Why are there so many gay men single and remain single for a long time

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Why are there so many gay guys single in their late twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, and above? The educated ones often have good career and travel a lot and eat great food. Are we creating and living a genre of lifestyle?

Because of a lot of reasons which if I took to writing them all down it would reveal to everyone - even to myself - just how bitter and jaded and totally through I am on the male species.

I prefer to live in denial, yes I admit freely I'm insane. So you wanna date? :biggrin:

Gays have it harder... Most homosexual men have problems, more often than not serious problems. We drink, we do drugs, we have social anxiety issues, depression, PSTD, anorexia, bulimia, cutting and promiscuity which is in most cases just one more form of self destructive behavior we have as a minority.

Go ahead go through our 'advice' section, and see what people say about themselves, how depressed they are, we have social anxiety disorders, we have bulimics, alcoholics, drug abusers (past and present, the present ones ain't talking much about it). Even the ones who think have their shit together go off on their little cray-cray rants and temper tantrums, their masks slipping just enough for you to see that they have 'problems'.

Oh its not be cause we are gay, its because of how we are TREATED for being gay by a predominately straight world still full of bigots.

Consider the following.

A guy says 'That car is so gay'...

Now did he just allude to the sexual preferences of the car? No he just told you that that is a bad choice of automobile for ownership.

He also told you that gay means bad, and boy if you are gay must be bad, because anything that is bad is gay...

So we don't actually need to hear that Ugandan Gays are going to be rounded up and slaughtered (which trust me, strikes a deep primal fear inside of you and makes you feel worse for being gay than you like to admit). We already have everyone telling us, not directly, that we are piles of crap, worthless, terrible, wrong, bad - whatever.

We are the most ranked minority when it comes to mental/emotional health issues. sure Blacks go to prison more often, gays go to mental hospital more often. Oh no, no one likes to talk about this... Well the bigots like to point out how crazy we are, but then they use that as a weapon to drive us to one more drink, one more cut, one more suicide attempt....

So gays (and I believe this applies to Lesbians and Bis and Ts as well to one degree or another) are all pretty much messed up in the head, which never leads to having normative healthy relationships and leads to every gay man having 'issues' few actually want in their lives.

And yes there are real psychologists who say this and have research to back it up:

http://psychcentral.com/lib/higher-risk-...ls/0006527

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC2072932/

There is also the whole marriage and acceptance of gay men.

When I entered the scene way back in the last century, I had more than one old queen tell me point blank 'OH please, gay men can't really love each other'. That belief was popular in society back then, so popular that many gays took it to be the Gospel Truth...

And whilst society stopped saying 'gay men can't love' directly, each time we were denied marriage the message was loud and clear - "Your so called love, well it ain't."

The older you are the more likely these 'truths' are deep seeded. The more likely you are to be 'insane' a little bit to a whole bit. A little tired of dealing with other people's insanity, a little bit hopeless, a little bit 'over and done' with the whole relationship thing.

[Bluelight]

Well, I've always been and still am single during a time when all my friends are dating because 1. my dating pool is shallow at best 2. I also don't fit into the "gay stereotype" and 3. other gay men can be downright cruel to each other.

[MisterTinkles]

I dont have a partner, because of all the bullshit, lies, and stereotyping that 90% of all guys have been brainwashed with while growing up. Mainly from the "gay" society itself--

*A man isn't worth your time, unless he's got a "6 pack" and could be a GQ model.
*Friends are just people who like you today.
*"Gay" people in general, are not worth being around or knowing unless they have money, a status vehicle, a status job, wear all the "right" clothes, and want to spend money on you.
*A man isn't worth your time if he does not get into disgusting sex acts.
*You aren't part of being "gay" unless you believe in the same gay stereotyped things "everybody" else does.
*An older man isn't worth your time, unless he's a Sugar Daddy.
*You dont talk about things, you just keep it all "in", and when it breaks your relationship or friendship apart, you just move on to somebody else.
*If you don't put yourself out in public and sell yourself as "gay" to the public, and for all the world to see, you aren't worth time or effort getting to know.
*You have to be the "right" kind of addict (sex, drugs, booze) or you are not "gay normal".
*If you don't KNOW and WEAR clothing and shoe designers, you are not gay, so why should anybody bother with you.
*You have to be like a politician.....every time you open your mouth, lies come out.


Oh shit, I could be here all day listing this stuff.....but you get the idea.

I do not fit into any of these "categories" that gay culture has forced itself to live by and destroy itself with.

I cant abide people like that, so I have no choice but to be alone.

The very, VERY, VERY, VERY few decent men I have met in my life that are like me, don't like me or are already in a relationship.

So, there ya go.

[partis]

Are we creating an living a genre of lifestyle ?

I think the ones who do this the most and usually the single ones, they have all girls as friends and talk walk and act flamboyant but have no idea how to be with a man in reality, its quite tragic.

And theres another more obvious explanation… because were gay. If theres one over riding thing that people take for granted about others, its that there straight, most guys dont like another guy to make an advance on them… you first have to conclude that your both gay, then guys want different things, like masculine guys who want other masculine guys, quite often saying things like " i just want someone normal, like me" although this only exists in there small masculine brains

[Sylph]

Also, some gay guys and gurls just don't wanna be in a relationship. Like it might sound odd, but it's true and while they may not be happy, it could be a personal choice, similar to what Mr.Tinkles said.

And it may not even last forever, but it really is up to the person.

I often find myself finding men gross off and on and really think to myself, would I be a good person for a relationship lol.

And let me extrapolate on 'gross', by that I mean; like all the Vanity, philandering, dirty little habits like peeing on the toilet seat(omfg ugh!) and just so on.

So I find myself just better as a solo flyer, but if I happen to come into a relationship that works and is mutually good on both our ends, then sure, but I don't think I'd actively seek a relationship, just for the fact that I'm not like desperate or in some sort of need for a man.

Besides, if you ask me, too many people, gay and straight, tend to go after relationships too soon without really evaluating themselves and learning about themselves and then wonder why they're sitting in court for Domestic violence :\

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I do not fit into any of these "categories" that gay culture has forced itself to live by and destroy itself with.

So says the jaded, bitter old queen.....:biggrin:

Who is not a stereotype... :tongue:

[austin]

[SIZE="3"]intimacy

Afraid to get close as in holding hands and kissing and not comfortable with it.[/SIZE]

[Bowyn Aerrow]

FAGGOTs! holding hands - two guys, why we need to grab the baseball bat and teach you that God HATES Fag!

Does any of that ^^^ ring a bell to you Austin?

Austin, there are reasons gay men are terrified to touch one another.... We were taught it was wrong.

Truth is that the male of the species are the ones that are deeply into touch, we gay males have just had all of this negative reinforcement by the haters for so long, we are afraid to get what we want.

[southbiochem]

I have always been thinking about this phenomenon. While we don't know exactly how much of the gay population is single, there do seem to be a lot of single gay guys and well into their middle age. The ones that I have met are majority single and have no real enthusiastic plans in getting into a relationship.

Why are there so many gay guys single in their late twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, and above? The educated ones often have good career and travel a lot and eat great food. Are we creating and living a genre of lifestyle?

What's your experience and what's your take on this

I think you partially answered your own question there.

A lot of guys out there are not into getting involved and they just want to mess around.

There are less gays in the open than straight guys...simple. Your choices are limited, dependant on how actively you are searching for them and then let's apply the filter of relationship-oriented vs sex-crazed bastard and then let's apply your standards for how a guy should be.

As you can see the number of potential partners has just slimmed down quite abit.

A lot of gay relationships also have the added external pressure. Homphobia, from the society, from within the family, wtc. Mind-wrecking isn't it?

And then don't even get me started about closeted folks...like me. That's just sending the improbability to the 10.000.000.000.000 power..

Yes, yes. I am a single gay man cause I have set myself out to be that way.

The college I went too and that offered me a job afterwards has a ridiculously large gay population. All I need to access that is to put wear a t-shirt that reads "GAY".

I for one I'm not comfortable doing that.

(Recently I broke out of that scheme with one person, the beach head has been secured. Now let's see how I go about spear-heading and fanning out of the beach head.)

I'm not sure about what style or genre of living are you talking about.

I'm not actively trying to make gays the ever bachelors if that's what you mean. I don't think anyone arranged this collectively. This phenomenon seems to follow a trend for sure, but its source is not just one but many different things regarding many different people

[Sylph]

FAGGOTs! holding hands - two guys, why we need to grab the baseball bat and teach you that God HATES Fag!

Does any of that ^^^ ring a bell to you Austin?

Austin, there are reasons gay men are terrified to touch one another.... We were taught it was wrong.

Truth is that the male of the species are the ones that are deeply into touch, we gay males have just had all of this negative reinforcement by the haters for so long, we are afraid to get what we want.

omg that's so true, like what the fuck? lol

Guys are always so touch-y feely, giving like "Bro-hugs" and bumping fists and all that bull shit, it's just their way of getting a small tweak of sexual thrill from the same sex!

Now it all seems so clear and obvious >,>