Brother is ashamed of me being gay

[marshlander]

Yes I was exaggerating for effect. I always exaggerate for affect, or to inflate what little ego I have - either way it tends to work....

Fair enough

[EvenOlderButWiser]

I'm ready to apologize to him, but I just don't know what to say. "Sorry that I kissed during your show?"

I think a starting point would just be to call him and set a date and time for the both of you to sit down and talk about it. And for this to work, you need to get off the moral high ground and take a more conciliatory approach to your meeting

ObW
X

[Bluelight]

Well, he is only 17, and the phrase that you quoted him on suggests that he's still a little self-centered. With time, he might realize the consequences of his words and actions. When I was still closeted and in denial, my younger brother made my life hell in high school; he would talk about me behind my back and then confront me about how embarrassing it was for him that people thought I was gay. Now, several years later, he has realized what he has done, and he's been trying to reach out to me, but to be honest, I can't find it in myself to forgive him just yet.

Bottom line is, if my brother of all people can accept me after the shit he put me through, there's hope that your's will eventually come around as well. Best of luck.

[Buzzer]

I don't think there's a problem with him being a dancer. He's not dancing ballet or something that's usually associated with gay. I don't know about the USA, but at least in country where I live, folk dances are very common thing for both genders, lots of guys of all ages are dancing them. I've never heard a folk dancer considered to be gay.

Clearly there is still discomfort even within your country's world of male dancing with the topic of homosexuality, enough that your brother got made fun of by his friends and peers.

I think Bowyn's advice was fantastic and you should take it.

[driftwood]

...I'm out to my friends and family - my mother, father and younger brother...
It feels completely normal to me to hold his hand or shoulders or to kiss him in public...

What kind of gibberish is this? Maybe I'm missing something. It sounds like you chose your brother's moment in the spotlight as a good time to come out to the whole town.

--------------------

I don't know how pertinent this is since it happened over 40 years ago, but when I was 18 my brother (21 at the time) came out to me. This was to me and me only. It took about 25 more years and being exposed to HIV for him to come out to the rest of the family.

Back to 1970. It upset me very much. I didn't want to believe it. I didn't believe it. He was my brother and I loved him, but I had trouble with it for months afterward.

I think it was maybe a year later that I saw him actually kiss another man. He probably thought nothing of it as we were in the Dupont Circle (DC) neighborhood at the time. I had come to terms with him being different (intellectually at least, that is to say the words didn't bother me anymore). But seeing that bothered me a lot.

A few years later, I had my first experience with a man, and my first experience with a woman. It was probably somewhere between 15-30 years after that that I actually concluded that I was bisexual.

Fast-forward to 2014, and I am amazed by how quickly everything has changed. Everything? Sadly no, not everything. That might take another 40 years. In the meantime, 17-year-olds will get heckled anytime there's any hint that they (or anyone in their family) are anything different from the norm. And keep in mind that when things have changed so much that every 17-year-old has an openly gay brother, those who don't will be heckled mercilessly. It's part of being 17. Not being strong enough to deal with it is another part of being 17.

[onegin]

Start from the most difficult Anonymous. You must talk to your brother. At least it will make you feel better I think. Just try.