problems, is you, unfortunately no one can help you there. In order to be liked by others, you must like yourself.

We've all gone through the period when someone we like doesn't like us back. It happens often in life and it's not a tragedy. It only means that your boyfriend hasn't come yet and is still at his way to you. Probably you shouldn't focus on all this attraction thing right now. Keep yourself busy and interest about other things. You're so young, you still have everything in front of you.

[writerbry]

Well, I believe the only person who can fix your self-esteem problems, is you, unfortunately no one can help you there. In order to be liked by others, you must like yourself.

We've all gone through the period when someone we like doesn't like us back. It happens often in life and it's not a tragedy. It only means that your boyfriend hasn't come yet and is still at his way to you. Probably you shouldn't focus on all this attraction thing right now. Keep yourself busy and interest about other things. You're so young, you still have everything in front of you.

Thank you! I know you're right on a lot of what you said, it's just a little easier said than done sometimes

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I generally like guys around 5'10 and up, and one's 5'9 and the other is 5'6

If 4" is the difference between bf material or not, then I'd say less mentally damaged but more "type" challenged. After all, what's a few inches between friends

Statistical, your more likely to find a partner, or at least partner material, within a group of your social peers, so the fact that your finding yourself attracted to other guys you know shouldn't come as a surprise. And the same can be said about them towards you.

Look on the bright side, your clearly bf material to someone, irrespective of how you may view yourself, otherwise you wouldn't have 6 of them chasing you. Some may say, lucky you!!

A few things come to mind if your on the lookout for a potential suitor:

1. By all means have a "type" in mind. We all do, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just remember that if your waiting for Mr. Perfect, 5'10", 125lbs, one blue eye, one green eye and orange hair, there is a pretty good chance you may be waiting for a bit longer than you think! Sure he may be out there, in deepest Iowa (sorry Iowans) but your chances of ever meeting him are realistically zilch. Btw, if anyone knows an online dating site where you can specify two eye colours in the search criteria, let me know

2. Are you actually getting out and socialising with different people on a regular basis? If it's the same 8 faces your talking to every weekend down the village, then I'm not surprised 6 of them have the hots for you, and you for 2 of them. Spread your wings, go somewhere different, and maybe take only 1 friend along for moral support (and NOT one of the 2 you fancy!)

3. Relationships are all about compromises. Doesn't matter whether it's an LGBT or straight relationship. Unless your going to date a clone of yourself, be prepared to compromise. I'm mean, if he's the hottest guy in the room but he's 2" above your self imposed height restriction, are you going to ignore him for the rest of the night?

4. Love can happen anytime, anywhere, and usually when your least expecting it, or even looking for it. You know that guy down the local coffee shop (the one with the blue and green eyes!) he might be the one, maybe you just don't know it. Yet......

As for the self esteem issues you mentioned. Well anyone with 6 guys chasing them doesn't have image issues. You may be a bit self conscious, but hey who isn't on a first date.

Your 19, young, free and single. Oh and you happen to be living in one of the most vibrant and diverse cities in the world.

The only thing you need is a kick up the arse. Now go get a coffee

OBW
X

[writerbry]

If 4" is the difference between bf material or not, then I'd say less mentally damaged but more "type" challenged. After all, what's a few inches between friends

Statistical, your more likely to find a partner, or at least partner material, within a group of your social peers, so the fact that your finding yourself attracted to other guys you know shouldn't come as a surprise. And the same can be said about them towards you.

Look on the bright side, your clearly bf material to someone, irrespective of how you may view yourself, otherwise you wouldn't have 6 of them chasing you. Some may say, lucky you!!

A few things come to mind if your on the lookout for a potential suitor:

1. By all means have a "type" in mind. We all do, and there is nothing wrong with that. Just remember that if your waiting for Mr. Perfect, 5'10", 125lbs, one blue eye, one green eye and orange hair, there is a pretty good chance you may be waiting for a bit longer than you think! Sure he may be out there, in deepest Iowa (sorry Iowans) but your chances of ever meeting him are realistically zilch. Btw, if anyone knows an online dating site where you can specify two eye colours in the search criteria, let me know

2. Are you actually getting out and socialising with different people on a regular basis? If it's the same 8 faces your talking to every weekend down the village, then I'm not surprised 6 of them have the hots for you, and you for 2 of them. Spread your wings, go somewhere different, and maybe take only 1 friend along for moral support (and NOT one of the 2 you fancy!)

3. Relationships are all about compromises. Doesn't matter whether it's an LGBT or straight relationship. Unless your going to date a clone of yourself, be prepared to compromise. I'm mean, if he's the hottest guy in the room but he's 2" above your self imposed height restriction, are you going to ignore him for the rest of the night?

4. Love can happen anytime, anywhere, and usually when your least expecting it, or even looking for it. You know that guy down the local coffee shop (the one with the blue and green eyes!) he might be the one, maybe you just don't know it. Yet......

As for the self esteem issues you mentioned. Well anyone with 6 guys chasing them doesn't have image issues. You may be a bit self conscious, but hey who isn't on a first date.

Your 19, young, free and single. Oh and you happen to be living in one of the most vibrant and diverse cities in the world.

The only thing you need is a kick up the arse. Now go get a coffee

OBW
X

Well, you certainly don't sugar coat things, do you? But that's okay, I appreciate it lol. And I don't really have a height requirement to clarify lol xD I just historically have gone out with taller guys lol

[BlackBaron]

I seem to be really cursed because all the guys that I find attractive, seem to not be attracted to me. While, all the ones who are attracted to me, I don't seem to be attracted to. And this is the ongoing tragedy of my life. Like it gets better too because my friends come into this:-(

i was in same situation. But now i just don't worry about it. Because I don't need love affairs anymore.
I just want to f/// I've became more cynical. I don't want to be a tragic person on thIs way. I don't want to be a gay Werther. It's easy when you are cynic.