Political humour to offend EVERYONE

[nfisher1226]

AMISH STYLE

You have two cows
The Elder's take your cow's because no one "owns" anything privately

Unfortunately, all the men find the cows too attractive and banish them from the village

Not exactly.

Amish Style
You have two cows

You set up a roadside attraction where the English tourists pay $10 a pop to let their children pet your cows. In ten years time you have built a huge petting farm that has profits of a half million a year, all between the months of May and September.

In spite of the quarter million you have set aside from your business to buy a farm for your son, he starts a heavy metal band during his Rumspringa and marries a transsexual. You and the elders shun him of course.

You hate the English.

[nfisher1226]

Arkansas

You have two cows.

You trade one for a pimped out Geo and crash it into a tree, dying instantly.

California

You have two cows.

The combined methane emissions of the two cows lands you a hefty fine.

PETA tries to stop you from selling one of the cows to pay the fine, on the grounds that it would be psychologically damaging to the cows to be separated. You fight a five year lawsuit.

After declaring bankruptcy you manage to keep your home and both cows. A massive forest fire roasts both cows and your house.

[nfisher1226]

Utah

You have one bull, 30 cows, and 150 calves.

[trialbyerror]

The straight cow
She is b-e-a-u-t-i-f-u-l

Honey colored skin tone, gourgeous shape size 44 udders.

You buy said creature, with a 1.5 carat blue white diamond and a certificate.
You live in the land of milk & honey.

9 months later she gives birth,

3 months later she walks out with the Masarrati, all your money and 3/4 of your mansion
You are ruined, get drunk, confide in your best friend, he tells you he always thought she was a cow...

[ceez]

Virginia

You have two cows
your neighbours laugh at you becuase you only have two cows

[Bravo]

Brazil

You have two cows.
Both go to a public school when they're still young
One gets involved with a dangerous guy that leads her to drugs, one stays in school and gets a scholarship for decent education
The one that got into drugs gets pregnant and runs away with some guy, the other uses a horrible public transportation system and takes 4 hours to get to college
The one you know the whereabouts graduates from college but can't get a decent job. She tries to move from the country.
She moves to the US and ends up flipping burgers.

[trialbyerror]

The South AFRICAN cow
Some do-goodie English welfare organisation decides they know excatly how to solve the problems caused by apartheid, 20 years after the fact.

They pick on a remote impoverished township, move in, clear the bush, build cow sheds, dig a well put up a water-tank on a tower, and spend 3 years teaching the local inhabitants how to farm with cows.

Under their guidance, the original 2 cows become plenty cows and the the inhabitants are creating a steady income selling milk to neighbouring townships.

The do-goody English organisation pats itself on the back, has news conferences, becomes well known, gets given lots and lots of cash for its postive contribution in eradicating the scurge of apartheid.

They go back to England

Within 6 months all the cows have been slaughtered for traditional weddings, the water tank has blown off the tower, and the tilled ground is slowly becomming scrub-land. and the township is just as impoverished as before.

Wanna know the sick part of this?

Substitute chickens for cows and the story is 100% fact

I know not the name of the organisation, but the Township is Makalokwe about 1Km from the farm where I go.

Remember this?

Well the photo is of all that remains after thousands and thousands of mis-spent pounds,

I asked why...

Seems that traditionally, woman are not allowed to have any form of independence.

They "belong" to whoever they are married to, often-times these marriages are arranged and the woman can be as young as 12.

Rather than give the woman power by selling eggs & chickens, the men stopped the whole thing and reverted to poverty and hunger.
Chickens is not man's work.....

You tell me...

[Festino]

Maybe europeans should leave africa alone forever. Let them figure out how to live.

[MisterTinkles]

Not exactly.

Amish Style
You have two cows

You set up a roadside attraction where the English tourists pay $10 a pop to let their children pet your cows. In ten years time you have built a huge petting farm that has profits of a half million a year, all between the months of May and September.

In spite of the quarter million you have set aside from your business to buy a farm for your son, he starts a heavy metal band during his Rumspringa and marries a transsexual. You and the elders shun him of course.

You hate the English.

Mine is funnier!!

[MisterTinkles]

Arkansas

You have two cows.

You trade one for a pimped out Geo and crash it into a tree, dying instantly.

California

You have two cows.

The combined methane emissions of the two cows lands you a hefty fine.

PETA tries to stop you from selling one of the cows to pay the fine, on the grounds that it would be psychologically damaging to the cows to be separated. You fight a five year lawsuit.

After declaring bankruptcy you manage to keep your home and both cows. A massive forest fire roasts both cows and your house.

I like those!!!