looking for information for my parents.

[MisterTinkles]

I don't think they would go to a pflag meeting.

You can call PFLAG and have them send you a bunch of literature, or see if they have it on their website you can print out. And give what you think is relevant to your parents.

[Woollyhats]

I would highly recommend prayers for Bobby, particularly if she is religious (watch it first). You can also find inspiring videos through different sources like the trevor foundation, etc. Therapists/counsellors do go a long way in communicating feelings as well.

It's also important to get her some factual information,look through some Pflag booklets (you can easilyget them online), and print out the relevant ones for her.

If you say it's important to you, she might get around to watching/reading what you give her. You can also read/watch the relevant material with her...

Prayers for Bobby (if you'd like I can find a link to a site that streams it for free):
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1073510/

"Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay and Bisexual People" (just have this printed and make sure your mother knows where it is as a resource for her.).
http://community.pflag.org/document.doc?id=495

[LONDONER]

Someone else posted this a few days ago but you could try showing it to your parents.

[hank]

I would highly recommend prayers for Bobby, particularly if she is religious (watch it first). You can also find inspiring videos through different sources like the trevor foundation, etc. Therapists/counsellors do go a long way in communicating feelings as well.

It's also important to get her some factual information,look through some Pflag booklets (you can easilyget them online), and print out the relevant ones for her.

If you say it's important to you, she might get around to watching/reading what you give her. You can also read/watch the relevant material with her...

Prayers for Bobby (if you'd like I can find a link to a site that streams it for free):
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1073510/

"Questions and Answers for Parents of Gay and Bisexual People" (just have this printed and make sure your mother knows where it is as a resource for her.).
http://community.pflag.org/document.doc?id=495

I watched prayers for Bobby three days ago and haven't stopped thinking about it. It hit very close to home for me.

My mother, would have never said those things to me although that didn't stop me from thinking she would. And my fear kept me from saying anything until about 2 years ago. But I did feel like that and my family was very close like the one in the movie. Basically put I was afraid my feelings would have beenthe condition that was to muchand they couldn't love me. I didn't trust them. I feel bad about that. I know they will feel guilty for those things.

I don't want to make them feel guilty, nor do I want them to know I was having serious suicidal thoughts. Not yet, that will come out but I want them to know that I am just a normal person just like my brothers. It's really a minor difference that I prefer men over women and that things are going to be okay. Once we pass this I will tell them about what I went through. That all those years I faked being happyI wasreally miserable.

I am certain my mom blames herself for me being gay and that is bad enough I don't need her to know about all the suffering. In her mind it was caused by homosexuality. My sister was adopted by my grandparents when she was a baby ten years before I was born. My grand parents raised her. She is a lesbian. My mom blames her mom completely for that. For reasons that make perfect sense to her.

Most importantly I want my folks to know it's not their fault, that I don't believe they failed me.

[hank]

You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink.

They are going to have to work through the greif process on their own, there is denial, bargaining, anger, depression to go through before acceptance.

It is a process that varies in length of time depending on the individual, and regardless of their personal belief system which god they worship, which political party they vote for, and all of these other factors they will have to go through the process.

Look you didn't choose to be gay.

They however did choose to follow whatever religion they follow, to be whatever political party they are, to believe those lies and half truths about what being human is about that they choose to cling to and believe as fact.

They also will choose to listen or ignore any information that out there.

I believe I have told you of gay affirming churches. If they need a religious figure to deal with, then find one of those churches. http://www.gaychurch.org/find_a_church/

It is still too fresh in my mind or I amjust too chicken. I don't know why I am afraid of going to a gay church or a gay club. That is a big step. Though I have hada lot of support from my friends. So now I at least feel comfortable knowing that I am gay, not afraid that others will know, I am no longer embarrassed about it. There are times though that I long for the times when I thought praying hard enough would make me straight. I was so convinced back then.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

(big hug) directed at the big lug....

What you need is a pal who will pal around with you and drag you to these places. No not a boy friend, not a sex slave/FWB/Butt-Buddy whatever they are called now day - but someone you trust who can "chaperone" and introduce you to 'the scene'.

I was lucky, when I was introduced to the scene as a gay man I had my first lover with me... I honestly don't see myself ever screwing up the nerve back then to go into a gay bar... Scratch that, I don't see myself ever screwing up the nerve to walk into a gay bar even today by myself....period.

So I get the apprehension.

Now I know we have a few other people who live in Texas - I understand its a slightly large place, so I have no idea how far these folk are from you (Mr. Tinkles, quick how far are you from Hank?)

But I really really think that one or more of those of you who live in Texas need to do a physical reach out here and walk Hank into the scene. Or drag him - Mind you - you may need assistance, its my understanding that he's a big guy....

Hank, you are isolated from 'your kind' which isn't helping you to reach full acceptance. If I lived closer I would gladly go with you to those places and help you to introduce yourself to your new fan base. I'm sorry, I don't.

All I can do is send you a bit of energy and strength that hopefully will be boosting your confidence to where you can get out of the car and walk through that door... A whole new world awaits for you...

[747XL29]

Houston has a very large gay community. 28 years ago it was one of the first places I "almost" had the courage to go into a bar. The not so funny thing was hanging out outside on the sidewalk trying to get my courage up, brought some attention of the unwanted kind. Funny in hindsight. I'm betting there are plenty of organizations not based on hanging out in bars as well in the area.

Lots of options there if you are in the metro area. Don't live there now but did for a year back in the 80's. Best of luck!

[driftwood]

The not so funny thing was hanging out outside on the sidewalk trying to get my courage up, brought some attention...

This immediately conjured up a memory from my thirties. As I was walking out of a gay bar, I got picked up by a guy who had been hanging out on the sidewalk. I assumed he had been on his way in, and didn't think much of it. I found out later that he was only 16. That could have brought some very unwelcome attention.

[dfiant]

Hank, I would urge you to persue PFLAG.

PFLAG is not a 'meeting' group, it is an organisation that provides an environment for parents and friends of gays and lesbian and those who support gays and lesbians and it would be fair to assume that there are catholics, christians and people 'of the cloth' that are in various chapters of PFLAG that would be able to communicate with your parents on their level.

You just need to somehow be the facilitator that brings the 2 together.

Your parents need someone that thinks LIKE them to have a chat with about their fears

That is all really

[hank]

Hank, I would urge you to persue PFLAG.

PFLAG is not a 'meeting' group, it is an organisation that provides an environment for parents and friends of gays and lesbian and those who support gays and lesbians and it would be fair to assume that there are catholics, christians and people 'of the cloth' that are in various chapters of PFLAG that would be able to communicate with your parents on their level.

You just need to somehow be the facilitator that brings the 2 together.

Your parents need someone that thinks LIKE them to have a chat with about their fears

That is all really

Yes, I agree. They seethe rainbowsand things theywill get turned off. Maybe I should try. I just don't want it to back fire