Avoiding gay guys? More of a rant really

[ExpatBrit77]

Not sure what’s going on with me lately – I’m probably in a Valentine’s Day funk or something.

Background: the gay scene where I live (despite being a capital city) is pretty dire – very clichéd and cliquey (I’m too skinny/young to be a bear and too fat/ugly/etc to be a twink). And my gay social circle is fairly limited – essentially my experience has been guys are only interested in friendship if they want to fuck you as well. And since I am too old/fat/ugly/hairy etc…..well, you get the drift.

Basically at the moment am kind of in a “avoid gay guys” kind of mood. A gay friend of mine recently got together with a new boyfriend and is apparently throwing some party to introduce friends to said boyfriend. Really and truly I can’t bring myself to even go. I am single and don’t want to be; it pisses me off that said friend is a million times more good looking than me and for quite a long time didn’t frequent the scene but then of course found a boyfriend within two seconds. And here’s me on countless crappy dates with crap men. That’s when guys aren’t telling me that I am a visual abomination….

Anyway, as a result I can’t even bring myself to go to this party. Our other mutual friends are all going on about the new boyfriend *all the time* and going “oh, it’s so nice that he’s found someone”. And yes, I *should* be happy but the whole “new bf” thing is really a sore point for me at the moment. I don't particularly feel like going and making stupid conversation with the new bf because the guy will no doubt be all "oh, so why don't you go out on the scene then?" as if I'm some kind of idiot with no brain cells just because I don't go in bars that make me feel like utter shit about myself.

Sorry - it's not really in need of advice, more like a rant

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Try being 47 and skinny as in emaciated to the point where the store cashier asks 'Do you have cancer or something?'....

Look I stopped doing 'the scene' in the last century, pretty much for the same reasons you have. Everyone in the world the Gay Scene is EXACTLY like it is where you are. Its a fag thing - IDK, I don't get it, but then I'm gay not a fag... Sooooo... This means you are gay and not a fag I guess.

Perhaps the issue isn't so much that you are trying to find a mate, but that you are trying so hard? IDK.... A lot of people seem to go with the idea that if you are looking you are desperate and no one seems to like desperate...

Instead of 'dating' guys, why not try making friends with people - all sorts of people, gay, straight, bi, male, female, old, young - fat, skinny, bears, twinks - you know.... everyone?

Aim for friendships, not for lovers, see what that does for you....

[EvenOlderButWiser]

You need to stop trying too hard and being so hung up on getting a bf. Your 36 not 56!

I didn't get my bf till I turned 41, and we have been together 10 years next month so never say never!

As for not going to your friends party, well that only sends the message that your not happy for him or jealous. Stop acting like a spoiled teenager and go to the party. If you want a bf, get out there and be happy.

Potential bf material won't beat a path to your door, you have to get out there!

ObW
X

[southbiochem]

Well, I know this cause I'm a victim of that too, but "desperation" or rather the fixation on getting a BF is noticeable. And not appealing one bit.

One guy said to me once "If they notice you're overly interested in them they won't move a finger for you and you'll have to go chasing them"

I find that very irritating..I haven't even started it and I already hate the "dating scene", so I can only imagine how you must feel after trying it.

Bowyn actually made a good point.

Maybe, you should go ou there to make friends first, and not worry too much about BF yet. and then probably you'll actually find one!

[partis]

Its your own lack of confidence that is unnatractive not that which makes you insecure, i really cant stress this enough.

"Im fat"… "Im ugly"…

some people get over this and lead happy lives because they dont care and so other people dont care, when are you going to do this

its like a black cloud following you around

If you think your ugly and staring daggers at everybody you will look ugly or undesirable cause nobody wants this.

[southbiochem]

its like a black cloud following you around

Gawd...that guy said this to me too....

I suppose you and him are right then.

[partis]

Im always right southbio, even when im left :biggrin:

[East]

I was taken in once (well...many times...I am just using this one...and the last... example) from a guy who was always thinking he was too fat and ugly and "gay men" were assholes so I spent a good year + helping him see himself in a more positive light...lose weight...lose the attitude...and he had an amazing transformation. A lot of guys started having an interest in him...he thought it was the weight but I definitely think it was the attitude....

...and then he hit me with a shocker one day when he whined about the men he was interested in weren't interested in him and he thought the guys who were interested in him were "too ugly". HE was the same guy he complained about for so long....

I realized I had wasted my time. I didn't like it but I finally got it though my head that the problem was never with the other guys.

Attitude is everything IMO.

[southbiochem]

Im always right southbio, even when im left :biggrin:

Off topic:

"two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left" :eek:

so, you're just a communist anyway

[partis]

Off topic:

"two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights make a left" :eek:

so, you're just a communist anyway

haha that explains a lot :p