Found a red flag

[Anonymous]

Should not have, but went through partner's internet history. Was searching for a show we'd watched earlier online. He had left laptop home. Found near 50 local searches on the local casual encounters. Noted no account had been created at said site.

Still raised multiple red flags.

This is something that raises serious concerns for me, and I am not too weak to let someone that is cheating go. I do not believe cheating has occurred, but do believe thoughts of it have been entertained. In reality, I have no way of knowing. I have never intentionally or unintentionally snooped through search history before.

Excuse offered: Was shown site by a friend. Searched for WTF value.

Given personality of partner I am inclined to believe this but am still deeply suspicious.

I am giving the benefit of the doubt, but have not encountered something like this before. This is the first red flag, and was perhaps simply some recreational browsing that I overstepped my boundaries by peeking at...accidentally.

I will be discussing this tomorrow and will be considering what to do over the next few days, when I have had time to think this over.

I am inexperienced in this and would like some advice,
what would you do and/or advise me to do?

Please be honest.

[East]

I think it is important to at least consider why you invaded his privacy. When/If you decide to address this it will be a point of contention and rightly so and you will owe him an explanation and maybe even learn something about yourself in the process.

How you decide to deal with it is up to you of course. I think it is normal to "search" ...we are a voyeur/exhibitionist society. He may just be a compulsive voyeur...or maybe he is curious about something....

Good Luck!

[dfiant1]

sorry to point this out, but the suspicion is your problem given the explanation and information that you have given us, not his.

[Ekwarph]

You don't have real evidences, so do as nothing happened. If it happened again and again, you would have an evidence.
Trust him, it's important.

[EvenOlderButWiser]

There is a difference between cruising the internet, and meeting someone for a sexual encounter. While some people may condone both, you have to remember that this is the 21st century, and online porn and dating sites are everywhere you look.

My view is that if the line has been crossed, then you have some serious discussions to have. On the other hand, if your going to storm in with accusations, then its very likely time to part company and move on.

Once the trust has gone, its extremely, tho not impossible, to restore.

Good Luck.

ObW
X

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the replies, they helped.

I know it looks bad, and like I went snooping, but I had permission to use the laptop, just to watch shows, and found the casuals by accident. These were different than porn because the casuals exist for communicating the whens and hows on where to find casual sex in my city - so it was a matter of what was I supposed to think.

But it looks like they are nothing. I confronted him immediately, and the response was good.

If no pattern develops I will take his word. If a pattern does develop, I will find out eventually, so I'm not afraid I'll miss anything in letting this go.

I have never had a problem with him before, so this won't be one.

[southbiochem]

Well, there was a little bit of privacy invasion here, hope you know that..

(Did he gave you some evidence before this, for you to do this?)

Anyway, no solid thing has happened yet. You are in the right mindset to let this one fly by for now and I bet you'll be able to tell very well if a pettern emerges, usually they come with a change in behavior.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Hmm. Some of those sites have videos and photos to jack off too... if you know what I mean. So it may be porn not finding a play-mate that is going on.

I get why you kept looking for more 'evidence'. From personal experience the real problem is when you discover they have made their own personal ads - then it gets all funky.

Since he gave you permission to look at his computer and its not like he was trying to hide these searches or website visits, I think it may be most probable he isn't doing what you may thing he has been doing.

When they start keeping secrets, deleting their web-history, password locking their phone/computer etc... then you have a problem.

[MisterTinkles]

When you are in a committed relationship, there is no such thing as privacy.....unless you are in the bathroom taking a dump or something.

If you want my advice, if rules have not been made previously, then they need to be made now.

Regardless of whether he did it or not, boundaries have to be set up in relationships.

If he's going to let his friends on his computer, then he needs to at least let you know someone else has been using his computer.

[jimbopdxus]

What is wrong with just dropping it and moving on? It is common practice for the male in any species to 'check out' the competition. Just remember who's bed he is coming home to. Just because he has a wandering eye does not mean he is prone to wander. To confront him now would only create more trouble placing you as the guilty party, not him.
Yes, it is okay to mention it. Like "Wow! those men are hot." For crying out lound, keep the conversation POSITIVE and have a little fun with it. If your relationship is strong, as it should be, then it will stay strong. Put a short circuit in it and it will burn out FAST.