So then I told him I'm bi.

[Bravo]

Hey guys, I finally told that guy I have a crush on I'm bi. I didn't tell him I'm attracted to him though, I thought he would freak out if his reaction was negative.

But it wasn't. I told him while taking advantage of what my uncle said a week ago (he is a homophobe, no point explaining that now), saying I'm pissed but he didn't quite get why I was angry. So then I said I took that personally... And he sounded like he didn't want to believe he was hearing that, started to ask me what I meant and to avoid the word "gay". Then I just said "I told you my uncle was saying hateful things about gays and that I took that personally. Do the math".

He was still avoiding the "G" word, but he started asking me repeatedly if I was sure about this. I explained that I saw how people on campus (including my friends) treated a guy we know is openly gay and himself (he is effeminate, my friends don't believe for a second he is straight, and neither do I), and I said I don't want that.

I took him as an example, saying he could just let it go and pretend he didn't hear it because they're making fun of "something" he is not. And that I wouldn't like to be made fun of for who I am. Then he started mentioning some stuff his own psychologist said when he was younger, stuff like "you don't need to be if you don't want to", because people "laughed at him so much he started believing he was gay" uh huh.

I don't think he believed me, especially because I told him I wasn't sure about it because I wanted to keep my escape route. But with all this psychobabble and "I go to clubs with my friends and blablabla" bullshit he mentioned I think he might be gay. I go to clubs and get girls too, and that doesn't change the fact I'm also into guys.

Well, whatever his sexuality, I showed him I'm someone he can talk to about it whenever he needs to. He said this doesn't change a thing, and I surely hope he is serious... But I'm keeping my hopes up.

[Bravo]

So I don't really know why I posted this here hahaha I'm not asking for advice right now because I feel things will fall into place with time, and this doesn't really say how I am doing today... It's like a journal in a totally wrong place, sorry for that

[southbiochem]

Hey, I will say that this was all in all a very good start

what's important is that he's ok with that fact, so good.

He seems though as he doesn't like the label of being gay..perhaps he's struggling in admiting that to himself.

In that aspect you need to tell him soon that you were not joking, so he will know that he can also confide in you. That should lead to a good friendship or maybe more!

mile:

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Well I hope this works out well for you.

There is a big difference in alluding to something and coming out and saying it point blank.

Thus far you haven't actually said 'I'm gay' or 'I'm bi' you have only alluded to it.

Once you say it, you make it perfectly clear where you are, there is no room for denial, there is no room to pretend that you were alluding to something else.





========================================
Allude:
verb
1. suggest or call attention to indirectly; hint at.
========================================

[Bravo]

Thanks guys

I know. I kept saying I wasn't sure because I wanted to still be able to revert in case things went south.

Now that I know he doesn't really care about my sexuality I'll talk to him to makes things clear. Things didn't exactly go as planned because I decided to spit it out while I was driving and I didn't say what I wanted the way I intended to.

He got really pissed once when a guy we know called him gay some time ago. You could see the guy really meant it, probably because he was drunk... I do think he has trouble accepting it. I'm not out, but even though I accept it, it took me some time and I still have a problem saying it out loud even to people I told, so I understand what he is going through if that is the case.

[Bravo]

I just need to vent right now, I just can't seem to understand what is going on with myself or our relationship and this felt like the place to do it...

Our relationship changed... He still replies to my texts like he used to, we just don't text each other as often anymore and I even went to his place last thursday and even though I felt things were a bit different, he said it's all in my head and that we're just fine. We don't talk to each other in college, we don't even look at each other in class. Texts. That's all.

I had my hopes up for thursday. I thought things would fall into place, that maybe I didn't expect too much from this. It was too soon to think that, but I couldn't help myself. He asked me to come over to help him fix a wall. He didn't mention that when he contacted me, I thought we would just chill as usual and that he was taking advantage of my schedule (thursday is the day I can't drive my car from 7-10am and then from 5-8pm) to talk things through. He didn't mention the subject, he just kept asking me to help him with something I didn't actually volunteer for and I just couldn't go home. I almost cried on my way back home because I was so angry at him and at myself.

It's quite a shock for me, because I was hoping everything would remain unchanged... We were getting along so well and I didn't want anything to change. I knew what was at stake and I knew the risks. Now I wonder why I thought I had to tell him if I didn't want to change our relationship.

We went from afternoons together to no eye contact. From hugs and movies together to plain texts. And I'm the one who usually sends the first text, he only does that first if he is late for class. I wonder if he misses me like I miss him, or if I'm just a friend he can call over whenever he needs help with his shit.

[Bravo]

I thought I was finally getting over him, that I could just forget about the love I felt (of feel, I don't know anymore) and move on with my life... But he is someone I love having around... I miss him a lot. I miss our relationship a lot.

I mentioned I went clubbing on friday night. I kept sending him pics on snapchat for reasons I can't remember because I was too drunk and I just saw multiple snaps between us on my log. I remember he went clubbing too, we even texted each other on saturday to talk about the previous night. I started the conversation apologizing for any pic I could have sent that I would regret if I remembered. Quick conversation and I'm fine with that, but what keeps punching me in the head is why is he all I can think about even when I'm drunk? Even when I'm making out with some random girl? And why the fuck do I insist on keeping my hopes up??

[southbiochem]

He has trouble dealing with either your confession or his own grasps on the matter.

For a guy that everyone thinks as gay, most likely he doesn't want the possibility of being outed in a solid way.

If you try talking to him, in college, and he just doesn't reply...it's time to move on.

You can tell him you miss his friendship, I just don't know how good will doing that be for you.

[Bravo]

What do you mean with "possibility of being outed in a solid way"? He is starting to convince me he is actually straight, but I don't know if I think that because I want to forget the feelings I have for him or I actually believe this.