Thanks everyone

[Drkmcnamara]

I want to thank everyone on here that has given me advice and took the time out to respond to my threads. Thanks for giving me the love I needed and a swift kick in the ass when I needed that too to wake me back up. Most importantly thanks for not enabling me to slip back into my nasty old habits when I have begun to show improvement on here.

[Drkmcnamara]

I am very concerned about my future though...there is a lot that I need to confront and my greatest fear is that I won't be able to make it in life. I am really struggling in university and had to drop a lot of classes and my gpa is not looking so hot now either and I am too late in the degree plan to really make any dramatic change. I am so worried I won't be able to get a job and that I will be broke and homeless. I am just so scared because life has so not gone the way I planned it too. I can not help but think all of these bad things about me because of the bad position I am findin myself in.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Ya know that whole life plan thing - stop it... Seriously life is going to take you where you NEED to go, and that is most likely not where you WANT to go.

You are 21 and have lots of time to make lots of interesting discoveries and mistakes and 'stuff'.

And the older you get, especially in this decade of your life, the more you are going to want to change your plans and do other things.

No one really has their crap together, everyone is just winging it - we are all character actors and playing our damnedest to not show just how scattered our crap is.

[Drkmcnamara]

Am I being the victim of me always wanting to be the overachiever and when it doesn't happen I totally lose it because my life is so not what I have planned it to be?

[findingmyway]

Not saying that you will end up homeless or that you should plan to, but if you do find yourself in such a situation, there are some resources that can help. You can look around in your area to see what your options would be. Again, not so that you can resign yourself to being homeless, but just so that you know that, even if your worst fears came true, you would be able to get through it.

[southbiochem]

You are not alone in your issues, fears and yes, the need for some tough love every now and then.

To me, venting out what you needed to, and recovering your strength is what counts.

You'll be fine. You have positive traits which you have already identified yourself.

As an advice, make short term goals, as of now, for example, getting a degree. Take it one step at a time cause worrying about years to come, while wise to consider is often too much to handle.

Short term goals will give you drive and then a sense of accomplishment when you finish them

[Drkmcnamara]

The problem is now I have just recently had another set back in life because I took a job that really was not ideal for me and I tried my best and I got axed from it last week and I attempted suicide after that happened and had to go to a hospital where they put me on meds and a follow up plan for therapy and all of that. What really worries me now is that this time unlike the other string of failures that have characterized my life for the past 3 years, I am finding my body and my mind unable to do the 180 turns that I need to get back on track. I fear that if I don't do a 180 and get some victory in my life fast I am going to lose the few people who are still with me in my real life.

[Drkmcnamara]

In order for anyone to be able to love me or be my friend I am going to have to take my life in a position that says to the world that I am a winner and not a loser. Ideally I would love to have more time for me to recover mentally but the deadlines that I have to make will not allow it.

[Bowyn Aerrow]

Am I being the victim of me always wanting to be the overachiever and when it doesn't happen I totally lose it because my life is so not what I have planned it to be?

I don't know - are you?

I think you have this impression that everyone else has it easier, better, or are somehow managing this thing called life better than you. Secret: No, they ain't.

I think you are competing against the outward image people make of themselves and have assumed you have somehow failed at life. You didn't fail, the problem is everyone wears masks to hide that their relationship is on the rocks, that they hate their job, that they are in debt up to their eyebrows - all of the stuff folk have issues with, they hide it - some not as well as others.

Take those nasty queens who said rediclous stuff about you - That is there failing, not yours that is them being all tore up because they know they are failing in their life, so they use you to make themselves feel better.

They are not superior to you, sure they may do everything in their power to make you believe that, and it may feel like it because they can be particularly mean or nasty.... but the truth is that is them trying to hide behind the mask of superiority.

Where as you THINK you are messed up, they really are messed up.

Or do you go around attacking people and being ugly at them? No? Then you are far better than they will ever be.

[Drkmcnamara]

I don't need to be a big shot anything in life to have friends and lovers right? I keep thinking that I need to be this super successful person to be able to have friends, people that like me and lovers. Honestly living under that belief is what is totally tearing me down