Why are there so many gay men single and remain single for a long time

[Chris]

When I had a boyfriend it seemed like all gays were in relationships and our female friends alone . I think it not depends on sexuality. Maybe gay people don't feel the pressure to get married so they look for a second half carefully.

[trywait]

I'd like to be in a relationship but it's more so on finding the right person...so far, no right person has come along

[ceez]

I would like to be in a relationship, and take my bf for long walks, on dates where we show our affection for one another in public like straight people do and not have people freak out when you tell them you're not married because you're gay and have a bf. maybe before I die I will see that time, but for now, if you tell most guys in this area you're gay their reaction is to punch you in the face. I believe that comes from straight guys fear of gay guys checking them out like they do anything with boobs on it and that all gay men are weak and feminine and will not fight back. maybe on day when I feel ready I'll look for a relationship but for now, I'm single.

[Arkansota]

I have always been thinking about this phenomenon. While we don't know exactly how much of the gay population is single, there do seem to be a lot of single gay guys and well into their middle age. The ones that I have met are majority single and have no real enthusiastic plans in getting into a relationship.

Why are there so many gay guys single in their late twenties, thirties, forties, fifties, and above? The educated ones often have good career and travel a lot and eat great food. Are we creating and living a genre of lifestyle?

What's your experience and what's your take on this

Maybe it's because I'm young and I like older guys, but that was never an issue for me. I got the guy I was dreaming of in 2 months and we have fantastic compatibility with each other.

He definitely didn't look the same as the guys I fantasized about, but he definitely looks just as good if not better than them. The trick for me was to have some traits that I wanted to have in a guy but to be flexible with how the guy presents those traits.

[Baycitybreeze]

I believe I am interested in a relationship. But when it comes to marriage, I feel very differently. It's like how Carrie Bradshaw felt when she put on the wedding dress one time and literally had to rip it apart to un-choke herself. While marriage equality is important, personally I find the heteronormative concept of marriage quite repulsive. I know that many people won't understand this and see this as sour grape. Nonetheless, I have never had a sense of envy or jealousy seeing other people's weddings. It's that classic scene of two "newly wed" people, surrounded by cheering families and bottles of champagne. Their smiles were so genuine; they seem to be so happy at that moment. I said to myself they must love each other, love each other so much that they want to put a legal framework around their love, forever related if not forever together. They love each other so much that they join each other's family and extended family, put themselves vulnerable to the other person and all future changes, certain and uncertain. Deep down I sort of felt "lucky" that I was not the one getting married.

I always felt like an outsider in these situations, often wondering why this is such a big deal, such a celebrated moment of "adulthood," such a "recognition" of personal social success. To me, relationship sounds very romantic, while marriage is bland. Relationship can be un-done with flexibility, while marriage costs you dearly when it fails. Gay men can adopt children, but their marriage was never to produce children as a primary purpose. It is inevitable to think there might be someone better down the road; there might be another awesome job somewhere across the country, another opportunity to explore a new part of the world and live a remarkable life. Settling down seems very undesirable, engulfing sometimes, terrifying occasionally.

I do feel a sense of envy when a couple holding hands walk on the beach, celebrate their anniversary, eat a nice meal out, etc. but as soon as they put on the formal wedding dress, I find my envy go away.

[gerald]

I admit that as a gay man you have to deal with more difficulties than straight men. And yes more gay men are depressed then straight because of (sometimes) negative reactions from society.
But that does not mean that you can't have a good relationship. For 20 years now I am living with my bfriend,. When you are in a relation then you have to be open about it. Most people don't care that you are gay and live with a man,. But of course I have the luck that The Netherlands are still very liberal

[Joshular]

Why are there so many gay men single and remain single for a long time?
I'd guess cos there are less gay people?

[Story]

Alot of times i really think its the lack of standards and role models gays have out there. As i think to myself about this the big thing that comes to mind is "what do you want in a guy?" Take for example in a stereotypical religious hetero mans life he knows from an early age what his standards are, what he is supposed to like and who he is supposed to date. While that doesnt mean dating is easy or too straightforward i want to relate this now to the gay population. Coming from my perspective and what I see from others my age is that because there is no real set of standards established by the gay community we all kind of develop different ideas about morals, standards etc. So where the straight guy might be comparing grapefruit to oranges the gay guy is comparing apples to squash. Theres just so many different ideals and self standards in the gay community that people have a higher risk of being not as compatible. Keep in mind that same lack of standards and role models means I see most guys not shaping up and actually being capable of handling a relationship is much later because they mature slower without guidance.
Its a complicated thought and one that sometimes crosses my head, perhaps ive made a little bit of sense and also that my ideas arent too outlandish.

[MisterTinkles]

So says the jaded, bitter old queen.....:biggrin:

Who is not a stereotype... :tongue:

I am my OWN stereotype, thank you so much!!!!!!

So STOP IMITATING ME!!!

[bootsguy]

Just like me, I haven't found the right or ideal guy for me. I am not choosy but I will just wait while I travel and do what I want to do.