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Anonymous · 03-01-2014, 09:47 PM

I need an advice about a complicated situation in my life. I'm receiving a lot of attention from a guy who's much younger than I am. He's 18, I'm 36. When we met, he was first very shy, then more friendly and finally he asked me if I'm gay. When I said I am, he then said he's gay too and he likes me very much.We have to see each other pretty much every day and he always comes up to me, asking me how am I and what are my plans for the evening. He has asked me out so many times I can't even count. I really don't understand what has he found in me, actually he should be disgusted, I'm old enough to be his father.

I've already told him that nothing will ever be between us, as our age difference is too big and he always says that age is just a number. I asked him why doesn't he go out with guys of his age and he said they are all boring and just want sex.

I really don't want to hurt him and his feelings, because he's a nice guy, but I need him to stop all this attention. He's just hurting himself. I believe partners should be more or less the same age and I just want him to understand it.

03-01-2014, 10:05 PM

You can't tell him - well you can, and he may pick up on it intellectually, but they rarely seem to understand these sorts of things emotionally until the heart gets broken...

Just keep on saying no - sooner than later he will get the message....

03-01-2014, 10:11 PM

You just tell him… what else can you do. Tell him straight. Stop being so desirable, make yourself ugly so he thinks he made the decision.

And why should you disgust him, your only 36. Alternatively you could go out for one night & see how it go’s and ask yourself if your old enough to be a dad why you are single, maybe give him a chance, maybe he needs you… its not unheard of you know… what worrys you more, this, or what people say

Anonymous · 03-01-2014, 11:18 PM

Well, I believe that many teens believe that everyone who's more than 30 years old, is so old that almost dead already.

I think it would be bad if I went out with him. He would make big hopes then and if it won't work out he'll be heart broken.

03-01-2014, 11:49 PM

Its better to loved & lost then never love at all…

My dad & stepmother are 15 years difference and have been together over 20 years, anyway this is your choice, i think your a little interested ?

Kenny221 · 03-02-2014, 01:38 AM

Honestly as long as you're interested, I think you should atleast give it a shot. Even if it doesn't work out, it's better to break his heart now then to break it later.

I definitely agree with Partis, 'it's better to loved and lost then to never have loved at all'. Who knows? Maybe you guys will work out. Maybe you won't. You won't know unless you don't try ( as long as you're interested that is. )

03-02-2014, 01:42 AM

You are right, this is a tricky situation, and there is no easy way out. While it sounds mean, I would worry less about breaking his heart, because unless you two get married and live happily ever after, it's bound to happen. But that's part of growing up and learning that not every person you are interested in will love you in the same way that you love them.

03-02-2014, 03:29 AM

Anonymous Wrote:Well, I believe that many teens believe that everyone who's more than 30 years old, is so old that almost dead already.

I think it would be bad if I went out with him. He would make big hopes then and if it won't work out he'll be heart broken.

Um if you are not interested then why bother even entertaining this idea?

I'm 47 soon to be 48. I had an OK Cupid ad up for a while during last year... I was hit on by several high teens low 20's... My own nephew mauled me with his mouth one thanksgiving - and he wasn't even drunk! (24 at the time, me 45)...

There is a lot of 'kids' out there who wants to date your ancient wallet - I mean arse... :tongue: Well the wallet thing is pretty true often enough... but there is the others that actually do want something more from you than a dollar.

I was in a semi-sorta 'on again off again relationship' with a guy in his 40's when I was in my twenties. I wish I could say because he was well off and could provide for me.... He wasn't. He was a Vietnam with 'issues. Lots of issues. On a VA pension... poor... So he knew right off that my interest was not his wallet.

What attracted me to him? his apparent wisdom. His ability to explain the world to me in ways no one else had. Oh and he was hot. The first time he looked at me and smiled my heart nearly exploded from my chest - OMG he just oozed testosterone from every pore....

And then there was warm feeling of real safety when I was around him. Understand that real safety with him was 'unpredictable' at best. but he felt safe - very safe.

You may not be aware of it, but you may be oozing testosterone from every pour, may come off as world wise with an ability to explain the world to him in ways he understands. You might represent real security to him in a world which is, lets face it, a very terrifying place to live in.

I don't know his backstory but if he had a bad childhood he may actually be more needful of an older guy in his life. And if this is the case, then your treating him nicely may be the most important thing on earth for him.

You just need to be firm and tell him no, then don't turn around and coddle him when he starts begging or whatever. That sends a mixed message.

Or.... which may be a potential solution is try a closer relationship with him, let him see first hand what a relationship is like with an older guy. I don't mean sex - not right off the bat.... But introduce him to your world, let him see first hand what being in 36 land is like.

03-02-2014, 08:01 AM

Anonymous Wrote:I need an advice about a complicated situation in my life. I'm receiving a lot of attention from a guy who's much younger than I am. He's 18, I'm 36. When we met, he was first very shy, then more friendly and finally he asked me if I'm gay. When I said I am, he then said he's gay too and he likes me very much.We have to see each other pretty much every day and he always comes up to me, asking me how am I and what are my plans for the evening. He has asked me out so many times I can't even count. I really don't understand what has he found in me, actually he should be disgusted, I'm old enough to be his father.

I've already told him that nothing will ever be between us, as our age difference is too big and he always says that age is just a number. I asked him why doesn't he go out with guys of his age and he said they are all boring and just want sex.

I really don't want to hurt him and his feelings, because he's a nice guy, but I need him to stop all this attention. He's just hurting himself. I believe partners should be more or less the same age and I just want him to understand it.

It's not a real problem to go out with a guy who's not exactly your age. The fact that you don't want is another thing.
If he's not mature enough to understand that you don't want, it's a lack of respect, he doesn't worth it and maybe you should cut off...

03-02-2014, 08:28 AM

Aww... Possibly he feels that age isn't so important to you. I know a few couples with vast age differences, but only one is truly an anomaly (in the other, one suffers from a disease that will make his natural life shorter, so as dark as this sounds they're probably going to die at around the same time).

You can keep saying no: This usually works.

Alternatively, you can explain in detail that NO, age is NOT just a number. A 20 year age difference is signifcant... and not what you're looking for. Say that this isn't either of your fault, it just isn't going to work. Then don't get into it after that, just make it clear that the answer is "NO".

Sometimes factors come into play that prevent relationships because for you as an individual they are not something you can handle. The worst thing to do would be to go out with him just to realize you can't do this, something I know from experience (you don't want this) so continue to say no since the age issue is a big issue for you.