Bisexuality: I do not understand it!

[Evan88]

If people would just drop the labels, then it would be much easier to understand..

Maybe some don't understand it because they never felt it. I heard an acquaintance before said "Why are there gays? I cant really understand why a boy would like something he already has bla bla"..I was offended because he doesnt know how it feels. (Of course though i just showed him a fake smile because they dont know I'm gay)..And as if being gay is a choice I made for myself

like what they say, some things are not meant to be understood, we just have to accept it because it really happens...

[Miles]

What I cannot understand is how one can be attracted to men and women at the same time.

I genuinely do not understand how this concept is confusing. The fact that this confuses people is much more confusing to me.

The things that trigger sexual attraction in people of the opposite sex and the things that trigger sexual attraction in people of the same sex both trigger sexual attraction in me - the end. Full stop. What else is there?

[VileKyle]

You could take it at face value. if someone says they are bi...just accept it and move along.

I hate when someone tries to define my sexuality for me...so I extend that courtesy to others.

It is simple really.

This.

There is no single definition to any sexuality, since every person is unique. All bisexuality means is that gender does not matter. As for why that is, each person will give you a different answer based on their experience.

Asking someone to explain away their bisexuality is like me asking you why you are gay. You may be able to start explaining your experience with it, but that may be entirely different than what Sylph or mbennet have to say on the matter. So I'm not sure why it is you say you understand other sexualities, since they are just as diverse. Maybe you understand one aspect of them, but there is definitely much more to them.

What I propose, like East said, is to try to accept it instead of trying to define and fully understand it. Unless you live through something for yourself, I doubt you will ever reach that level of understanding. At the very least, I am glad you aren't trying to explain it away through stereotypes, so you have my thanks for that.

[Wardo94]

Honestly. Sexuality is different for anybody. There isn't a solid definition for everybody cause' everyone's a "different" kind of gay. Labeling just makes it worse. Best thing to do is understand as much as possible, move along and just go with the flow.

[Cuddly]

I genuinely do not understand how this concept is confusing. The fact that this confuses people is much more confusing to me.

The things that trigger sexual attraction in people of the opposite sex and the things that trigger sexual attraction in people of the same sex both trigger sexual attraction in me - the end. Full stop. What else is there?

I don't think it's scientifically understood why anybody is attracted to anything. But to me swinging both ways just seems so strange.
I am not trying to tell people how to live their lives, or anything of the kind, I am just genuinly wondering if anybody out there has some explanaition that can make me understand how it is bisexuals view their partners and what it is that enables them to be attracted by both men and women at the same time.
I doubt the answer is "well.. I like girlish guys and boyish women", but frankly that's all I'm left with. And that is disgustingly narrow-minded, to a point where I may regret posting such an outrageous statement.

And I label things. I am all for exploring and figuring out who you are, but when you're done exploring, you get a label.

[Miles]

I don't think it's scientifically understood why anybody is attracted to anything. But to me swinging both ways just seems so strange.
I am not trying to tell people how to live their lives, or anything of the kind, I am just genuinly wondering if anybody out there has some explanaition that can make me understand how it is bisexuals view their partners and what it is that enables them to be attracted by both men and women at the same time.
I doubt the answer is "well.. I like girlish guys and boyish women", but frankly that's all I'm left with. And that is disgustingly narrow-minded, to a point where I may regret posting such an outrageous statement.

And I label things. I am all for exploring and figuring out who you are, but when you're done exploring, you get a label.

I understand that you're not trying to tell anyone how to live their lives or make normative statements, just stating your confusion - I'm not trying to judge either, I just am at a loss as to how else to explain it other than "I have both gay and straight feels."

I'm sorry I don't have anything more helpful to say at the moment, but I'll leave you with this statement, and hopefully it's something worth noodling on:

I genuinely cannot fathom NOT being attracted to both. It's as natural to me as breathing. The idea of lying with a woman or a man or even both at the same time excites me and just seems fucking magical. Man, women, and anything and everything in between (I won't get into that) can be beautiful and enticing to me. Honestly, I feel that I could turn the question around and inquire as to why someone would not be sexually attracted to one sex or the other, but I understand that most people identify as being attracted to one or the other...Sexuality is complex, so I just leave it at that. I'll stop there before I ramble too long. (I'm sorry, I admit I woke up still drunk after a night of celebration that I don't remember anymore).

[VileKyle]

I don't think it's scientifically understood why anybody is attracted to anything. But to me swinging both ways just seems so strange.
I am not trying to tell people how to live their lives, or anything of the kind, I am just genuinly wondering if anybody out there has some explanaition that can make me understand how it is bisexuals view their partners and what it is that enables them to be attracted by both men and women at the same time.
I doubt the answer is "well.. I like girlish guys and boyish women", but frankly that's all I'm left with. And that is disgustingly narrow-minded, to a point where I may regret posting such an outrageous statement.

And I label things. I am all for exploring and figuring out who you are, but when you're done exploring, you get a label.

Like I said in my last post, everyone is different. So the "well... I like girlish guys and boyish women" is actually true for some people. I can't give you a simple answer for the entirety of bisexuality, so I'll just tell you how it works for me.

I am attracted to certain personality types, which can be brought out in appearance in both men and women. For me, it doesn't matter what they have in their pants. It's not both to me, so much as either. The fact that a body is there is besides the point, although I am able to find satisfaction from either as well. I just have a low sex drive, so that is low-priority to me.

Of course, if you ask Miles, you may get a different answer. Not all of us are alike, which is why sexuality can't just be organized into nice and neat boxes for your simple understanding.


Afterthought:

I'd like to add one thing. You are viewing it from one angle, so I'd like to flip that point of view for you. You see bisexuality as both gay and straight at the same time, which doesn't fit together well in your mind. Here's my alternative: Gay is bisexuality, but excludes the opposite sex. Straight is bisexuality, but excludes the same sex. Therefore bisexuality can be seen as the norm. I'm not saying that this is the truth of the matter, but it is a good way to give you perspective and understanding.

[hank]

You don't have to understand it to accept it. I still don't understand why I am gay. But I don't have to to accept it.

[nfisher1226]

Like I said in my last post, everyone is different. So the "well... I like girlish guys and boyish women" is actually true for some people. I can't give you a simple answer for the entirety of bisexuality, so I'll just tell you how it works for me.

I am attracted to certain personality types, which can be brought out in appearance in both men and women. For me, it doesn't matter what they have in their pants. It's not both to me, so much as either. The fact that a body is there is besides the point, although I am able to find satisfaction from either as well. I just have a low sex drive, so that is low-priority to me.

Of course, if you ask Miles, you may get a different answer. Not all of us are alike, which is why sexuality can't just be organized into nice and neat boxes for your simple understanding.


Afterthought:

I'd like to add one thing. You are viewing it from one angle, so I'd like to flip that point of view for you. You see bisexuality as both gay and straight at the same time, which doesn't fit together well in your mind. Here's my alternative: Gay is bisexuality, but excludes the opposite sex. Straight is bisexuality, but excludes the same sex. Therefore bisexuality can be seen as the norm. I'm not saying that this is the truth of the matter, but it is a good way to give you perspective and understanding.

Actually with this last part I think you're pretty close. It's like a spectrum with all shades and hues from black to white. Some people are yellow, some purple. Some of the purples are very light purple while some are very dark. The majority tend to be closer to one of the extremes, enough so that they look and feel like black or white. So much so that they themselves might not see the slight coloration, but it's still there.

It's part of why the rainbow symbol is used you know.

Also, what others have said here has a lot of truth. My gayness probably feels different to me than someone else's gayness feels like to them.

You could take it at face value. if someone says they are bi...just accept it and move along.

And this is very important. You don't have to understand it to accept it.

I have certain theories about men and women and the battle of the sexes. I base it on a long marriage to a woman and a lot of observation. Women think in certain ways, while men think in certain ways, and because of the differences they don't truly understand one another. A lot of women love to ask "What are you thinking?" if a man gets quiet. Most of them are infuriated if the man responds with "Nothing" because they just can't fathom that it can be possible to not be thinking of at least a few things at a time, while the man might very well be telling the truth. He actually wasn't thinking at that moment, or else it was so unimportant or subconscious that he's rather unaware of it when asked.

Anyway, it's like that but without relying on gender and stereotypes. You can't explain it or understand it. You can't begin to even grasp it in some cases to study it and gain understanding. That doesn't mean that the experience has been reported falsely. Take it at face value.

So if someone says they are bisexual, fine. Accept that they're bisexual.

Frankly, continuing to question what someone means when they describe their sexuality is disrespectful to them. Give people the benefit of the doubt that they know themselves a little better than you know them.

[Drew]

The experience of being bisexual is different for everyone who identifies as such - I lean more gay, for certain, but I still find women attractive, if to a lesser extent. Some folks who are bi are more 50/50. Some bi people need partners of both sexes; some are monogamous and more than happy with just one partner. It varies.

To riff on what Miles said earlier, I often wonder the opposite of what you do; that is, why don't more people identify as bi? As someone who identifies as bisexual, sometimes it's difficult for me to understand how folks can be rigidly straight or gay, to be on one side of the Kinsey scale but not more inbetween.

But you know what? I get that everyone experiences their sexuality differently, and I accept it. Gay, straight, bisexual - you don't need to directly experience it to get it.