These are the kind of things that you really have to sit down and think about it. You moved in with this person being somewhat aware that you'll be seeing his everyday self. You didn't notice this at first or later on obviously cause' you guys didn't live together. There's a big difference when you see eachother over waking up next to the person and seeing how they are from day to night. That's where I feel like is the another stage in a relationship where many learn a lot of new things about eachother. Which is why I feel like it's much better to move in before you get married to that person. On one side, you should have a voice in this and have reason to complain about his laziness. And then on the other hand it could be something that you could get used to and just see through his flaws. It's a weigh out of pros and cons. It all depends what you value and which of the one are more. This obviously bothers you a lot, and I would see why too cause' I would hate to have to work my ass off, after I just came back from work. So you could sit down with him and just tell him what's on your mind about the situation. You definately can't Chang his habits. That's who he is and he's already grown into it. But, you could change a bit of his habit and it's possible. If he disagrees, then there's nothing else you could do. At the end of the day, if this is something you could deal with, and his flaws aren't enough to cover up the "goods" about him, then it won't be as bad as you think. It's all a matter of what you see as more important in a person.
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There is give and take in every relationship, and forgiveness. Maybe you need to step back and revisit those qualities that initially made your bf standout and capture your interest? It sounds like resentment has built and it is not letting you go. Before you can resolve this you need to let go of the resentment.
Besides the fact that you actually iron :tongue: I was surprised that your original post made a point about "his dishes." It sounds like you need to look at things with different eyes, and see "our." Living together is different from dating, and spending a night or weekend with someone. Whereas he was probably cleaning the bathroom 10 minutes before you showed up while you were dating, now you get to see his definition of "clean." :biggrin: But overall, you need to build a "we" and an "our."
The only thing I can think of is for you to spend some time independently prioritizing what you think needs to be done around the house and also the frequency of each item. Then set it aside and after a day or two, revisit it. Reflect on your expectations. Put the focus on you rather than him. Listen to the feedback he has given you, take your temper out of it and try to listen to what he has said in the past. Be honest with yourself and if you are being unrealistic. It does sound like you are trying to give him chores and it's coming across as domineering rather than working toward a common goal. You do need to respect the fact that he is working from home, and he's not just sitting around with nothing to do.
Once you've cooled down, talk with him and see if you can both agree to do some things together on a Saturday or Sunday morning or afternoon, like vacuuming and the laundry. One of you deep cleans the bathroom, the other does the kitchen. It's done. Move on.
Quite honestly, too rigid a schedule might be counter productive. Life happens. You need to live. Some things can wait. If you are spend all your free time cleaning and not putting your feet on the coffee table and enjoying just being together, you may find yourself sitting in a very clean house all by yourself.
I hope you are both able to work things out.
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If you're really thinking of leaving you need to seriously tell him that this whole not cleaning thing is a major issue for you and that it needs to change. I don't think you've made it clear enough to him.. and if it's getting to this point, where you want to leave, it seems now's the time to make it completely clear that you'll no longer tolerate his laziness.
Just my two cents.
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Yeah I just think that people who live together need to keep a nice house.
It's not enough for you to just 'accept him for what he is', he lives with you and has a duty to keep the house clean for the both of you, a shared responsibility.
I think it's unacceptable for you to put up with his 'laziness' as you call it (I'd just call it reluctance to break habit). He really needs to realise that part of being an adult is keeping the house clean and tidy to a reasonable extent.
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Why do I do it? Because apparently I'm the only one around here who thinks it needs to be done.
I also understand that I am the one with the OCD tendencies and half of my time tweaking was usually spent scrubbing my place spotless. This tells me that when I walk into the house and see a days worth of dust and go all bat crazy over the huge mess I see that its really on me and only me because I have unrealistic notions about what cleanliness is.
From reading the poster, I get the strong sense that like myself he sees one minor thing out of place, a couple dishes in the sink and he got bat shit crazy thinking the place is a disaster area.
Besides which, I don't like how the op said things like:
"However he has a job that allows him to work at home from his computer"
Which strongly suggests that the OP doesn't view his partners work as valid or 'worth while' or energy consuming.
Please to also note I rubbed in the dishes thing.
I said:
"If he is on the computer all day working, then what kind of 'mess' is really being generated here?
A few dishes in the sink and what??? "
Way back in the first post he said:
"The only thing he does is washing his dishes after eating."
From where I sit, and with all of the digs that the OP has made, it looks like OP is very much like me, a little too clean, a little too tidy and all upset because his partner ain't like him.
I'm still waiting to hear exactly what kind of mess his partner makes. I got a sneaky suspicion that things ain't as untidy and filthy as OP lead us to believe.
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He's so lazy I don't know where to begin
