Need some suggestions in meeting someone like me

[Chimpy]

So I've been single all my life but I think I would like some companionship. I'm 37. I'm out to my close friends but I don't think I could ever tell my family - they are all very traditional, religious and wouldn't understand. I live away from my family so I've not had a problem keeping them out of the loop. I'm not close with them. I had issues with being gay until my early 20s because of my upbringing. I like to think I'm over that now.

I guess my question is how can I meet someone with similar interests and lifestyle and of a similar age to me? I like computers, outdoor pursuits and scifi and other geeky stuff.

I don't like gay bars or clubs because I find most of the people there are really into the whole gay lifestyle, and I'm not the kind of person that wears my sexuality on my sleeve. I have little interest in music or partying.

I've tried gay dating/meetup websites, and chatted to or met quite a lot of guys, but they have all just been after sex or not my type.

I've met a few gay guys via work, or friends of friends, but they have all already had partners.

I've always hoped I would just meet someone with similar interests and education and things would work out, but it never has. Unfortunately all the guys I like are hetero. When I meet someone new, I often hope they might be gay, but they never are.

Any suggestions?

[Bowyn Aerrow]

I'm hearing you say you are a 'straight acting' gay man who is seeking another 'straight acting' gay man.

The problem with that is most straight acting gay men are pretty much like you and flat refuse to go to the bars/clubs because.... well you know the scene and pretty much laid it out why bars/clubs ain't for you.

There are places such as LGBT centers.... I don't have one near me, perhaps you have one near you?

IF you don't put yourself out there you won't find anyone.... So you need to figure out where you can go to meet people (people in general) and network to find a mate. Many straight people love to hook up their gay friends all the time.... mixed blessing in that.

[Chimpy]

Thanks for the advice. It's a shame there aren't gay clubs for nerds!

[YoungNHappy]

I am sorry to hear you are having a really hard time with finding someone. You sound like a real catch. There aren't enough people into sci-fi, plus you're a nice and attractive too. I am surprised you are having trouble but of course gay dating isn't easy.

[MisterTinkles]

You find out the answer, you let me know!!!!!

[matty7]

welcome to my world , I know how u feel ,maybe living in a big city would help you meet gay guys (I don't) im sure there are nice guys in dating sites but I guess most of the reply's are from hook up guys who dint give a crap who u are witch is sad - I wish I had the answer but I need it myself too ,,best of luck though

[Evan88]

Thanks for the advice. It's a shame there aren't gay clubs for nerds!

I think there are Gay organizations which target a specific interest, you might consider joining.. It is present for sure especially in your country.

[CellarDweller]

Google search what you like to do, and put 'gay' in front of it, and your area where you live.

Example: Gay Hiking Warwickshire

That's how I found the gay bowling league I joined.

[swalter]

You've got to be willing to go out and do things differently than you have been. We don't all love going out to the gay bars, but if you want to meet new people, and improve your chances of meeting someone, you have to go where the guys are! If you continue doing what you're doing - staying home, playing on the computer - how can you possibly expect a different outcome?

Not all gay bars are pretentious Abercrombie factories filled with twinks and femmes. That's just a stereotype. You should look for more laid-back, "neighborhood" bars. Check out Yelp to find some. Even if these places aren't your scene, you have to give yourself opportunities, and that requires spending time at the bars, talking to people, and befriending the regulars. A whole new world opens up when you invest the time and energy.

[loserguy]

You are limiting your chances but nothing is impossible!

I'm straight acting and go to bars and clubs sometimes but I'm not into the whole gay thing.
Generally websites are for sex only so that leaves you with gay organisations and maybe the websites in the hope you will find someone nice.

Yes it is easier to meet guys in the big cities.

But what needs to be said is that if one strategy is not working you need to look at another. After all no one wants to be single forever.

Good Luck